Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Are you sure it cured you from your depression or just distracted you from feeling? People with trauma issues often keep super busy and can outrun their anxiety or depression...for a while. And then it catches up. And its like...what the heck? I was so active and life was so great. Then look for a cause...blame it on that. When really, we just ran out of energy to run.
No, it cured my depression. It wasn't a temporary fix whatsoever. As I said in my last post, I'm a very self-aware person, I know myself very well. When I moved to LA, a bunch of things happened, including me losing 50 pounds, becoming healthy (I stopped abusing food & alcohol and got into fitness and really changed my life), having good friends, a great and fun job where I loved my coworkers and laughed a lot, etc.--all of that made me a happy person. It lasted for a few years until I went through the trauma/assault, and if that hadn't happened, I know I'd still be that happy person.
I had a horrific life change when I moved with my husband and 2 yr old from PA to So. Calif. I thought I had the greatest marriage. A couple yrs into living in So. Cal. my ex, now deceased husband, announced he didn't love me and was leaving me for his secretary. Talk about a major stress, I feel my shoulders tightening just talking about this. Here I am 3000 miles away from family with a 5 yr old... My first reaction was to pack up and go back to PA....I did not...my child had a father here and I wasn't going to take her from this experience nor he from being the father. I stuck it out and made friends, worked, raised my child, dealt with the ex thing...long long story...
For me I can truthfully say my challenges has made me a stronger person and one has to go thru a lot of grief often to get to a better place.
And I was restless and thought about a move and at one point took a transfer to San Jose and stayed up there for 5 yrs, but came back to the Energy of Santa Monica. And warmer weather..
Often people need to make a move and often realize what they left.
I was in a sales position for some years, and 5 yrs outside sales which took me to NYC for meetings with corporate and as vibrant as NYC is, I could not believe the fast pace of it all. I love the laid back life in So. Cal. Take care.
I can only hope that all the grief I've experienced, and I do mean actual grief, is leading to me being a stronger, happier person. I'm already crazy strong, having gone through things no one should have to experience, from a young age....if I weren't so crazily strong and resilient I would be dead, no doubt in my mind.
It's hopeful to hear that you made it out of that stronger and for the better. By the way, I love Santa Monica, spent a lot of time there, as I used to live in West LA/Westwood, and worked in Malibu. I miss it a lot.
I grew up in the Valley, and we spent many a summer day at the beach at Santa Monica. Then my dad got a new job and we moved further south. But I loved the area. Later on, after I hadn't lived in the Valley for a while, we did a drive around and it just didn't feel the same, even if it looked much the same. Friends who lived there had moved because of problems and it was kinda sad to not feel like 'home' was still there anymore.
It was very much little townish back then. I've lived in various places since and they'd all be called suburbs. But with various bad moments, it also began to stand for those. I was by myself, and decided I needed out. On a visit to a friend I got interested in this small town in Oklahoma. Since housing in socal is super pricy, I had this little apartment there which I hated. So I ended up leaving and moved to a whole different place.
Not everyone can move from a highly populated west coast city to a small town in OK and it work. But I love it. It took me away from all the trauma and there was no chance of having to see the ex. My little house would be a tear down there but I love its charm. But most of all, its different. The only associations with before are positive. I don't miss doing the things I didn't do when they were around. It's quiet and its slow and for me, now, that was what I needed.
For me, moving helped me in ways which staying put and putting up with it would never have. But if you move know that you need to commit yourself to giving it a positive feel, and time when you get nostalgic. You have to commit yourself to the change or it won't work.
If after enough time is gone by, its still not right and you want to go back then go, but remember it won't be the same you as left and the things which worked may not now. We aren't static models but ever redefining ones and a big change can either be a dismal failure if you don't deal with a realistically, or a new restart if you do.
If the move is what you really want, then move. But don't expect it in and of itself to fix anything. It gives you a new, clear platform to start over. A lot of unhappy people are too afraid of that to try.
My mother thought moving away from her house and all the memories that were there would make her feel better, sadly she realized it is much harder than that, those things that cause her depression moved with her.
I think it sounds like you're preparing yourself for everything as best you can. I feel optimistic for you!
You have a love for singing, and you realize that you can do this in NYC, in a way that you couldn't in Colorado. This alone should have a strong positive impact on your life. So it's not just the city, it's what you'll be able to do! Why shouldn't you expect to see things improve?
While I agree that moving won't be a magic fix, I see no reason why being able to pursue many activities that you love (like singing) won't be a big help to you.
