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You sound more like a north eastern person than a southern person and may like it here. IMO, people here (Boston/NYC) have a thicker skin and can therefore tend to be perceived as caring less and being colder. But, as with all places there are idiots here and good people here. But on the whole, Boston is a more intense city than other areas.
The other thing is, when talking about Boston (rather than all of Mass), many people here are from other places (both from other US States and many other countries). So, in and around the city you’ll get a big mix of cultures and some cultures are warmer than others.
I remember being on a business trip in Nashville. My company asked me to speak with the hotel and make sure I was getting the conference rate. I did but did not get a clear answer so I asked again, I got a response but still not clear, so I asked for clarification – each time I pushed a little harder. The guy broke down and said “Sir! If you just stop yelling at me I can try and help.” I was genuinely confused. I was very far from yelling, just getting more blunt and to the point each time so that it would be clear. But the guy got crazy agitated.
The thing about these types of cities (Boston, NYC, and others) is that they can be high stress and kind of action oriented. Things move fast here so we don’t have time for nonsense or fake pleasantries. Personally, I find it harder being in a place where people waste time and confuse things by being vague rather than getting directly to the point. They say things that aren’t direct so I am left needing to interpret their meaning and if that meaning is misinterpreted, they won’t tell me directly either. They’ll just suck it up and move on and I won’t even know what happened. It’s so much easier to deal with those who are clear and direct, even if some people interpret that as being cold and sharp. I do think this place is different from the South. People here care less and move on quicker, we don’t need as many friends I guess and it doesn’t bother us as much if someone gets upset because frankly, many people are crazy or jackoffs anyway. It’s ironic but this type of attitude is liberating and serves to form real relationships with people, rather than straw relationships that are based on fluff.
All that said, I really wouldn’t mind a young pretty southern bell in a sundress to serve me some iced tea.
Ok, so I am just going to tell you how I would have handled that situation. I would have asked politely, if they would have been vague, I would have said, "Hey, I really need to know this, can you please let me know?" and if they were STILL being vague, "Ok, look, this is important so if you cannot tell me, can I speak to someone that can tell me what I need to know like a manager please? Again I am using please, but as you can tell, I probably come off as rude which to me I really don't care since the person is being rude by not being upfront and direct with me.
I bolded the part in blue because I have had problems with people down here and apparently I may be too blunt or I am doing something wrong and NOONE will tell me what it is for fear of me getting angry or making me uncomfortable and as long as I see that someone is trying to help me, I really don't care and it wouldnt bother me. It sounds to me like i need to be up there than down here, but I am also a minority so I don't really know how that fits into the equation either.
I'm fine, thank you!
Have lived in the Boston area for 40 years and find myself very friendly, in fact, I used to seek out obvious tourists on the Boston Common and ask if I could give them directions somewhere. (I had heard of this "rude" reputation and wanted to dispel it, plus, people wearing fanny packs looking at maps could well end up in what was then the Combat Zone by accident, and I wanted to spare them that when what they really wanted was in the opposite direction).
Just anecdotally, I have found people in the West and South to be warmer-friendly when I'm traveling, but maybe they are especially pleasant to tourists, too, as I was. But then, I even found New Yorkers to be OK, albeit a tad... abrupt.
For me, it's interesting timing to encounter this thread tonight. Just yesterday I was at Dunkin' Donuts and got into a friendly conversation with a talkative, gregarious retired gent who happened to sit at the table next to mine. His noticeable Boston accent tipped me off that either he was a native to this area or had lived here a long time. Even without the accent I would have known this, because, along with talk about his past career, what his children were doing now, questions about what I did for a living, and a discussion of the value of continuing education (both formally and informally) throughout life, this gentleman also told me that he had grown up in Dorchester (to the OP, a section of Boston) and had taken the college prep track at a now-defunct technical high school in the Boston public school system. And in case anyone is getting the impression that I was annoyed and found the old fellow to be a motor-mouth, quite the opposite was the case. I thoroughly enjoyed this coffee-time conversation.
The point is that there are all sorts of individuals everywhere you go--sullen sorts in the South, who belie the region's reputation for friendliness, and outgoing folks, like that gentleman in Dunkie's, in taciturn New England. Now it's true that people in Boston in general tend to be more reserved around strangers than you'll find in general in the South. Chitchat with strangers is not necessarily the norm around here, though people will usually be polite about giving directions and such. Also, it seems to be true in general around these parts that, despite the full variety of personalities, including those who can be on the reticent side, it's generally accepted in Boston to get straight to the point in conversation.
Something else I've noticed is that people in Boston may tend to be a bit standoffish around strangers out on the street, but will often open up and engage in conversation in more relaxed settings, such as, well, a Dunkin' Donuts (coffee shops, small local eateries, bars, etc.). Not that most people will talk as much as the older gent I met in Dunkie's yesterday--he was clearly an especially outgoing individual--but they'll still open up more than they may tend to when out and about on the street.
