A discussion about "hoarders" and "hoarding!" (sociopath, sleep)
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I set up a non profit for my Mom, she is a "cat rescue". She has her cats fixed, and has vet checks. As I said...it was bad...on the cats...until we talked and now she "self limits" to Ragdolls only. She runs the cat rescue, as a licensed business, and takes cats to Petco by her home. So, I turned that situation around.
I set up a non profit for my Mom, she is a "cat rescue". She has her cats fixed, and has vet checks. As I said...it was bad...on the cats...until we talked and now she "self limits" to Ragdolls only. She runs the cat rescue, as a licensed business, and takes cats to Petco by her home. So, I turned that situation around.
My mother was rushed to the hospital and had surgery for a bleed in her brain. Before regaining consciousness, she had yet another bleed and was comatose for six days before she expired. During those six days, my brother, in whose house she lived, and I, began to clean up her basement apartment in preparation for her expected return home. We discovered any number of unopened cleaning products stashed under the bathroom sink. The medicine cabinet was overflowing with every OTC vitamin and supplement. Her stall shower housed a chair and a season's worth of clothing.
Her living area was cluttered with empty gallon water jugs. Dozens of them. Months worth of newspapers and magazines. (Later, a cousin said she was saving the jugs for her and the newspapers for the Boy Scouts) Her bed was equipped with two drawers underneath and we found enough new greeting cards to stock a Hallmark store. Junk jewelry and old letters and notes and greeting cards she had received over the years. Gifts she had received over many Christmases - still in the gift boxes they came in. Her small apartment-sized refrigerator which brother opened and immediately shut. He bound it with a whole roll of masking tape and put a hazardous waste sticker on it when he put it out for trash pick-up. I never asked.
She was an alcoholic so the question is - was she a true hoarder or did she just forget what she had bought and so bought more?
When I see the Extreme Couponers, I think "there goes a hoarder who has found a way to legitimize it."
We have some hoarding tendencies in my family, and I have some of the traits. Therefore I can sometimes relate to the feelings behind the problem. However, I don't understand all the issues involved in extreme hoarders.
For mild hoarders, I think fear is sometimes one of the factors behind the problem. You will see some people become hoarders after a loss. The decision to throw something out is the decision to let go of something forever, and that can be hard for someone who has experienced a loss or who fears loss. Some hoarders also place much more sentimental value on items than other people. For example, I have trouble sometimes going through papers, particularly ones that contain drawings or schoolwork completed by my children. My kids are constantly drawing and doing other work so I can't possibly keep it all, but it can be a bit draining to figure out what to keep and what to toss. That is because I tend to place sentimental value on things other people would not.
There also is an issue of control. Hoarders can get angry when other people throw out their things because it feels like that person is violating their space, not understanding the sentimental value of items and taking away the hoarders control. It is like anorexics who may stop eating because eating is the one thing they can control. Hoarders want to control their stuff.
That all said, it does not have to become an overwhelming problem if handled properly. Other concerns can be made to outweigh any hoarding thoughts. For me, I don't want my children to live in filth or be embarrassed to have friends over. My husband also dislikes messes, so I try to keep things under control for him as well. I also dislike pests probably more than I dislike anything else. We live in an area with a lot of bugs and a lot of critters. Here if you have too much clutter, you are giving bugs and other animals a place to hide. Sometimes just showing someone this problem can be enough to stop hoarding. I did see one hoarding episode where the family cleaned up when they saw all the bugs under their stuff. I also have concerns about food poisoning, so I would never keep rotten food. I probably throw out more food than the average person because of this concern.
Overall, it is possible to struggle a bit with the issue and not live in a mess. Our house is not nearly as picture perfect as some of our neighbors, but it still pretty nice. We are even able to occasionally host my "neat freak" in-laws, who are on the opposite extreme!
jasper12...Congratulations on helping your Mom establish a "cat rescue." Does she receive any funding or operate through donations etc.? How does it work with "Petco?".. Good for you for helping your Mom and all the stray and "unwanted" cats too!
