winter vs. living near family (Milwaukee, Greenville: how much, homes, school)
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I started my thoughts on this topic on another thread, but I decided to move it to a new thread to find out people's opinions and thoughts. I would love to hear from you!
Do you live in Wisconsin to be near to family but hate the winter weather? Is it worth it to you? Is being near family so important to you that you're willing to deal with the winters?
Or have you ever lived in Wisconsin to be near to family but then left for a warmer climate because you just couldn't take the winters anymore? How do you feel now that you've left?
Below are my two posts from the other thread that I copied over here, sharing my thoughts...
MY ORIGINAL POST:
I keep trying to decide if I would be willing, or be able, to put up with the weather in the winter just to be close to family. You should be able to live where you enjoy living weather-wise, but family is so important, especially as parents and everyone else grows older, that I think that dealing with the winter weather would be worth what I'd get in return.
"MILWAUKEE CITY" THEN POSTED:
People sometimes forget that we have planes, cars, trains, buses that take to places like visiting family. I would come back every year for Christmas or "winter solstice" for my liberal friends here. I know my family would be more than happy to drive or fly to visit me in Florida.
MY REPLY:
Well, I don't forget that we have those things, but it sure is a hassle to have to deal with travelling, especially the money, the airplanes, the living out of suitcases, and going all over to so many people's homes. Plus, you can't make it to a lot of things that you wish you could throughout the year. And with small children, you just want your kids near to their extended family to know them better than once or twice a year in visits. I have one couple in my family that has come to visit in all the years we've lived away...no one else ever has. It's always us making the trip back.
Anyway, it's true we can get to see family in ways other than living there, but it's just so much easier and cheaper to live within a couple hours, and you get to visit a lot more often. Hmmm...the never-ending dilemma. My husband doesn't really think it's worth it, but I still wonder.
I think everyone knows my position on this topic. I would live abroad in Poland if I could. Family is important to me but so is mental health and exercise. I would make trips back to Milwaukee for Christmas and once in the summer, I don't find flying a hassle or driving a hassle at all. I once drove nonstop to New Orleans in one day just stopping for gas.
I used to live near Chicago and hardly ever saw my two stepsons and their families because they were living in Florida, and I never liked it there so didn't even want to visit often. A couple of years ago (after excessive heat and two hurricanes in a row), they both decided to move. One headed up near Raleigh, NC and the other other here to Greenville, SC. I came for a visit and not only fell in love with the city and surrounding area but became totally enraptured by my now toddler grandchilden.
I made a couple more quick visits and had packed and moved within the next five months. I don't regret it for a second, though I do miss my friends back home. Being close to family again and watching my grandkids grow up is better than anything I had going on in Chicago.
Now, having said that, I think it's far easier to move to be with family if your family is living in a warmer climate than Milwaukee or Chicago. If I had started out living in Greenville and they wanted me to move to Chicago, I'm not sure I could have made that move as readily.
I have a pretty clear idea on this one. I believe family is way more important than weather...actually, I believe family is the most important thing.
Here are my reasons for going with "living near family", and all this assumes you like your family:
-A forced "vacation" at Christmas (or other family holidays) is a pain in the butt, especially with kids. Then, if you want to build some type of tradition about holidays for your own family, that becomes more difficult. i.e. I like having Santa come to our house, then around noon going over to my parents.
-We frequently have last minute "parties" with my family, as my kids love parties. I just call my parents and brother and they come over. In Spring-Fall, I frequently cook out and have my family over for dinner. Not possible if you live too far away.
-My parents help watch the kids, this is very valuable to us, my kids, and my parents.
-If people live far away, no one ever visits as much as they say they will, no matter where you live.
-Birthdays are way better with the whole family
-I grew up far away from my cousins and rarely talk to them. My wife grew up near her cousins and they are her best friends.
-My sister & other brother live far away, in nice climates, but they need to make the effort at holidays and other major events. My sister decided to come back to MKE at least 6 times a year, which has made a big difference in our kids relationships, but i know this is hard for her and very expensive...but, she decided that since her husband can't/doesn't-want-to move right now, that this is how she will use her money. My brother plans to move near us within a couple of years.
-When I lived in LA, I had limited vacation at my job, and after factoring in trips to MKE, I rarely could do big vacations to cool places that I wanted to do.
Just food for thought. After being away from family, moving back around them is not always as you would expect. I had it happen to me, and know people who did that and felt a bit let down with the expectations of " family time." /family life. I think family is very important, just don't expect their lives to change and start revolving around you being 'home.'
