It feels like I never sleep anymore, the night is the worst when it comes to your mind playing with you.
I spend too much time alone, my husband works on the road he is never home.
I just had another birthday and I'm getting so close to 50 and I have not done anything good with my life, my family members are either dead or nobody talks to each other, I have my kids but that doesn't help fill the void of my husband always being gone.
I feel like I am never happy, always getting throught the day in robot mode, same thing everyday,
get the kids up, bring them to school; come home, clean house, pick up kids, make dinner, go to bed... repeat.
No other human contact unless I run to the store, very lonely. I once hated telemarketers now I wished they called, I'd talk to them forever.
What the heck happened to my life?
The economy **** on our life, my husband lost his good paying job , we eventually lost our house.
We had to rent a house and got behind on the rent when unemployment ran out and he couldn't find work. We got evicted with an unlawful detainer, nobody would rent to us.
We found a house to rent in the next town over and decided to keep the kids in the same schools and drive them back and forth, thinking we would only be here a year.
Well, we have been here over 2 years and this has been a huge part of the problem, I have to bring my kids to and from school, that means I can't find a job. I have one in high school, one in middle and one in elementary, I start bringing kids to school at 6:45 and drop the last off at 9:15...my first pick up is at 2:00 and my last is 4:00.
I went back to school but not for the right reason, we were behind on bills and I was only going for a semester to take out one loan. Here I am two years later, having screwed around the last two years thinking now what?? Keep going?
I hate school, I hate all the homework, I hate living in another town away from my kids friends, I hate my neighborhood, it's a nice quiet area, if I was 65 or over. This area is mostly older people who never moved after their kids grew up.
I hate that my husband has to work on the road and is always gone, I feel like a single mother even though I am married.
I feel like I'm a prisoner of my life.
I don't have anyone to talk to..ever.
I don't have many friends, we lost contact over the years, I feel like when I got married I made my husband my main priority and now he is never home.
I can't give up, my kids need me, but I'm stuck in this sad life and I don't see it changing anytime soon, we were going to move this summer but my husband was fired from his oilfield job the day before Easter.
Thankfully he remained part of the millwright union, they finally have some work, the reason he worked the oilfields is because there wasn't any millwright work.
There is work now but it's all travel work, he never had to travel for work until last year. His newest job, he'll be gone 6 weeks at a time, he's in FL now, working on steam turbines.
This is tearing our marriage apart, I feel like we are strangers when he comes home, the kids and and him do not interact like they used to.
He was working 3 weeks gone, one week home, now it will be 6 weeks gone, 8-10 days home depending on how long it takes to drive to each state.
I've battled depression off and on, it starts off as situational depression but can get worse, now I fear that it will come and take over, it starts in the night, it always does, the tears start, I force them back before morning, but the next day.....they always come in the night.
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