Do most white Minnesota men not like to date outside of their race? (Minneapolis: transplants, how much)

[wondergl]

I am an attractive Asian woman who is attracted to white men, but I'm having a hard time attracting them. I notice that there is not a lot of interracial dating in MN, even in the Twin Cities area. If I go even 5 minutes outside of the Twin Cities and its surrounding suburbs, then it gets worse. I love going up north, but I get the most unpleasant stares ever.

I didn't have the same problem when I lived in NY or CA. I would like to move some place where diversity is more welcomed and perhaps I'll meet a nice white/caucasian man, but current circumstances will not allow it. I'm open to other races, but I'm just more attracted to white men.

I also tried online dating, but I've never seen so many profiles that state they only want white. The ones that don't state it will immediately block me. Yep, all here in the Twin Cities.

[uptown_urbanist]

Your experience really surprises me, as the Twin Cities actually has a reputation for interracial dating, both historically and also today. I know a ton of people who have dated or married people of different races, and white men/asian women couples are not exactly uncommon.

then again, you can't really complain about people not wanting to date you because of your race when it sounds like you're just as guilty of choosing your dates by their physical appearance.

[mike6679]

I'm a white male and I would prefer to date outside of my race. Kind of funny because I actually prefer Asian and I've had the same concerns about Asian females as you have about white men.

I guess the point is, no not all prefer to stay within their race.

[montymontage]

I'm a white male and have dated outside of my immediate /ethic group--though I could some plenty more dates, regardless of race, ethnicity....but I digress!

To the OP's observations/question. Minneapolis/St Paul isn't an especially diverse city. It's not the boroughs of NY or CA. My arm-chair sociology suggests that some, hopefully small, percent of the white men you've reached out to are out right bigots with a neanderthal's ideal of women in general, to say nothing of race and/or ethnicity.

A far larger percentage of white Minnesota men probably are afraid of accidentally saying something stupid and potentially offensive because they have little experience with talking w/ ppl outside their immediate milieu.

Probably even more important: this is a chilly place socially, especially among the 'whites.'

When I commute to work, I take one of the more diverse bus routes to work. When chatting w/ passengers they sometimes (assuming I'm a native Minneasota based on my racial characteristics and Midwestern speech) will ask me questions that, in ways, echo your post's concerns. The truth is well over 90 percent of my social interactions--unless I'm at work or handing over ducats to a 'native' white cashier--are with ppl from outside Minnesota, regardless of race, nationality, ethnicity.

It's not a very friendly place, in that way. My advice would be try to focus on events, groups, activities that have a lot of transplants. Maybe try socializing in areas that are more diverse, i.e., near south Minneapolis neighborhoods such as West Bank, Steward, Whitter, and Powderhorn. You will see a lot less white men but the ones you see might be less nineteenth century and more open to you. Best of luck and don't let it get you down; it's not a bad town just not a great place to date

[drishmael]

Originally Posted by montymontage

"A far larger percentage of white Minnesota men probably are afraid of accidentally saying something stupid and potentially offensive because they have little experience with talking w/ ppl outside their immediate milieu."

I suppose that's possible if you're over 40 and/or live outside of the Metro.

"Probably even more important: this is a chilly place socially, especially among the 'whites.'"

Entirely contingent upon one's status as a native or a transplant. Among many of us in the former group, Minnesota is home in every sense imaginable -- our friends/family cluster around us like a warm cocoon, and we spend time together quite often. Even the folks who move away almost inevitably return. At a friend's wedding a few months back, he was one of the few AAs in attendance; the bride was white, as was the best man, who hails from a prominent family of German farmers that settled in the area more than a century ago. Point being, the biggest cleavage isn't white/nonwhite -- it's native/transplant.

[rogead]

I'm extremely surprised by this. Although I'm personally a few decades removed from the dating scene, none of the young White men I know would be inclined to reject an attractive Asian woman as a dating partner. In fact, to the extent that I'm aware of their dating preferences, Asian women are usually at the top of the list.

[rtloucks]

I was born and raised in MN and actually dated several Asian Women between my late teenage years and mid 20s. I didn't think of it as an "outside of my own race" thing. For me it was simply an attraction that formed because of who I was hanging around with. And at the times I dated those women, it wasn't looked down on or thought weird of. I don't think it was that uncommon, maybe since youre not having a lot of luck dating, it just seems like a stereotype. I say hang in there. Don't try so hard to date "White Guys" just date Guys. I can't imagine people being that judgmental on race/attraction in Minnesota.

Here is one thing to consider though when you talk about going out further. Being born and raised there I know the culture there. We were born and raised to hang with the people we know and we tend to have large circles of friends. So its not that they wouldn't date an asian girl, its really just a thing where its tough to get into their sphere. We tended to date our friends a lot if you know what I mean. We all hung out so much and so often, we didn't have time for newbies. So maybe just take it slow, build some relationships first. After you build trust with some of the guys, then approach the subject.

Im sure you will be fine. good luck, stay beautiful!

[wushuliu]

Originally Posted by rtloucks

We tended to date our friends a lot if you know what I mean. We all hung out so much and so often, we didn't have time for newbies. So maybe just take it slow, build some relationships first. After you build trust with some of the guys, then approach the subject.

Meanwhile as life passes her by...

@ OP I would sign up/join/volunteer for as many activities as you can so you can meet more people. As a non-native Minnesotan it is truly depressing at times how difficult it is to make new friends here. Most of my friends here are also non-natives. Yes there are a lot of interracial couples but pretty much in the metro. My gf and I are an example. But she's from Seattle. I had to outsource.

Minnesotans are really nice folks but a lot of them have poor skills when it comes to meeting new people. I introduced my gf to my boss at a holiday party and she (my boss) and her husband just *stood there*. WTF. One of the most awkward experiences I ever had, but typical in Minnesota.

Join a film club/book club/cooking class/wine club WHATEVER IT TAKES. Hopefully you'll make some connections and go from there.

[rtloucks]

Originally Posted by wushuliu

Meanwhile as life passes her by...

Minnesotans are really nice folks but a lot of them have poor skills when it comes to meeting new people. I introduced my gf to my boss at a holiday party and she (my boss) and her husband just *stood there*. WTF. One of the most awkward experiences I ever had, but typical in Minnesota.

I have to disagree with part. Completely opposite if anything. We were always very good at meeting people because of how outgoing and friendly we all are. Its not a matter of "poor skills" it's a matter of not letting anyone and everyone into our circles. it goes back to what I was saying earlier. We are very accepting people, we are very friendly, but our trust is earned through time. People in MN that were born and raised in the area have very traditional values.

[Lodestar]

I believe for generational Minnesotans what we are discussing is cultural. For many years I assumed it had something to do with the nature of Northern Europeans but then I got to know relatives from the "old country" and started to rethink it.

I think some of this reserve may be an artifact of the immigration experience. These were people for whom it was important to fit it and not look different. They were careful not to expose too much of themselves for fear of not seeming sufficiently in the mainstream.

From the family stories I've been told they were subject to ridicule and considered backwards and gullible by the people who were already here. And often they were taken advantage of.

I wonder how much of that caution has been passed down and is the sort of "reserve" people notice in Minnesotans.