One more point is that "up north" is too broad a swath of the U.S. to characterize all in one way with regard to regional personality. While attending college in central Ohio and living there for several years after college, I found the people in general to exhibit a relaxed friendliness that seemed to fall somewhere between the generally reserved face of Boston and the lively chattiness I've encountered out in public in the South. Even within Massachusetts I've found people in the western part of the state to be more inclined toward conversation with strangers than is often the case in Boston, more similar to what I observed in Ohio.
But in the Boston area, generally there is a polite reserve around strangers, and some straight-to-the-point tendencies in conversation with friends or colleagues. Just don't be shocked if you run into the occasional gregarious exception.
Blackscorpian, come try us out, we are not unlike anyone else where there are mostly good, few bad. In my travels, pace and space seem to be the biggest difference. Our pace is faster like most citified areas.
Come to Boston and walk around you will like it. You will be a stranger here but once.
Well, they're people: they eat, breathe and sleep just like anyone else.
In all seriousness, keep in mind MA is a broad state. The fast-pace, blunt attitude is mostly a characteristic of Boston and its suburbs. The stand-offishness is really being more reserved, until they get to know you. The rest of the state outside the other metros such as Springfield and Worcester (pronounced "wusstah"), is more typical of quaint, small-town New England, and I mean that in a good way. They're not as hurried as the City, but not slow as the south. They'll still be more direct than the south, but will otherwise helpful and accommodating, when need be; which is the New England way and not exclusive to MA.
As for being more educated, it certainly helps having a plethora of good colleges and universities, especially in eastern MA. Make no mistake however: there are plenty of average, working class people, even in Boston. There is more to Boston than Beacon Hill, Back Bay, etc.
If you like historic charm (which MA likes to maintain); don't mind the changing of the seasons (and they do change drastically); like the idea of being in the city yet being able to "escape" with less sprawl than other metros; and don't mind a higher cost of living; you'll like MA.
I think urban areas in any region are going to be "less friendly" than non-urban areas. Every state has its busiest urban spots and areas that are less so. Witness the chatty man in coffee shop- retired- didn't have to be in a hurry to get back to work or whatever. Hey, when I'm retired, I plan to talk to people as much as I do now, but I'll be out in the world more, because I won't be working third shift and spending most of my off time sleeping or trying to sleep.
The art of conversation with strangers is an art. Too many people launch into an "I-I'I" or "My son... my grandchildren" yammer because they have no one to talk to. No fun for a stranger (or for a friend).
I often talk to people standing in line or whatever. Responses vary because I think most people aren't used to it. I guess I'm a rather informal person.
I label those types as passive aggressives....I am moving back to MA and was born in NY......I am an extremely impatient person. I am in SoCal, and as crowded and plastic as it is ...I sometimes find that people are excessively slow.....Passive aggressives that are politicallycorrect on top of it.....Auntie Em from the Wizard of Oz.......I would prefer New Yorker any day.....in your face and not afraid to say what they mean or mean what they say..........(Bostonians toooo).....I detest people that have no backbone and have artificial politeness.....it actually makes me real angry. If you do not like some one...let them know it....he he he (except at work..lol)
Auntie Em was passive-aggressive?? Example, please??
Auntie Em was passive-aggressive?? Example, please??
A New Yorker or Bostonian ( I am stereotyping) would smack or at least yell at Ms......the woman that was trying to take Toto away....this polite Midwesterner (Auntie Em) claimed she was "too good of a Christian woman".......to say what she really felt................thus allowing Toto to be taken away
I am sorry, many probably do not remember this scene from Wizard of Oz......My point is: many people are so so so afraid to speak up, to be up front and FRANK about things.....instead they cower in the corners and talk behind people's back.....I feel that people from Northeast are more upfront.....
I see this all over in the Non Northeast state that I live in........I call it passive aggressive
A New Yorker or Bostonian ( I am stereotyping) would smack or at least yell at Ms......the woman that was trying to take Toto away....this polite Midwesterner (Auntie Em) claimed she was "too good of a Christian woman".......to say what she really felt................thus allowing Toto to be taken away
I am sorry, many probably do not remember this scene from Wizard of Oz......My point is: many people are so so so afraid to speak up, to be up front and FRANK about things.....instead they cower in the corners and talk behind people's back.....I feel that people from Northeast are more upfront.....
I see this all over in the Non Northeast state that I live in........I call it passive aggressive
You mean hypocritical not passive aggressive.
This is prevalent in the form of PC in the Northeast. People bend over backwards to be tolerant and sensitive at the risk of not taking action and trusting their instincts.
By the way, Auntie Em is a fictional character not a real person. How many times have you actually visited the midwest? I've lived in a small midwestern city, a large midwestern city and the Northeast.
(Off topic literary interpretation, Auntie Em says this in the storyline to imply she was thinking of the witch as an *expletive* so the audience when the movie was made could have a laugh. Back in the 1930's, there was much more censorship of language than today.)
Passive aggressive is the guy in the post office who resents all the people he sees as on the better side of the tracks from where he is. When someone asks to buy stamps, he gets the stamp book out as slow as possible, on purpose, puts the wrong amount of postage on the mail or replies with "Whydathink, let me finish my coffee first." Happens everywhere. I experience it more frequently in the Northeast.
Last edited by 495neighbor; 05-04-2013 at 03:12 PM..
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