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Such true words! It's fascinating to me how one person's hell on earth can be another person's heaven on earth. haha. Like I was saying - my parents LOVE it here in COS, and to me, it's dreadful and boring and so dull! But thank goodness we all like different things, or else there would be a whole new meaning to overpopulation... haha.
That is so true. That's one of the things that frustrates me. Some of the people where I currently live seem to think that I must like it here the best. They think it's great, so everyone else must too. But it doesn't work that way.
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Where are you right now? Where in CA did you grow up? I grew up in CA too. I'm from Napa--such an amazingly gorgeous place to grow up! I miss it, but wouldn't want to live there right now. Again, it's just a bit too sleepy/small-town feeling for what I want in life. I love visiting though.
Napa is SO beautiful! You are so fortunate to be from there!
I am from the Valley-ish, Sunland, La Crescenta area. I love it there. It will always be home.
Right now I'm in some generic midwest town. (I don't like to reveal my exact location. ) It could be worse, but it's not for me. I have made some good friends here, for which I am grateful.
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I (obviously) very much understand the frustration of being in a place of where you just "want OUT". The past couple of years I've been accused of never being happy where I am, no matter what--but it's been by people who don't know me too well, and that's just their assumption. They don't know that it's something entirely different. It's true, I haven't been happy in the places I've lived for 2 years now - but it's because I truly loathe said places (first is San Francisco--I DETEST SF after living there 6 years), and now Colorado Springs, of course). I HAVE been happy other places - I LOVED living in West Los Angeles and Thousand Oaks, I'd go back in a heartbeat--but I've been away from for almost 3 years now (and I wish I'd never left, but I had to).
I know what you mean. I'd go back to La Crescenta or Sunland in a heartbeat too!
I was always told that I needed to "let California go" and immerse and accept the midwest. But I didn't want to, I associate the midwest with unhappiness. (I moved out of obligation, as a result of a something sad happening, not because I wanted to leave California.) I am closer to family in the midwest and I don't regret that part, but if given a choice, I would leave this town forever and never look back. The only reason to return for a visit would be for the people I know here—NOT the place. It sounds so harsh, but I've built up a seething dislike for it, and that's all emotional. I associate it with unhappiness, being stifled, being strangled by guilt because I was "supposed" to love it here and I'm "bad" because I can't (and won't).
Maybe the dislike for it can fade (that probably would be a good thing), but even if that happens, it won't fix the problem of missing the mountains and the arid terrain. I miss it so bad sometimes that it hurts.
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It's certainly not the fault of the place I live - it's only a geographical location, of course, it's not inherently good or bad.
EXACTLY. I have tried to explain that to some of the people here. "It's not a bad place! Not for me, though!" and they still won't get it. They think I need to "try" harder.
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But I also think it's true that there are people who are just meant to be certain places, places where they fit and where the environment is conducive to their happiness--and the opposite, too--there are places that just don't allow for the kind of life and happiness that certain people are capable of and dream of--if that makes any sense.
I think it does. I do think that being in a place where you are able to DO what you love is of primary importance. That is why things have eased up a little (with my hatred of this unnamed midwestern town I'm in), because I finally made some connections and am DOING more of what I love. It's helped a lot. But there is still that ache for the mountains, the desperate desire to go "home." (And I think Colorado could be called "home.") Add to that, that I believe that I could DO more in Colorado than where I am now. (There would be more opportunities.)
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I hope you are able to get out of where you're living, too, and go where you will be joyful--sooner rather than later.
Thanks so much! I hope so too! And I wish you the best. Try to be optimistic! Focus on what you will be able to DO! That should make your life so much better.
I've heard of that book - I added it to my wishlist on Amazon
--but I'm in loooove with the East coast, I feel very at home there, too, and have a lot of friends there. I'm really excited to start a new life there, but at the same time, scared that nothing will get better....so that's why I wanted to hear from others. I have a feeling it will be really good for me to move, but that one part of me is still so fearful--like, what if nothing changes? What if I'm going to be depressed and hopeless forever, and I'm never myself again? :/
It sounds like your fear is more about making a big move. While I agree with what others have said about where ever you live you bring yourself with you, I also believe that living in a place that you love and that feels like home is crucial.
