[Tricia819]

My eldest daughter is turning 10 next month, and she is to the point where she wants to have sleepovers, etc, with her friends. Her best friend, up to this point, is a little girl who lives across the street whose mom I've known since I was her age so I don't have a problem letting her go to her house without me.

However, last year a new family moved in a couple houses down and my daughter really likes spending time her little girl. She wanted to go into the girls house to play with her doll house, so her mom came over and introduced herself. She was friendly and seemed normal enough. She's divorced, has custody of her daughter, no men in the house, christian (I know that doesn't always mean much), and her daughter is home schooled.

Now my daughter wants to go to her friend's birthday party with her grandmother and father at a local campground that has an indoor pool. I know where the campground is and have been there before. I briefly met the grandmother who is going to be supervising the swimming, and she gave me her cell phone number and her friend's father's name and cell phone number. She told me what they're going to be doing and when they will be back.

I guess my question is how much should I know about my kids' friends' parents? I want my kids to have friends and do things with them, but I worry about letting them go places with people I don't really know that well. How to be protective without being over protective?

[johnrex62]

You will never know enough to be totally secure. I feel you should contact them face to face and get a gut feeling for them and ask enough questions that they know you can track them down if anything happens and they can't hide from you.


Seriously, if you get to meet them and know them as more than a name and phone number and still get no bad vibes then that is probably as secure as you can get without a background check and a body tracer on them.

As long as they know you are protective of your child and willing to go the extra mile to ensure their safety and they are good with sharing themselves with you, I think you are ok. There is no such thing a 100%, even after the background check and the 24/7 private investigator trailing them for a year, so chill out, keep a watchful eye, and try not to smother your child into a mass of psychological neuroses.

[danielj72]

I see you are near Flint Mi, so Im going to go out on a limb here and guess that the campground you mention with a indoor pool is an outdoor adventures campground. (Davison, or Standish)If it is, I can tell you that the security in those campgrounds is great. They watch the pool, keep everyone under control. They have gated security as well. In my opinion you can trust outdoor adventures. Now the parents of you childs friend, that is obvioulsly a judgement call on your part. At 10 years old though, spending time away with friends is pretty normal/healthy behavior for the child.

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by Tricia819

My eldest daughter is turning 10 next month, and she is to the point where she wants to have sleepovers, etc, with her friends. Her best friend, up to this point, is a little girl who lives across the street whose mom I've known since I was her age so I don't have a problem letting her go to her house without me.

However, last year a new family moved in a couple houses down and my daughter really likes spending time her little girl. She wanted to go into the girls house to play with her doll house, so her mom came over and introduced herself. She was friendly and seemed normal enough. She's divorced, has custody of her daughter, no men in the house, christian (I know that doesn't always mean much), and her daughter is home schooled.

Now my daughter wants to go to her friend's birthday party with her grandmother and father at a local campground that has an indoor pool. I know where the campground is and have been there before. I briefly met the grandmother who is going to be supervising the swimming, and she gave me her cell phone number and her friend's father's name and cell phone number. She told me what they're going to be doing and when they will be back.

I guess my question is how much should I know about my kids' friends' parents? I want my kids to have friends and do things with them, but I worry about letting them go places with people I don't really know that well. How to be protective without being over protective?

If you are really uncomfortable, offer to help and go with her. Sometimes we're being over protective and sometimes, we're not. No one posting on a board can tell you which you're being.

Just tell them you're an over protective mom and you're having trouble letting go and you'd be more comfortable if you were there and go.

[gentlearts]

This sounds like an arrangement I would be comfortable with.
There is more going on here besides just a birthday swim party. It is about you beginning to let go of the reins of your little girl a bit, and it's about your daughter gaining confidence to be out in the world without you.

[JeanP]

My son was invited to a friends birthday pool party at a local public pool. There was a life guard on duty and about a dozen parents there, but I still couldn't feel comfortable leaving him, so I stayed. About 30 minutes later the birthday boy jumped into the deep end of the pool and started going under and my son jumped in to help him but neither boy could swim, so in his panic ,the boy started pulling my son under water. The parents were all chatting and visiting, the life guard was reading a book, no one but me saw what was happening. Only after I screamed and ran to the boys did any one else notice the trouble these boys were in.
Call it "over protective" if you want, but no one will watch your child as closely as you will, I say go to the party with her and stay in the back ground if you must, but be aware of what goes on while she is at the party.

[Giesela]

No reason not to advice here (though ultimately its your decision) but I think there is a parent board here too.

[Tricia819]

Originally Posted by gentlearts

This sounds like an arrangement I would be comfortable with.
There is more going on here besides just a birthday swim party. It is about you beginning to let go of the reins of your little girl a bit, and it's about your daughter gaining confidence to be out in the world without you.

Exactly. It's not easy to trust people I just met to keep my kids safe. Particularly, when I don't know if they are safe drivers or if their homes are safe.

[scolls]

LOL my parents let me play outside in the city of Detroit till dark. I even went alone to a pool by State Fair and Hayes. I'm sure your daughter will love her mom tagging along everywhere she goes.

[Tricia819]

I have no interest in tagging along with her wherever she goes, but I wouldn't be a mom if I didn't worry.