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Tao, don't ever apologize for sharing the way you really feel. Its a very stressful thing to go through health problems. I do hope you can get this surgery and get the problem taken care of. There is nothing worse then just going day after day in pain and seeing the same thing, more days of pain stretching out in front of you. One year starts to feel like a lifetime.
Tao -- dont ever feel like sharing your pain/stress/fears/anixety is a bad thing. Thats what I think this thread was intended for. It helps to blow it out and let off steam and share, and also, when you write everything down, often, it can clarify things in your mind!! hang in their, as risky as the surgery is, I think its a good choice and one that will lead to a better quality of life.
Suzet, Im so sorry I didnt see your post last night. I hope by writing it made you feel better. I think you are finally seing the light too, and figuring out whats causing so much anxiety in your life. Your husband SHOULD be your rock, the person you can turn to, not the one making things worse. Much like Lindsey, you have someone in your life that triggers anxiety. For Lindsey its her brother, for you, its your husband. You need to take a page from Lindseys book and get as far away as possible!!! It wont be easy, and it will hurt like hell, and be scary, but I think your life will improve drmataically. of course, if there is ANY semblance of being able to get help and save your relationship, you should do it. If there is any hope he can realise the pain you go through mentally, then stay. I am not promoting a break up of a marriage, what I AM promoting, is you finding a place to feel safe, and stop the mental torture!! We are here for you!
You know what I'm finding, my brother prefers it when I am fragile and easy to upset. Recently since I have started feeling better, he doesn't know how to deal with me because he can't push my buttons and make me upset.
He has made fun of me for being over-emotional, for taking medication, calling my sense of calm a false, drug induced reaction.
He likes to send these nasty emails and argue via email back and forth. It makes him mad he can't get me to argue with him. He is the king of the botton pushers and he can't stand it that I don't have any buttons to push.
I am having a pretty hard day today. The anxiety is very high. My heart has been racing all day. I cant seem to calm down. I hate when the anxiety gets to this level. I havent had a panic attack, but I am very much on edge. I have that whole pins and needles thing going on in my entire body. I have that really scared feeling like someone is going to push me off a cliff...sigh.
Thanks for all the well wishes everyone. I am happy to know that this forum is here for us.
Yes you would think your husband would be a source of comfort. Isnt that how it is supposed to be? It is very hard when you really have no one to turn to. Oh well. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
I am having a pretty hard day today. The anxiety is very high. My heart has been racing all day. I cant seem to calm down. I hate when the anxiety gets to this level. I havent had a panic attack, but I am very much on edge. I have that whole pins and needles thing going on in my entire body. I have that really scared feeling like someone is going to push me off a cliff...sigh.
Thanks for all the well wishes everyone. I am happy to know that this forum is here for us.
Yes you would think your husband would be a source of comfort. Isnt that how it is supposed to be? It is very hard when you really have no one to turn to. Oh well. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
I know "that really scared feeling." I hope you feel better soon. Today has been a b*tch. I haven't had a full-blown one in a while, so I guess it was due. I've calmed down since, but I'm still clutching my chest like my heart is about to explode. I was in the car with my boyfriend, not even going far, just a 15 minute ride to the bank. I started having symptoms, and stated that I needed to take off my seatbelt, and began coughing and gasping for air. He remarked something along the lines of me being agoraphobic. That's not true at all, my problem is claustrophobia. It's that "stuck" feeling I get whenever on a plane (worst), train (worse), bus (bad), or in a car (usually not too bad, but happens sometimes). Anyway, his "noticing" made the panic attack more real, and the symptoms worsened. Over-heated, heart pounding, sweating, shaking, feeling like I'm going to die, can't breathe, numbness in my face and hands. This is the first time he's witnessed me this bad (like I said, it's been awhile), and he's just like "What's wrong with you? What are you panicking about?" It's so hard to explain. I had to have him turn around and take me home. If I could only walk everywhere, I feel I would be fine; when I'm walking and moving my body, I feel free. In a vehicle or other mode of transportation, I tend to feel so scared and bound. Like I can't get out. That is my trigger. Sigh, how will I fare on Easter Sunday when we have to make a 2 hour drive to my parents? I guess I'll have break out the Xanax that day (which does help, but I don't like to take it daily).