I would trust your gut feeling that it will be a good move for you and also be mindful that it won't cure everything, there will still be challenges but if you feel rooted in a place that feeds your soul, it can't help but promote healing.
And remember that you can do things to make the inner changes you crave. The external world won't heal your inner world (but being in a place you love can sure help) but you have control over making changes that can contribute to some inner healing.
This post is a few days old but this hit a cord with me. I can relate to the OP. I think that where you set up shop can affect your happiness, for sure. I am living in MI. I don't like it here, never have, and probably never will. I've accepted that. I refuse to put down any roots here. I want to live in NYC again, but I was not able to coordinate a move to NYC recently. I found a great opportunity in MI, so it looks like I will be here for a few years longer. I do not think a location should be the main determinant of someone's happiness, or anything external. I'll explain why.
Considering you have moved so frequently in the past few years, you should question if there is an underlying issue (depression/anxiety) that is making you hate every situation you find yourself in and drive potential friends away. You don't seem to be familiar with NYC either, so it's really easy to idealize something that you do not know well yet. It's what I call a "city crush." Visiting won't make you familiar with a place, it's living there long term that will. I am a musician too. A lot of creative types have depression/anxiety and tend to idealize situations. NYC is a very hard place for someone with depression/anxiety to thrive in. I think that you should pursue what you want without a doubt (living in NYC, being a singer), but that is probably not going to happen overnight, even if you did move. If you moved to NYC, and things didn't quite work out like you are expecting or didn't at all, would you be happy with your decision or would you end up back in the same place emotionally? Would you then curse the harsh realities of NYC life and want to move back home? Many, many people end up in that situation.
Life is not perfect. No location has everything one person wants. It's very rare that someone has everything they want in life and every aspect of their life is going well. I understand that where you live now may not be the ideal place for working in the music industry. Few places are "ideal" though...many musicians in NYC can tell you how competitive and ego crushing the music industry there is, myself included. I'm not saying don't make the move..if I was you I'd do the same thing. I'm saying that your dependence on external circumstances to make you happy might be making you miserable. I'm sure your location, although not being a great fit for you, has some things to offer. You wouldn't realize that until you moved away and then those things become more clear to you. Second guess your real reasons for moving.
It sounds like your fear is more about making a big move. While I agree with what others have said about where ever you live you bring yourself with you, I also believe that living in a place that you love and that feels like home is crucial.
I would trust your gut feeling that it will be a good move for you and also be mindful that it won't cure everything, there will still be challenges but if you feel rooted in a place that feeds your soul, it can't help but promote healing.
And remember that you can do things to make the inner changes you crave. The external world won't heal your inner world (but being in a place you love can sure help) but you have control over making changes that can contribute to some inner healing.
Best of luck to you
Thank you very much - I appreciate the kind words
I guess my biggest fear about all of this is: this feels like my last chance/option to fully recover from things. So what if I move, and nothing ever gets better, I'm never happy or healthy again? I mean, I would just be devastated, after having tried everything else. It would feel like there'd be nothing else to do but give up on everything, and I can't imagine that. As I said before in this thread, I'm a very resilient and strong person--I've been through the kind of hell that would make a lot of people turn to drugs and alcohol and just throw in the towel--but I'm still here, I'm still fighting to survive. I know I have something very strong and willing inside of me, but depression is so brutal and killer--it tells me a lot of lies, and I have to fight daily to not believe them. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't. I think you're right when you say living in a place that you love and feels like home is crucial - it can only help! So I'm really excited for that, and to finally be able to do the things that I love. I can only imagine how much that will help me to feel happy again.
This post is a few days old but this hit a cord with me. I can relate to the OP. I think that where you set up shop can affect your happiness, for sure. I am living in MI. I don't like it here, never have, and probably never will. I've accepted that. I refuse to put down any roots here. I want to live in NYC again, but I was not able to coordinate a move to NYC recently. I found a great opportunity in MI, so it looks like I will be here for a few years longer. I do not think a location should be the main determinant of someone's happiness, or anything external. I'll explain why.