I am not currently in your situation though, dealing with the weather and no family.
Wow, I have to say that almost3am and summerray BOTH had very, very good posts here and make very compelling arguments from their points of view. Excellent advice / food for thought given.
Point #2 -
jessysunshine - Your post / questions, thoughts, etc., are so right, right up my alley you wouldn't even believe it.
I am in my young 30s. My wife and I had been living in the Milwaukee area in the early 00s right when we had gotten married; we met in college in the area - she was *not* a WI native nor had family here...came from a tropical climate for college - I *was* a WI native with much family / friends, etc., here.
By 02 or 03, we both had had enough of living in this climate and fell in love with the desert Southwest. We ultimately chose Albuquerque, NM to relo to (not necessarily for "jobs" or "family"...we found good jobs there and had almost no family or ties there, but just loved the area), and we moved there and lived there from 03 until 07. We couldn't have loved it any more. The weather for us was so night and day superior - we just loved (for us and our interests) just about everything about the weather / climate.
Similarly, as an additional bonus, we really loved the town itself (culture, food, people, landscape), etc.
While we were in ABQ, we had two young children. As 3am references, it became kind of an expensive chore to always come back to WI for our vacations so we could visit all of our friends and family up here. Also, I knew (even though they'd never come out and say it), it really killed my folks not to be closer to their grandchildren who they adored (as well as be close to my wife and I). They came down to ABQ to visit a lot too, but indeed, it was more of an expensive hassle than living in the same community.
When we were up for our visits, my wife and I (and admittedly even I more than my wife), would become quite emotional in how much we enjoyed our social interactions with friends and family up here, how fun and likable those times were, and how much we missed that all when we were down in ABQ. We had lots of nice *acquaintances* / loose friends in ABQ, but it just "wasn't the same" I guess.
Ultimately, we decided the family / people factor was just too great / enticing for us back up here in the Milwaukee area, and despite our utter love (and huge preference) for the climate / weather down there and our overall love of the area and the town, we moved on back up here.
That (above few paragraph) ties well into 3am's thoughts.
Now that we've been back up here for about 1.5 years (and were socked with two abysmally tough winters, even by WI's standards), the evaluation of our decision continues (as many of my rambling, babbling posts on the CD Forums have alluded to).
Overall, we have indeed enjoyed being near family and friends again. I am not going to lie and say that that hasn't been a nice, enticing thing for us. In fact, typing out this post (forcing me to think this all through again), it has probably admittedly even been a bit nicer than my wife and I would generally consciously realize. However, I have always been struck here largely with what summerray noted...I feel that we really kind of overrated the virtues of living back near our loved ones, and what the heck...I am just going to quote summerray here because he/she summed it up perfectly for me too, "moving back around them is not always as you would expect. I had it happen to me, and know people who did that and felt a bit let down with the expectations of " family time." /family life."
It is a hard dichotomy to necessarily just articulate or pinpoint. It *is* nice - very nice in many regards - however, is it nice enough to have justified coming back up here - a place we like fairly well but whose climate we don't like - leaving behind our beloved climate and town? Really, I have to say no.
Thus, in retrospect, would I do it the same way again? No, no I wouldn't. Surely, hindsight is something we don't have in life until *after* events occur, however, if I had, I would go back 1.75 years and totally reverse course, staying in Albuquerque and making the negatives of the situation (eg: being far away from family and friends) work.
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Now...I should note...all of this I think is largely because we loved Albuquerque so very much in most all facets. I don't know if it would be the same had we really lived there only because we loved the weather. Loving the weather was a component of why we enjoyed living there - a strong component - however, it was far from the only component.
To illustrate what I am saying, although I have never lived in LA, from my time spent there, I am guestimating that I would not really love residing there, as much as I love that climate (which is quite different than Albuquerque's but another climate that I do really like, along with tens of millions of others). Thus, if I had to live in LA, even though I would fall in love with the weather, I am guessing it would be much easier for me to have moved back here, because the other components I would prefer here.
So weather is a big factor - to some a significantly big or even huge factor - but I refuse to think that for nearly everyone it is the *only* factor. You still have to like where you are living for other key reasons.
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I guess ultimately, I think this boils down to how well you / your spouse enjoy living where you are currently. If you / your spouse really would in a utopian world like to be within driving distance of your family BUT otherwise you guys REALLY LIKE where you are currently and really like the weather, etc., then I would suggest seriously considering staying put.
