Homo/Transphobia, AA Meetings, More Stuff.. (Billings, Missoula: rent, home, tenant)

[TakeHimAway]

My roommate and I are transmen, which for those of you that don't know, means we were born female, but live as male full-time, and plan on acquiring hormones and surgery to become legally male.

The first time I ended up in Montana, it was by way of Spokane, Washington, and I was shocked. I had never seen that many stars in the sky, like blown away.

I lived in Hot Springs Village, Arkansas, when I first came out as transgender, and I'm not going to lie; some days were miserable, but other days, I was happy. I enjoyed not living in the biggest town on the planet, that things were simple, people were friendly, and rent was cheap!

I work from home, and he will either get a job somewhere or work from home like I do, so we will mainly stay by ourself, until we find somewhere else to live, like coming back to Portland, but that's not something we want to do right now.

I am sober. Do we have any good AA meetings?

I know they say we're gonna have to drive a lot to get groceries or whatever, but I'm not super concerned about that, due to living in Moro, Oregon, which was about an hour to get groceries each way.

Does it snow a lot, and get really cold? I've lived in New York and Maryland, so I'm not scared of snow..

Is it possibly to live without a car there? I'm selling mine, and Rene doesn't have one.

Thanks so much!!

[Reziac]

I figure if you just live as regular guys, don't make any big deal or advertise about being TG, no one will care one way or the other, beyond some folks being curious if they happen to notice it. It's when you smack people upside the head with your "differences" that they're liable to take offense and decide they don't understand and maybe don't like it. (You wouldn't like it if someone who'd found religion came over and shoved your nose into a bible first thing, eh? Other folks won't like it any better if you punch their nose with some gender issue.)

In other words, if you're really and truly TG, there's no need to "come out" as such, just be who you are without announcing it (unless someone expresses an interest).

That's pretty much how Montana-style live-and-let-live works. It's not "being in the closet", it's just living your own life without having to tell the whole world about it.

I don't know about AA meetings but there are support groups just about everywhere now, and if not, maybe you could start one!

I'd say if you have to sell your car to get by, you probably can't afford Montana -- cost of living isn't all that cheap, and there's not a lot of public transport. Bozeman has a fair free bus system, but Bozeman is pricey for living in, too.

You can get an eyeful of Montana winters from the highway webcams.

[MTSilvertip]

Reziac is right. If you don't push the issue, nobody will care. Unless you tell them, I doubt anyone would notice so if you don't shove it in people's faces, you will just be another guy judged on who you are, not the sum of your operations.

A female I went to high school with had the same operation and unless someone knew her from the old days, you wouldn't know the differnce.

I still see that individual once in a while and as far as I know, nobody has said anything about it one way or the other. It was her choice.

There are AA meetings available in the larger towns, and most of the smaller towns.

Montana can be expensive, and it is a long way between towns here. If you live inside city limits it is possible to get to work or groceries or your doctor appointments, but it isn't like Portland with lots of public transportation options available so you will be limited in how far you can go or what you can see.
A car may not be an absolute necessity here, but it is a heck of a good idea.

Good luck

[Mt-7]

Yep lots of snow
Yep lots of cold
Nope no public transportation
Check here for your AA services, most are local and church orientated.
Post when you narrow it down to an area and we can help you more.
Area 40 - Montana Alcoholics Anonymous Website

[TakeHimAway]

Reziac, well, it's not like a I have a blinking sign over my head that says, "Shoot the trannies!" But, I'm 5'5 and lack facial hair. Do you really think that I'm going to pass as male there, without horomones? It doesn't really work like that. I'd rather not get called she or just a dyke, if that makes any sense. I know the entire world doesn't know I plan to transistion, but I'm gonna be pissed if someone refers to me as a woman. It's that simple. That is not how I present myself, or live my life. Yeah, I'm down to start one, but I think you have to have been sober a while to start one. I'm not selling my car to get by; I'm selling my car, because I suck at driving and hate it. I could always check out Bozeman. I didn't look there. I only looked in Butte and Billings. Wow, it's really snowy. My dad says I shouldn't live there, because it's like -40 degrees, but I didn't believe him.

MtSilvertip, I'm not planning on pushing the issue, only being myself. Yeah, surgery is expensive. I look like a tweleve year old boy. Good AA meetings are amazing, and I would love to find some. Yeah, I may or may not sell it. I just hate driving, so what is the point of having a car? Thanks!

MT-7, oooh, snowy and cold is what's detering me. Lack of public transportation kinda sucks, too. That's good to hear. Most AA meetings I've been to are held in churches.

Thanks for your help, y'all. Portland is looking nicer and nicer.. ;p

[Keim]

Your dad was right, Butte and Billings can both get down to -40, even colder. I experienced -65 in Havre, and -35 in Helena. -20 is not unusual anywhere in the state.

[Reziac]

Originally Posted by TakeHimAway

Reziac, well, it's not like a I have a blinking sign over my head that says, "Shoot the trannies!" But, I'm 5'5 and lack facial hair. Do you really think that I'm going to pass as male there, without horomones? It doesn't really work like that. I'd rather not get called she or just a dyke, if that makes any sense. I know the entire world doesn't know I plan to transistion, but I'm gonna be pissed if someone refers to me as a woman. It's that simple. That is not how I present myself, or live my life.