Considering you have moved so frequently in the past few years, you should question if there is an underlying issue (depression/anxiety) that is making you hate every situation you find yourself in and drive potential friends away. You don't seem to be familiar with NYC either, so it's really easy to idealize something that you do not know well yet. It's what I call a "city crush." Visiting won't make you familiar with a place, it's living there long term that will. I am a musician too. A lot of creative types have depression/anxiety and tend to idealize situations. NYC is a very hard place for someone with depression/anxiety to thrive in. I think that you should pursue what you want without a doubt (living in NYC, being a singer), but that is probably not going to happen overnight, even if you did move. If you moved to NYC, and things didn't quite work out like you are expecting or didn't at all, would you be happy with your decision or would you end up back in the same place emotionally? Would you then curse the harsh realities of NYC life and want to move back home? Many, many people end up in that situation.
That's a very good point, and it's something I've thought a lot about. There IS a small part of me that fears things (eventually) won't work out how I want them to, and I'll end up hating NYC and cursing it and wanting to go somewhere else. HOWEVER - I really don't think that's going to happen. It IS a small fear I have, but I know myself pretty damn well, and I've wanted this for half of my life--there's nothing else I want to do, you know? Also, I'm pretty familiar with NYC - while I've never lived there, I think I'm as familiar with it as one can get with not having lived there, anyway. I've been visiting there for the past almost 15 years. My point is that I'm not going to give up and get discouraged easily, when this has been my dream for most of my life.
The other thing to address is specifically the reasons why I've moved twice in the past 2.5 years - it's not because I wanted to, it's because of huge incidents, that were out of my control, that happened and I had to move for my own sanity. The first incident being my ex, who I had been with for almost 3 years, tried to kill me. Because of that, I had to flee Los Angeles where we were living together, because I couldn't be in the same city/area anymore, for fear of what could happen. I didn't want to leave LA--it broke my heart to leave. ESPECIALLY because I had to move back to the SF Bay Area, where I didn't really want to be (that's where I grew up). I wanted to be in LA, and continue with my friends and life and jobs there, but having to leave everything so abruptly, due to that trauma that happened, was devastating and it sent me into the suicidal depression and PTSD that have made these past 2 years the complete and utter hell it has been. Then, after being in SF for less than a year, the reason I left SF and came here to Colorado was exactly because of that hell I was in. I've never wanted to live in Colorado, I don't like it here, but I needed to be around my close family and try to get better before taking on this big move to NYC. That's precisely what I've been doing. I'm in a much better place than I was when I came to Colorado 15 months ago, and while I'm not 100% healed, I'm so ready to start my life again. I love my family so much, and I'm so so grateful for their kindness and love, but I'm bursting out of my skin to get on with my life. I've done all the healing and work I can do here, and I truly believe the rest of my recovery will come when I'm finally living again--with my friends, with a full time job, and finding fulfillment and joy with what means most to me--singing.
I know that there will be a lot of stress that comes along with that, too, but as long as I'm actually living and pursuing my purpose, I can handle the stress. Hell, I welcome it - it's much better than being stagnant, idle, restless, and depressingly bored! I'll take stress and being busy over that any day
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Originally Posted by citylover89
Life is not perfect. No location has everything one person wants. It's very rare that someone has everything they want in life and every aspect of their life is going well. I understand that where you live now may not be the ideal place for working in the music industry. Few places are "ideal" though...many musicians in NYC can tell you how competitive and ego crushing the music industry there is, myself included. I'm not saying don't make the move..if I was you I'd do the same thing. I'm saying that your dependence on external circumstances to make you happy might be making you miserable. I'm sure your location, although not being a great fit for you, has some things to offer. You wouldn't realize that until you moved away and then those things become more clear to you. Second guess your real reasons for moving.