Interestingly, I currently am very unhappy where I currently am and I'd love to move to Colorado! Colorado Springs is one of the places I'm considering. It may take a while to make it happen. The reasons why I'm unhappy with where I currently am is that I associate it with unhappiness (nothing as traumatic as what you've experienced, but still not good) and I'm homesick for my beloved native California. I don't think I can go back to CA just yet, but Colorado is beautiful and I think that if the situation is right, I believe could be very happy there. But! As you know, it's all about what is inside you, not only the place.
Anyway, you should look forward to NYC, be excited about all the things you'll be able to do. That alone should make a huge difference. I don't blame you for being bored, frustrated and depressed if you're living in a place where you're unable to realize some of your dreams (like singing). I wish you the best! Be optimistic! Keep telling yourself that things WILL be better, because you will DO things to make them better! But most of all, be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal, no matter where you live, it takes time. But I have no doubt, based on what you've said, that you will prevail.
Hi CDers, I would really love to hear people's experience/stories/advice on a particular question that I have. Has anyone ever found that moving/relocating to a new place helped you get over/overcome certain problems you'd been having? Has anyone ever relocated, to start a new life somewhere that you were excited about living--and been able to overcome depression/grief/heartbreak/eating disorders, or any other problems of that nature?
I posted before, but yes, I was, and in several amazing ways. In California, the family crumpled. There were lots of places I loved, but some of them had the stain of the bad memories which overruled it. Where I moved is not perfect, but its largely what I wanted. You'll never find everything. You'll find enough if you investigate enough. And give yourself time to decide if this or that is what really will work. And don't be afraid to take a chance if it might.
Come with an expectation of things being new and different. This is good and bad. It's good because you can sweep away the negative and feel like you can start anew. It's bad because we still have that dark cloud inside, and still have to learn to let it go. But when there is an alternative its better.
Having had family crumple, I can understand. But the worse was all those places we'd been and gone all seemed 'dirty' now. Getting away to a new place took away all of that. I didn't have to see that place we went out to dinner all the time every day. That mattered very much. And this place was a choice I made, not we. I'd dearly wanted to go to another area, but *we* had wanted that. He was still attached to the place. It wouldn't be the same.
I found that at first it was great. I could see clearly. I could put it all away. But you don't just erase a time. When things got quiet I started thinking about it again, and I did a lot of crying. I mourned. I saw all the things which maybe if... I also *let* myself cry. And after I'd cried about the lost possibilites I stopped. I'd said good bye. I still feel sad about some of it, and wonder what if. But its an intelectual wonder now. It wasn't to be. It won't be. I've moved on.
This area where I live isn't perfect. But now its home. I've made connections. I don't fit, exactly. But then I've had the interesting discovery that I have always felt 'different' than most people. I am peaceful about the idea that I never will. But that's okay. This doesn't make me want to go back to California. I have the important things here.
So first, define what you want in the new place. Lots of activities? Don't move to the country or a small town. Quiet and not much going on, then don't move to the city. But think about what you want. And make a plan. How will you do the finances of moving? If you aren't 'retired' (by health, etc plus age) then what about jobs/income? Make the plan as if you had everything picked out. Write it out so you can read it over and adjust. Think of where you might want to go. Look at housing prices, and costs. Maybe even houses, to see what's there. (that's when I found mine, and watched the price drop for months)
When your ready, start making those plans real. But maybe you make the plan, and its not the right time. But in the meanwhile, you've let go of the ghostly feel of the place you know and maybe never leave.
But if you really feel like you need to go, do baby steps and see where they lead. Even if they lead to where you are a different you will understand that.
My mother thought moving away from her house and all the memories that were there would make her feel better, sadly she realized it is much harder than that, those things that cause her depression moved with her.
I think it sounds like you're preparing yourself for everything as best you can. I feel optimistic for you!
You have a love for singing, and you realize that you can do this in NYC, in a way that you couldn't in Colorado. This alone should have a strong positive impact on your life. So it's not just the city, it's what you'll be able to do! Why shouldn't you expect to see things improve?
While I agree that moving won't be a magic fix, I see no reason why being able to pursue many activities that you love (like singing) won't be a big help to you.