Thanks. I set this up, so she can keep track of the expenses on Excel. She takes the cats to Petco to be adopted out, she has four of the kennels. Humane Society has the other kennels. She is responsible for taking care of the cats at the Petco, in her assigned kennels. She can decide what cats to place there, and gets a nominal "placement" fee, she charges $50, the cats have shots, and are fixed, she works with several vets on this. Pretty much...she runs this on her own. She gets donated food from Petco, and other agencies. No cash. That would be me...but this was a way I was able to help her with her hoarding...of course, she has "issues"...like she does not like to give cats to some folks, who she thinks won't take good care of the cats...but now it is a business...not just "cat" hoarding.
ellar...Good post. Thanks...I try to understand the "crux" of hoarding tendencies and behaviors too. (Best I can anyway!)...On the TV shows some of the parents and adult kids seem like they have "switched roles." Have you noticed this?...The adult kids take on the role of "parent" to their "misguided parent." And the parent is viewed as a stubborn and irrational and "not very bright child." And it all "plays out" in "push and pull" kind of ways...As in: "You care about your stuff more than you've ever cared about me! You're a disgrace and embarrassment to me! I won't come back to see you unless you get rid of your stuff and change to please me!"...And the parents? What is going on with the parents? What unresolved issues do they have with their kids and maybe everyone else on the planet? Why do they need to "hide" and "barricade" themselves? And why do they deny themselves space in their own home and make their "stuff" all and everything?
That's the problem with hoarding, eventually it becomes someone else's problem. My mother was a mild hoarder. Her house was always clean and neat, so you didn't see all the junk. But when she died, I was appalled at the stuff I was supposed to sort through. In another state, and dh and I had to take off work for that. All we could do was hire a moving company, have the stuff sent to us, and put in storage. Then, we went through 1-2 boxes at a time, it took over a year to sort all that stuff! Thank goodness she had ample life insurance. I wish hoarders would try to think of what they're leaving behind----or maybe they do? That's how they get back at their kids!
I read something that wasn't even about hoarding, but about the stuff so many people accumulate. The woman in the article was the kind of person who does estate sales. She said when someone dies, there is always a huge pile of stuff that the deceased hung onto thinking that someone else would want it, and no one ever wants it.
When my mom moved to an assisted living place I cleaned out her house. She'd had dementia for several years and as an earlier poster said, I think that contributed to her hanging on to things. It wasn't awful, but since my father had died about 7 years earlier I don't think she'd thrown away a single paid bill or bank statement. They were squirreled away in boxes in closets and under the bed. About the time I'd think I'd found everything I'd discover another box.
My mom also had several boxes of stuff of mine from high school that she saved. I went through it all and got rid of most of it. But I kept some things like letter that I think I might want to read again some day.
It made me think hard about what's going to be left when I'm gone and now I'm really careful about what I decide to keep. If I buy an article of clothing I try to get rid of one. I have a certain amount of space in my closet for shoes and have vowed to only buy what fits there. I try mightily to resist the temptation to go to yard and estate sales. I keep a box going all the time of stuff to donate to Goodwill.
I had a couple of boxes of drawings and things my daughter had done when she was small and I whittled it down to one plastic tub. The same with her baby clothes and books. I don't want to get rid of all of it, but am only keeping what fits in a closet.
I hope that when I die that the possessions I have left will be neat, clean and orderly and very easy to dispose of.
Why do you think that people become "hoarders?" Obviously there are "stages" and "degrees" when it comes to "hoarding."...All of the TV shows feature "extreme hoarders."
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The tv show seems to exploit some elderly who are very physically and/or mentally disabled. I think its wrong and feel sorry for some of the people.
I had to take care of my dad he collected stuff in the stored it in the garage/guest house . It was just magazines and such but still had to be cleared away.
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