Yes, all of that is true, too. If I don't try, I'll never know, and I can't live with that kind of regret - so I'm going to try. As I said before in this thread, this isn't an impulsive move for me--it is something I've been wanting to do for half of my life, so I don't think there's any hidden motive or reason behind it, you know? The reasons I want to move are:
* I love the East coast and have always felt home there
* I love music and singing, and the opportunities there to do that (while highly competitive) are not found anywhere else that I want to be (besides maybe LA, but it's very different)
* I fell in love with NYC the first time I stepped out of the train station onto the streets there, years ago. I could feel the energy and excitement in the air, touching my skin--it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced, and a lifelong love affair with it began, haha
* I am an adventurous spirit and person, and I will never be someone who is content to take the safe path just because it's too risky to go after what you want. I can't imagine not trying to pursue my passions and what I love just because it might not work out. I'd be miserable :/
* It's a dream of mine, and I just have to do it - NOT doing it isn't an option
I moved after trauma too. I loved where I lived, but when everything fell apart, every corner was a memory. The places we went together just reminded me. I felt like it was crushing me and though I tried to put it past me, knew it wasn't going to happen.
It was also health related as the smog was awful. Where I live now is not smoggy at all, though the summers are hot, not as hot as socal. But I might have suffered through it if that was all there was. It was the need for a slower, calmer place and being able to breath.
I did a lot of thinking about it, and was going there anyway, and as soon as I saw a blue sky, people not rushing everywhere, and fell in love with actually seeing the house I'd been watching I knew. It was right. It wasn't the fix of fixes since I could think of the all the issues I'd left unsolved because I couldn't there. And there were things to grieve over. But I came out of the dark feeling amazingly clear. I was able to say good bye to the old place, and start in the new one. The bad hurts still hurt, but not like they did. I can think of that time from a distance. I don't think I'd ever be in this space if I hadn't left.
It's not an absolute, fated end that a move will work. But if you look at it in little slices, and try some distance, and give yourself time to decide, you can get some clarity. And remember, there's always risk. But if we never risk we never get rewarded.
No, it wasn't perfect for me. I still grieve for what was destroyed, but not all the time. And the storms still scare me. And I don't know many people. But I do love my home, that nobody is in a hurry, and I don't get ambushed at every corner.
And I still have my old kit house to enjoy making perfect too, and all mine. Sure would like to find the 'kit' it origionally came from.
Take small steps and organize your options and if it says move, do it. Take a chance is a very magical idea and after you look at the solid, real options its what it says, take that chance. And believe it will be better, because when you choose to believe that you can see a new pathway you couldn't before.
And do whatever you choose for you, the real you inside, not an other self or other person.
Hi CDers, I would really love to hear people's experience/stories/advice on a particular question that I have. Has anyone ever found that moving/relocating to a new place helped you get over/overcome certain problems you'd been having? Has anyone ever relocated, to start a new life somewhere that you were excited about living--and been able to overcome depression/grief/heartbreak/eating disorders, or any other problems of that nature?
I could really use some hope and encouragement, as I've been through hell the past 2 years--and the fact that I've lived in 2 different places that I couldn't stand (but had to live there due to no other choice) hasn't helped in my getting well again. I'm about to relocate to a new city where I've always dreamed of living, & I'm hoping that the move will help me to become my happy, hopeful, pre-trauma self again.
Back story: I suffered a horrible attack/trauma 2.5 years ago at the hands of someone I loved and trusted. Due to that, I developed PTSD, suicidal depression, & binge eating disorder. I completely lost everything I loved, lost who I was, lost my spirit, joy, and hope. I gained 20 pounds & became DEEPLY ashamed (as I was really fit before), making it hard to be around people or meet anyone new. I got swallowed up in the deepest, darkest, blackest hole you can imagine.
Right after the attack, I had to leave Los Angeles, where I loved living, & go back to the SF Bay Area, where I grew up. I tried to get well there on my own--I was seeing a therapist, but I was the most depressed I'd ever been, just wanting to die. I was working an overnight job which kept me really isolated & lonely, I was consumed by binge eating disorder, & it was just getting worse. It was the most unbearable living hell I've ever experienced.