YES, that's exactly my point and line of thinking, too. It's not like I think just moving to NYC will magically fix things - it's what I'm going to have access to and be able to do IN NYC that will help me to heal and recover and feel like myself again. Things like singing, being around my friends, having an active/busy job, walking everywhere, getting out - all the things that being in NYC is going to allow me to do; all the things I've been missing. THAT is where the healing and happiness will come in, from being able to do all that. There's not much of that here, for me, in CoSprings--to say the least.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elvira310
Interestingly, I currently am very unhappy where I currently am and I'd love to move to Colorado! Colorado Springs is one of the places I'm considering. It may take a while to make it happen. The reasons why I'm unhappy with where I currently am is that I associate it with unhappiness (nothing as traumatic as what you've experienced, but still not good) and I'm homesick for my beloved native California. I don't think I can go back to CA just yet, but Colorado is beautiful and I think that if the situation is right, I believe could be very happy there. But! As you know, it's all about what is inside you, not only the place.
Why Colorado Springs? Just curious. It's not a bad place - a lot of people love it - but for someone like me, with what I want out of life and what's important to me, it's not good, to put it mildly. For my parents, though, who have great careers here, who take their 5th wheel out several times every spring/summer and go camping - they absolutely adore it here. It's also great for family-oriented people, people with kids, and religious people. A lot of that here. I'm the opposite, though--I have no desire for that stuff, ever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elvira310
Anyway, you should look forward to NYC, be excited about all the things you'll be able to do. That alone should make a huge difference. I don't blame you for being bored, frustrated and depressed if you're living in a place where you're unable to realize some of your dreams (like singing). I wish you the best! Be optimistic! Keep telling yourself that things WILL be better, because you will DO things to make them better! But most of all, be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal, no matter where you live, it takes time. But I have no doubt, based on what you've said, that you will prevail.
Thank you so much - this reply made me smile, and strengthens that hope that I so much need
YES, that's exactly my point and line of thinking, too. It's not like I think just moving to NYC will magically fix things - it's what I'm going to have access to and be able to do IN NYC that will help me to heal and recover and feel like myself again. Things like singing, being around my friends, having an active/busy job, walking everywhere, getting out - all the things that being in NYC is going to allow me to do; all the things I've been missing. THAT is where the healing and happiness will come in, from being able to do all that. There's not much of that here, for me, in CoSprings--to say the least.
I'm glad my post was able to help! I know full well that DOING things is a huge factor in beating depression. When you can DO, you can overcome a lot. And you have control over what YOU do, it's not an outside factor, it's within you.
Quote:
Why Colorado Springs? Just curious. It's not a bad place - a lot of people love it - but for someone like me, with what I want out of life and what's important to me, it's not good, to put it mildly. For my parents, though, who have great careers here, who take their 5th wheel out several times every spring/summer and go camping - they absolutely adore it here. It's also great for family-oriented people, people with kids, and religious people. A lot of that here. I'm the opposite, though--I have no desire for that stuff, ever.
My first choice in some ways would be Montrose. But I have researched Colorado Springs extensively and the rent seems good. I spent some time there (overnight) and I liked it.
It's a long story. Cutting it short, some places make you depressed, and some places don't. The place that other people are all like, "This is the BEST!" is like, "UGH what a horrible place" for you. Where I am right now (not in my beloved California, where I grew up) is dreary, boring, depressing. To ME. In reality, it's just a place, not that bad, and actually a little better in the past few years because I made some more friends and was able to DO the things I love (creative artistic things).
Being from California, I always loved visiting beautiful places and admiring the mountains. I am used to a more arid, semi-desert climate. I am used to seeing mountains in the horizon. Where I am right now is none of those things, no mountains, it's so foreign to me and doesn't feel like "home" at all. When I visit Colorado, I can envision it being "home."
I'm often made to feel guilty for wanting OUT of this place. People don't get that the scenery thing is super important to me. I've come to conclude that some people are not from a culture that values that as much, and "scenery" to them is a generic term — some trees, a few hills, a lake, it's all the same. You don't need an actual mountain range! Our little park here has a hill and a lake, that will be a fine replacement for your regular visits to Yosemite! Uh, no. It's gotten so frustrating for me and now I just want OUT, though I realize that it may take longer to do that than I'd like. And even if I can't be OUT permanently, I'd like to at least escape more often than I currently do!
Oh dear, I did ramble a bit there!
Anyway you get the point. It's really not the fault of the place you're in, it's how YOU feel, what YOU associate the place with, the memories, what you love, what you don't love, and if a place isn't doing it for you, it isn't. There is no "perfect" place for everybody.