Best wishes for a good weekend and a Happy Easter, everyone.
I know "that really scared feeling." I hope you feel better soon. Today has been a b*tch. I haven't had a full-blown one in a while, so I guess it was due. I've calmed down since, but I'm still clutching my chest like my heart is about to explode. I was in the car with my boyfriend, not even going far, just a 15 minute ride to the bank. I started having symptoms, and stated that I needed to take off my seatbelt, and began coughing and gasping for air. He remarked something along the lines of me being agoraphobic. That's not true at all, my problem is claustrophobia. It's that "stuck" feeling I get whenever on a plane (worst), train (worse), bus (bad), or in a car (usually not too bad, but happens sometimes). Anyway, his "noticing" made the panic attack more real, and the symptoms worsened. Over-heated, heart pounding, sweating, shaking, feeling like I'm going to die, can't breathe, numbness in my face and hands. This is the first time he's witnessed me this bad (like I said, it's been awhile), and he's just like "What's wrong with you? What are you panicking about?" It's so hard to explain. I had to have him turn around and take me home. If I could only walk everywhere, I feel I would be fine; when I'm walking and moving my body, I feel free. In a vehicle or other mode of transportation, I tend to feel so scared and bound. Like I can't get out. That is my trigger. Sigh, how will I fare on Easter Sunday when we have to make a 2 hour drive to my parents? I guess I'll have break out the Xanax that day (which does help, but I don't like to take it daily).
Best wishes for a good weekend and a Happy Easter, everyone.
Well first off welcome to the thread hollygolightly. I know exactly how you feel!!! Cars are a huge trigger for me. I have had to get out of my car I dont know how many times over the years. I also had to turn back around. Its ok, it happends. Next time, try to get to the bank, and then sit in the car until you feel better, then go in the bank. If you can have a postitive experience the more and more you go out, it will help ease your anxiety about being in the car.
It is very hard for anyone to understand just how devastating these attacks are. I know that too, as I am dealing with my own situation. I feel better when I walk too. But I can still have an attack when I go walking. So I dont really have a "safe" place anymore. If you have to, take your xanax 30 mins before you leave for your parents home on sunday, that way it is in your system and you will be already relaxed. Dont feel bad if you need to take another one, only if needed. I try to get through all my attacks without the use of medication. I really hate to depend on a drug. But sometimes it is necessary. Good luck to you, and have a great Easter.
Well first off welcome to the thread hollygolightly. I know exactly how you feel!!! Cars are a huge trigger for me. I have had to get out of my car I dont know how many times over the years. I also had to turn back around. Its ok, it happends. Next time, try to get to the bank, and then sit in the car until you feel better, then go in the bank. If you can have a postitive experience the more and more you go out, it will help ease your anxiety about being in the car.
It is very hard for anyone to understand just how devastating these attacks are. I know that too, as I am dealing with my own situation. I feel better when I walk too. But I can still have an attack when I go walking. So I dont really have a "safe" place anymore. If you have to, take your xanax 30 mins before you leave for your parents home on sunday, that way it is in your system and you will be already relaxed. Dont feel bad if you need to take another one, only if needed. I try to get through all my attacks without the use of medication. I really hate to depend on a drug. But sometimes it is necessary. Good luck to you, and have a great Easter.
Suzett, have you been taking the medication the doctor gave you? You really need to stick to that every day, it takes about a month for you to start feeling better.
I'm having another side effect of the Paxil, I don't feel like eating anything. I had two graham crackers and thats IT.
I know what you mean. I have tried many different anti-depressants and for some reason the Paxil is the only one that caused nausea. I would feel fine one minute and then feel like vomiting the next.
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Thanks for letting me vent. I know we're all in pain here and this thread helps a lot.
...sigh.