After 9 months of living in SF (a city that I despise, so that didn't help matters), I decided to leave CA to move in w/family here in Colorado Springs, to try to get well & heal. I didn't want to live in Co. Springs, as it's the absolute opposite of the kind of place I want to live, but my family is here, & I knew I needed to be around a good support system.
Also, the purpose of living w/family here was to save money & prepare to move to the East coast to pursue music & singing. I've been singing all my life, sang professionally all over California, and living in New York has been my dream for half of my life. However, I knew that I'd never be able to survive or be happy in NY as long as I was depressed, suicidal, binge eating and full of shame. I knew I needed to heal and be well before trying to make a major life move.
As of now, I've been in CO a little over a year. I'm a little better than I was when I first moved here, but I'm still nowhere near being my "old self" (pre-trauma) that I want to be. I've enjoyed being around family, but Co. Springs hasn't been good for me in any other way. In addition to my never having liked it here, I also have no friends, no social life; I have a job but it's completely boring. I'm bored so much that I just eat, and I haven't been able to completely stop binge eating, even though I've tried everything (therapy, EMDR, dieting, meditation, anti-depressants--everything). I really feel that my environment here is just NOT conducive to the recovery that I need (my psychologist agrees with me on this--he said if he was in a city he didn't like, with no friends, not doing what he loved, he would be depressed too...).
I'm thrilled because I'm leaving Co. Springs in 34 days--I'm SO EAGER to start a new life and never look back at this horrible hell I've been living in for 2 years. I'm bursting out of my skin to start living again. I'm hoping that moving to New York, which is my dream, will be the change I need to finally help me fully recover. I have friends there, I will be singing, I'll have a job that keeps me busy, there will be things to do--basically, I'll have a life again. I'm hoping to God that moving where I WANT to be will help me overcome depression, that I'll be busy, happy and fulfilled, doing what I love (singing/music). I want to believe that the days of going out of my mind with boredom and restlessness, the days of eating myself sick due to depression and shame, will finally be over. I know it won't be easy, that there will be stress, but I'm praying that finally being somewhere that I want to be, doing what makes me happy and fulfilled, will help me be my very-much-missed old self again.
It's going to be hard at first, though, because I'm still 15 pounds heavier than normal, I still have shame, and I'm scared that I'll be stuck in this depression and shame and hopelessness forever. So, to that, I'm asking you all: does anyone have any experiences or stories to share, along the lines of relocating/changing places to be somewhere you wanted to be, and having it help you get happy, help you overcome problems, get over depression, anything like that? I could really use some hope right now. Thanks for reading.
I am really surprised by the negative responses you are receiving. Especially the "wherever you go...there you are" responses. I encourage your move to NYC, because moving there will provide you with the opportunity to actualize your dreams. Because it is what you WANT. This move could indeed improve your depression and end your eating disorder. I say "wherever you go, can really effect who you are"! I am speaking from experience as a person who struggles with low level, chronic, depression. I also had an eating disorder when I was a teenager, which thankfully, I overcame. I believe these problems developed when my parents (due to financial circumstances) move our family 3 times in 3 years. I attended 3 vastly different high schools. Was never in a year book. (The last high school I entered, and graduated from was so large that I avoided entering the cafeteria. I would sit outside and eat alone. I say, be positive. Be prepared. And take this opportunity to change your life. You can do this! It will be an new adventure!
If the trigger is a person, usually for bipolars relocating away from that person might help not to get into the anger manic state but thats not a guarantee another one might develop
If the trigger is a person, usually for bipolars relocating away from that person might help not to get into the anger manic state but thats not a guarantee another one might develop
I did not realize that this person is bipolar. I also, didn't realize that her post was from long ago 2016.
I am not bipolar. I am just a person who had a difficult adolescence, and still struggles with low level depression, which gets effected by physical health issues. I have survived. I hope that TiffNYC is doing well and is on the road to a happier life.
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) It could be worse, but it's not for me. I have made some good friends here, for which I am grateful. 
"City crush"