Quote:
Thank you so much - this reply made me smile, and strengthens that hope that I so much need
I'm glad to hear that! I can't guarantee you will have great results—nobody can—but I do know that DOING, getting out there and being able to do the stuff of your dreams, that is HUGE. If NYC offers that opportunity, then why shouldn't you expect things to improve? And it may turn out that things in NYC aren't quite what you expected (who knows) but that your time there will lead you to some other place (or thing you discover that you can DO) and that is where you will find what you need. You just have to keep moving forward and being optimistic!
I'm glad my post was able to help! I know full well that DOING things is a huge factor in beating depression. When you can DO, you can overcome a lot. And you have control over what YOU do, it's not an outside factor, it's within you.
My first choice in some ways would be Montrose. But I have researched Colorado Springs extensively and the rent seems good. I spent some time there (overnight) and I liked it.
It's a long story. Cutting it short, some places make you depressed, and some places don't. The place that other people are all like, "This is the BEST!" is like, "UGH what a horrible place" for you. Where I am right now (not in my beloved California, where I grew up) is dreary, boring, depressing. To ME. In reality, it's just a place, not that bad, and actually a little better in the past few years because I made some more friends and was able to DO the things I love (creative artistic things).
Such true words! It's fascinating to me how one person's hell on earth can be another person's heaven on earth. haha. Like I was saying - my parents LOVE it here in COS, and to me, it's dreadful and boring and so dull! But thank goodness we all like different things, or else there would be a whole new meaning to overpopulation... haha.
Where are you right now? Where in CA did you grow up? I grew up in CA too. I'm from Napa--such an amazingly gorgeous place to grow up! I miss it, but wouldn't want to live there right now. Again, it's just a bit too sleepy/small-town feeling for what I want in life. I love visiting though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elvira310
Being from California, I always loved visiting beautiful places and admiring the mountains. I am used to a more arid, semi-desert climate. I am used to seeing mountains in the horizon. Where I am right now is none of those things, no mountains, it's so foreign to me and doesn't feel like "home" at all. When I visit Colorado, I can envision it being "home."
I'm often made to feel guilty for wanting OUT of this place. People don't get that the scenery thing is super important to me. I've come to conclude that some people are not from a culture that values that as much, and "scenery" to them is a generic term — some trees, a few hills, a lake, it's all the same. You don't need an actual mountain range! Our little park here has a hill and a lake, that will be a fine replacement for your regular visits to Yosemite! Uh, no. It's gotten so frustrating for me and now I just want OUT, though I realize that it may take longer to do that than I'd like. And even if I can't be OUT permanently, I'd like to at least escape more often than I currently do!
I (obviously) very much understand the frustration of being in a place of where you just "want OUT". The past couple of years I've been accused of never being happy where I am, no matter what--but it's been by people who don't know me too well, and that's just their assumption. They don't know that it's something entirely different. It's true, I haven't been happy in the places I've lived for 2 years now - but it's because I truly loathe said places (first is San Francisco--I DETEST SF after living there 6 years), and now Colorado Springs, of course). I HAVE been happy other places - I LOVED living in West Los Angeles and Thousand Oaks, I'd go back in a heartbeat--but I've been away from for almost 3 years now (and I wish I'd never left, but I had to).
Quote:
Originally Posted by elvira310
Oh dear, I did ramble a bit there!
Anyway you get the point. It's really not the fault of the place you're in, it's how YOU feel, what YOU associate the place with, the memories, what you love, what you don't love, and if a place isn't doing it for you, it isn't. There is no "perfect" place for everybody.
I'm glad to hear that! I can't guarantee you will have great results—nobody can—but I do know that DOING, getting out there and being able to do the stuff of your dreams, that is HUGE. If NYC offers that opportunity, then why shouldn't you expect things to improve? And it may turn out that things in NYC aren't quite what you expected (who knows) but that your time there will lead you to some other place (or thing you discover that you can DO) and that is where you will find what you need. You just have to keep moving forward and being optimistic!
It's certainly not the fault of the place I live - it's only a geographical location, of course, it's not inherently good or bad. But I also think it's true that there are people who are just meant to be certain places, places where they fit and where the environment is conducive to their happiness--and the opposite, too--there are places that just don't allow for the kind of life and happiness that certain people are capable of and dream of--if that makes any sense.
I hope you are able to get out of where you're living, too, and go where you will be joyful--sooner rather than later.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
For my parents, though, who have great careers here, who take their 5th wheel out several times every spring/summer and go camping - they absolutely adore it here. It's also great for family-oriented people, people with kids, and religious people. A lot of that here. I'm the opposite, though--I have no desire for that stuff, ever.
