Montana-bound and miserable: anyone else? (move to, map, parties)

[NorCalMan]

Originally Posted by wanderluster123

Tough love from the internet! Honestly everyone, I already know my decision but wanted to exhaust all options (which after this I will have; I’ve never posted in a forum before.) He may as well have said he’s moving to Antarctica. And I love my job.
“Family money” was perhaps the wrong phrasing by the way, tried to keep personal info vague.

There are really no options for you unless one of many things happen. You learn to love the cold and the rural life, you learn to love Hunting, Fishing, hiking, solitude, not having shopping right around the corner, your man grows up and gets a job... After 5 years, You give up your well-paying job for uncertainty, you accept and realize that you would be his supporter and enabler in life.

One of the only really good things about getting old is perspective. And what my perspective has shown me is that for a relationship to be successful it's not about compromise, it's about commonality and mutual interest. Sure, there's a give-and-take in any relationship, but no relationship will survive when one person's dream is squashed by another person's wants or desires.

I'll tell you why we ARE looking at moving to Montana or Wyoming and you can see if any of this applies to you and your man. We both have jobs that can be found anywhere, in any town, in any state. We both want a state that has less smog, traffic, population, lower taxes, no sanctuary cities, no wonky liberal politics, less restriction on guns, better education opportunities for our kids, less diversity, endless outdoor options that have less regulation and less cost attached to them. After living in the Central Valley of California where it's 90 to 105 degrees six months out of the year the cold and snow sounds mighty good to us. We want to live in a state where homes don't cost an arm and a leg to purchase, a state that our kids could look forward to owning property in and not living in $2,500 a month 1-bedroom apartments.

Now, none of what I listed above might apply to you. And that's okay. There's one silver lining, if you were to move to Montana you would at least still be with your man. If you're with the one you're truly meant to be with then it doesn't matter where you are in the world, you'll make it work together. Doesn't matter if it's Montana or Nebraska. See, Relationship Forum.

[Screenwriter70]

Personally, I wouldn't consider moving to a state like MT but then I'm a POC & living there would definitely be out of my comfort zone. Not to mention the horrible weather.

[Electrician4you]

When I retire I plan on buying a property in Montana or Wyoming. I’ll spend 6 months there and 6 months in So Cal.

There is no way I would move there under the circumstances you described.

[NW Crow]

Bozeman and surrounding area has some trailer parks / low income (as most places do) but also lots of university students, post university 20s / 30s , typical middle class, typical retirees and also some wealthy and very wealthy. The trend is for more upper middle and higher incomes. There is a modest tech sector in addition to the University, development industries, tourism, medical services and the other normal economic layers. Some people find it too upscale / trendy for the interior west and pushing into "too big" or already past that. Tastes vary. If Bozeman is too small and not upscale enough, consider urban Colorado or Boise. Missoula gets far less snow in town. Or stay where you are.

If YOU are a wanderluster, where do you want to wander? Is that place on the table? Could the two or you agree to try one or more places fron both lists before settling down? How important is wandering?

If you didn't get enough information to decide, you should make another more focused research visit. Make a list of what you neeed to know to decide and get answers. Different than being a tourist or visiting his family.

[historyfan]

I'd pick Boze over Missou because the sun shines way more in Bozeman in the winter. The ticket to joy is finding something to do in winter activity-wise that you love....skiing, cross country skiing, snowmobiling, ice skating, hockey, broomball, wildlife photography, snowshoeing......
Bozeman is full of very happy transplants.

Many people in MT do make their living remotely, so I'd see if that option is open.

[Electrician4you]

Originally Posted by NorCalMan

There are really no options for you unless one of many things happen. You learn to love the cold and the rural life, you learn to love Hunting, Fishing, hiking, solitude, not having shopping right around the corner, your man grows up and gets a job... After 5 years, You give up your well-paying job for uncertainty, you accept and realize that you would be his supporter and enabler in life.

One of the only really good things about getting old is perspective. And what my perspective has shown me is that for a relationship to be successful it's not about compromise, it's about commonality and mutual interest. Sure, there's a give-and-take in any relationship, but no relationship will survive when one person's dream is squashed by another person's wants or desires.