However, if you really do not like at all where you are currently and are just there for the weather, then it probably would be very advantageous to explore the move closer to family.
One thing about Wisconsin weather - especially in the Milwaukee area - my rule is that it tends to be either really horrible (eg: winter) unless you enjoy "winter" and winter sports, activities, etc., or really nice. I think May through October here are incredibly nice...nicer than many if not most parts of the nation weather-wise. And I tend to personally feel like November through much of March or April are quite rotten. So while weather overall can be a huge turnoff for many people to this region, one thing you can be fairly comfortable with is that it isn't like you'd be in for year-round misery weather-wise.
I think treading cautiously and thoughtfully though is the best suggestion here, as it is really, really, REALLY painful to warm weather lovers or outdoor lovers to do as I did - head back to ABQ in early March when it is in the 10s up here with seeming no end in sight into the 50s, 60s, etc., of ABQ and strong warm sunshine, or know in March down there all of the fruit trees are in full blossom / spring is alive, etc., and up here we are still some months from that. That does get discouraging and hard.
And another final note - while family is so, so, so important in life, and spending time with them so much easier living near them, remember, the far bulk of your family's time is still spent among yourself / your own family. The huge, overwhelming majority of your time and life is still spent in your own endeavors, your job(s), school, etc. Thus, I still think ideally you live where you are a best fit, happiest, etc. If the weather makes you so much happier where you are now (like it did for me in ABQ), that makes a huge dent on your day to day life (like commuting to work, taking kids to the park, talking walks at night, etc.).
It helps us to happily "survive" up in the Milwaukee area that we overall really do like the area and recognize the many strong attributes living in the area offers, in and above family and friends. Having a great job up here helps too. However, for us, we'd just rather be down in ABQ or the region and really hope it works out to return there eventually again having learned a lesson for us. Everyone is different though, and this is just one of those "tough ones" that can go either way.
I have a pretty clear idea on this one. I believe family is way more important than weather...actually, I believe family is the most important thing.
I'm not arguing family isn't the most important thing, but it's relative to your stage in life. I'm 27 and have finally realized what's important to ME and makes ME happy...so, I'm moving to CA which has many of the things I'm looking for... Weather being #1. I'm gonna miss the hell out of my friends and family, but I need to start getting MY own life in order the way I want. The weather here doesn't allow me to do many things that I would like to do and doesn't make it nearly as easy to live the physical lifestyle I want. So in this case, weather is definitely more important than family...
I understand that it can be a tradeoff between being around family and friends(and familiar surroundings) and being in warm weather. I have been trading off the two for many years. I moved to Tucson Arizona some years ago and really loved the everyday sunshine etc. but after awhile I just wanted to get back to familiarity and family and friends. The best way to do it is to live in the warmer climate in the winter and spend spring, summer, and fall in Wisconsin near the people you want to be around. An added advantage to that is after you are away awhile people seem to appreciate your presence more that if your around all the time.
The best way to do it is to live in the warmer climate in the winter and spend spring, summer, and fall in Wisconsin near the people you want to be around.
I'm not arguing family isn't the most important thing, but it's relative to your stage in life. I'm 27 and have finally realized what's important to ME and makes ME happy...so, I'm moving to CA which has many of the things I'm looking for... Weather being #1. I'm gonna miss the hell out of my friends and family, but I need to start getting MY own life in order the way I want. The weather here doesn't allow me to do many things that I would like to do and doesn't make it nearly as easy to live the physical lifestyle I want. So in this case, weather is definitely more important than family...
Just an FYI, I am not trying to get everyone to agree family is #1, we all have differing priorities and are at different times in our life...not judging or persuading, just telling my story. Anyway, I moved out to SoCal when I was 26 and I loved my (~decade) time there and I fantasize about living there again--although I highly doubt it will ever happen. I had a great lifestyle, hiking in the mountains every Sat morning with friends and meeting different friends in the city at night. When I met my wife, Sundays became beach days (she was a "beach person", as we call it), which made it even better. I played basketball twice a week at night...outside. It was pretty sweet.
Even though I loved living in LA, I would still rather live near my family with kids. That is just me, and I wouldn't change our decision, even though I truly am sick of cold weather right now...probably the worst time you could ask me if I like the Midwest. Last year we went to the beach for 2 weeks in early March and THAT was a great decision, hopefully I will do that again next year and make THAT a family tradition.
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My husband doesn't really think it's worth it, but I still wonder. 