LOL at the sign image!! (New lyrics: "They're coming to take him away -- BLAM BLAM!!") I personally know people who pass both ways, both with and without going the full route, but by "be yourself" I did mean with or without surgery, hormones, whatever works, it's just part of you, no big deal, nor should it be. (The required bank account to go the full route might be a big deal, tho -- My sister's former next-door neighbour did the full F-to-M thing, as it happens. But he can afford it.)

Yeah, a lot of people don't get that people don't TG because they're dykes or whatever; they TG because Mama Nature had bad aim. Gender dysphoria is very real, and probably has a solid genetic basis (consider all the ways the X and Y chromosomes can mess up that we know of!)

Originally Posted by TakeHimAway

Yeah, I'm down to start one, but I think you have to have been sober a while to start one.

No idea, but seems to me being a team leader is good motivation to stay sober. And congrats on however long, and may it be as long as you wish.

Originally Posted by TakeHimAway

I'm not selling my car to get by; I'm selling my car, because I suck at driving and hate it. I could always check out Bozeman. I didn't look there. I only looked in Butte and Billings. Wow, it's really snowy. My dad says I shouldn't live there, because it's like -40 degrees, but I didn't believe him.

-40 is optimistic. It can get colder than that, and often does; severe wind chill can drag the effective temp into the -100 range!! Northwestern MT is warmer, and wetter, but it's still not Portland's climate.

I grew up in MT, but am presently in SoCal... I like to shock my friends here by telling them that the "winter" they're whining about is 100 degrees warmer than it is in Montana. Sure puts it into perspective.

People often suck at driving because they've had poor training and/or have the wrong vehicle for themselves. I drive a fullsize pickup and love it; it fits me perfectly. But if I had to drive my former tenant's minivan, I'd probably have to drive it over a cliff in sheer self-defense (I hate the thing and because it fits me poorly, it messes up my driving skills, which are damned good with the truck). Anyway don't give up on yourself there; lack of your own transportation can really cripple your options. Take a good personalized driving course (not one of these churn-'em-outfits). And spend some time test-driving different vehicles (make that car salesman earn his keep ) and maybe one will click for you... quite possibly NOT the one you expected. Used car lots can be great for that, especially if they have a lot of older models (different from what's presently popular).

Also, get your eyes checked; undiagnosed vision issues, including funky colour vision, can really affect your driving skills.

My former tenant can't see yellow properly, so has trouble with yellow lights and median lines -- and she didn't know why she had the problem, she just thought she was a terrible driver (well, she was when she started, but got better -- I gave her a lot of lessons!!) I noticed the yellow issue right away and made sure she understood what she wasn't seeing and how to look for it as contrast instead, and that helped a lot. New prescription contacts helped even more (she's so nearsighted, that glasses make her have tunnel vision; contacts give her a MUCH better field of vision.) -- I know someone else who didn't realise he was almost blind in one eye, and that messes up his depth perception -- he was almost 30 and hadn't known he needed glasses!!

[Rickers]

I walked to the store for groceries in 31 below zero and that was not wind chill factored in and it was windy with blowing snow.

That was three weeks before winter last year in Conrad. It was actually fun in a sick sort of way.
Kind of like Muslims who whip themselves to go to heaven, we put up with cold snaps to live in heaven. ~♥~

Look out below. It's time for a picture ~♥~
Conrad's clock has seen a lot of cold winters
including last fall's -31 cold snap.
http://lh4.ggpht.com/_9a8nDInPVGE/TPRlwDrLH6I/AAAAAAAAH78/MZT-Sj1tbP8/s512/IMG_0364.JPG (broken link)

It gets cold enough in western Montana even in the so called banana belt
areas in lower elevations to freeze the surface of the slow moving rivers.
You can't usually ice fish on this kind of ice unless you want to dine with Davey Jones.
http://lh6.ggpht.com/_9a8nDInPVGE/TPRd5PXB2ZI/AAAAAAAAH7c/wxyXmBSk98U/s512/old%20pics%20110.jpg (broken link)

[Timberwolf232]

I'd say just be yourself and don't push anything on anyone... If you come with a combative attitude, you will hate it, if you come with a live and let live attitude you will be just fine.

[ambbb]

Do you know where you're looking in Montana?

I think Billings or Missoula would be your best choices. I have LGBTQ friends in both places and for the most part it's not a big deal. Though, maybe you're not looking for places as large as that? Missoula's population is around 64,000 and Billings is around 105,000.

I suggest Missoula because it is the most liberal city in the state. It's actually almost like a small Portland (side note: I have actually lived in Portland too).

I suggested Billings because, well, basically because it's the largest city in the state and probably has the most options of what you're looking for (though I'm still not quite sure what it is that you are looking for exactly).

The rest of this basically applies to both places: It's not as easy to get around without a car as it is in any real city, I mean, it's not impossible, just maybe sort of annoying in the winter specifically with the cold weather and piles of snow if you're planning on biking or walking. The public transportation isn't great, but there are buses that run in both cities.

It gets cold, sure, but I don't think it will be too much of a shock if you've lived in other places that it snows.

The cost of living is pretty reasonable too, both places are probably in the same price range, you could get a decent place for around $500-600.

There are AA meetings in both places. I've never been to AA and don't know anyone in AA, so I can't give you advice on how those meeting are, but I know that there is that option in both places.

I'm not sure where the idea of driving far to get your groceries came from (unless you're planning on really rural living?), but in both the larger and smaller towns in the state they are like any normal place, with grocery stores around and chances are you'll live close enough to one that it won't be an issue.