I'll tell you why we ARE looking at moving to Montana or Wyoming and you can see if any of this applies to you and your man. We both have jobs that can be found anywhere, in any town, in any state. We both want a state that has less smog, traffic, population, lower taxes, no sanctuary cities, no wonky liberal politics, less restriction on guns, better education opportunities for our kids, less diversity, endless outdoor options that have less regulation and less cost attached to them. After living in the Central Valley of California where it's 90 to 105 degrees six months out of the year the cold and snow sounds mighty good to us. We want to live in a state where homes don't cost an arm and a leg to purchase, a state that our kids could look forward to owning property in and not living in $2,500 a month 1-bedroom apartments.

Now, none of what I listed above might apply to you. And that's okay. There's one silver lining, if you were to move to Montana you would at least still be with your man. If you're with the one you're truly meant to be with then it doesn't matter where you are in the world, you'll make it work together. Doesn't matter if it's Montana or Nebraska. See, Relationship Forum.

While the whole romantic thought may be there, money is what makes the world go round. You’re suggesting that he gives up his career for love. Personally I would say look go over there see how you like it and I’ll stay here. I guarantee you in 6 months they will be seeing other people. If they aren’t and their love is so strong towards each other one will make the sacrifice and either move there or move back.

But there is probably little future for op there. And living off “family money” won’t get them far. Unless they come down with a case of affluenza.

[NorCalMan]

Originally Posted by Electrician4you

While the whole romantic thought may be there, money is what makes the world go round. You’re suggesting that he gives up his career for love. Personally I would say look go over there see how you like it and I’ll stay here. I guarantee you in 6 months they will be seeing other people. If they aren’t and their love is so strong towards each other one will make the sacrifice and either move there or move back.

But there is probably little future for op there. And living off “family money” won’t get them far. Unless they come down with a case of affluenza.

I only suggest the OP give up his/ her career for love if he/she truly knows that he's the one. My wife and I are a team, we can go anywhere and make it work. We might not like living in, say, Nebraska but we'd make it work and be happy because at least we're together. Being able to count on, confide in, and trust your partner is monumentally important.

I also believe their relationship wouldn't last 6 months apart, at least based on the info the OP provided.

[JoesJava]

Never chase after a man (or woman). It sounds like he crafted this idea while thinking only of himself. That tells you all that you need to know..

[NDak15]

Originally Posted by wanderluster123

If this was already a question I didn’t see it, so sorry if this is a repost!
My partner wants to move to Montana (Bozeman or Missoula) and I’ve had a very hard time adjusting to this idea. We went to Bozeman and the surrounding area for a week while it was snowing in the fall and I was not impressed: it seemed very cookie cutter strip malls like you find anywhere. He said we didn’t spend really any time downtown, which is supposed to have more character. Also the first thing you see when you leave the airport is run down trailer parks, so maybe my first impression was not the best.
I currently have a high paying job which I would have to abandon (possibility of working remotely but is slim); my partner has no job prospects there but his family all recently moved there (past 5 years) and there is family money. I think he is romanticizing rural living (we’ve lived in major cities our adult lives) and not looking at the reality of such a lifestyle switch — especially 6mo of winter.

My question is specifically to people who moved to Montana unhappily or begrudgingly — how do you cope? Did your attitude towards your town/circumstances change over time? Anyone move here from somewhere mostly sunshine-y and warm year round, as I am? How did you adjust?

P.S. I know it sounds as if I’m putting this state down, but I did grow up in small towns/rural areas and know the positives of a close knit community. I’m asking more for advise on adjusting to a small community in one of the US’s most rural states where — from my research (and even my partner’s) — there are not many opportunities job or otherwise.

I wouldn't move anywhere where there are no jobs or nor decent jobs. No place is worth that.

[scott2018]

you only live once go enjoy Montana ya can always leave later I wen the other way I left Montana for coeur Dalene Idaho then 10 yrs later california in the Santa Rosa vine yard area and I felt it was awesome just the idea of living life and experiencing different things makes it all worth while Montanas a buetiful place and like anywheres there's good and bad things no matter where you go I say just enjoy yr mate and enjoy it together