What do you think would happen to a person

[laurenaus]

If I were that socially inept person and I really cared to change myself I'd hire a coach to help with my social skills to put into place habits that are more effective.

[Ro2113]

Originally Posted by RockJock1729

Correction: you're socially inept right now. But being socially inept right now doesn't mean you have to stay that way.

When you learn to ride a bike, you're inept at first, right? You get better by riding more, not by avoiding the bike. Social skills are the same. They can be learned. That means your social skills can improve, and eventually you can feel much less socially inept. But it takes practice out in the world with other people.

There's no way out but through.

I think your missing the point. First think about why these people are socially inept and withdrawn it could be because they have been rejected all of their lives socially and figure why keep trying. Ultimately socially competent people really don't want to take the time teaching a socially inept person social nuances. This pretty much leads to more rejection. I would think at some point a lifetime of rejection would take its toll. Ultimately for these people, it may be better for them to just give up on trying to have a social life before things reach a boiling point for them.

[Beth56]

Originally Posted by Ro2113

who constantly faces mental and emotional pain. A person who constantly faces rejection or abuse on a daily basis.

You can end up with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, blocking painful memories, losing chunks of time. You begin to pull away from society in general, perhaps feeling misunderstood, abandoned, and alone.

[jaijai]

Originally Posted by Ro2113

I think your missing the point. First think about why these people are socially inept and withdrawn it could be because they have been rejected all of their lives socially and figure why keep trying. Ultimately socially competent people really don't want to take the time teaching a socially inept person social nuances. This pretty much leads to more rejection. I would think at some point a lifetime of rejection would take its toll. Ultimately for these people, it may be better for them to just give up on trying to have a social life before things reach a boiling point for them.

You need to find other people who are more like you ... who you can resonate with and who understand you as the unique person that you are.
But that probably won't happen until you learn to accept yourself.
If you know who you are and are at peace with yourself, you will find people that accept you and they will be your true friends.
But you gotta be your own true friend first.
Unfortunately the socialization process that begins at a very young age is not supportive of those who are different.
That conditioning process is about training young people to be sheeple ... to be like everyone else so as not to upset the social applecart.
Tragic.
If you hold the belief or notion that those who are "socially competent" are somehow superior to you and that you have to learn to play their game, ie; be and act like them, in order to be accepted by them ... well, that's a difficult bind to be in and it's a no-win situation for you.
Find yourself and be yourself.

[nightbird47]

Originally Posted by Ro2113

lol...I'm not in an abusive relationship.

I'll tell you the reason I asked this question although it might be difficult to follow so bear with me.

There are a lot of people out there who are socially awkward, inept and avoidant. But there's a reason why these people are the way they are. Many of them have been social outcasts all there lives. There was once a time where they tried to make friends, tried to open themselves up to people but were rejected, mocked and ridiculed at a young age. As a result they've isolated themselves from society and other people because it got so bad.

Basically what I'm saying is that there's a reason why people are socially inept. At some point you take the hint and realize that people flat out don't like you and you stop trying.

The other thing is that more socially competent people will tell the socially inept is that in order to learn social skills they must go out there and meet people. But I would think that if a socially inept person tries to do this they will face the same thing they have faced their entire lives. So how much more are these people supposed to take before something finally gives?

I've always known I'm a loner, but for a timeperiod due to family I tried hard to pretend. Ugh, what an uncomfortable thing. What gave was I gave up the idea that it mattered that I was not like them out there who like all the normal things. I'm quite happy with myself when I let me be me. People don't like it, not my problem anymore.

Of course, not everyone who is not terribly social is that way because of rejection. Some of us are just lone wolves. I had a little bunch of friends as a child, was never a 'joiner' (though mom tried) and have never been. I would prefer a nice evening with my dog and cat family over sitting around with boring people.

Now, given that my interests are rather eclectic and I'm intelligent and love things like history over sports (detest sports), and would rather never turn on the tv if all there was was reality crap, there are a lot of people who simply are of no interest. But the friends I've met through writing and history and science fiction fandom, a place where us round pegs don't *have* to fit in the square hole are deep friends. Not so many of them but to me a good friend who shares with you is worth fifty 'friends' who are boring. Nor does it matter if they are halfway across the country. My phone works.

The internet has helped in a huge way, since people who gravitate towards things not conventional and ordinary can find each other.

Personally if someone doesn't like me when I'm being me, or thinks I'm a little strange, I'm fine with it, not rejected. Due to circumstances I had to 'play' someone else for a little while and absolutely hated it. And vowed never ever again.

To me the sad people are the ones seen as social rejects who never get that its perfectly okay to be different and see the world through a different mirror and be yourself, but keep trying to be someone they aren't and fail. Yes, this will destroy you if you don't figure out you,that you inside, does have self worth even if nobody sees it. But there is nothing intrincily wrong with seeing the world through a different mirror and that it isolates is just a symptom that our society is a little too programmed.