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I think she was serious about the "multiple personalities" bit in her last post- in one post she's married, in another it's her "ex-fiance", and in another its a boyfriend. I think originally it was the hubby/fiance/boyfriend's family that was in NJ, and now it's her's. I'm so confused...........
No I don't really have mulitple personalities - it's just one of those things - he moved and said "you're my woman - you go where I go" and i said kiss my *** even though i really wanted to go the whole time...he's from there,moved back after college- i have family that lives there (even though I've only seen them three or four times and just discovered they lived there about a month ago from another relative)
I called him my husband cus he called me his wife and my friends know that we were engaged (without a ring) for a whole year and if I move there, they'll surely call me a fool for following him and well it basically boils down to flat out "Baby Mama Drama" I always knew I wanted to move to NJ, I just needed some validation.
Bob don't you watch BET? All black families are connected in one way or the other. Go to a couple of reunions, you'll see the same people at most of them. (In case anyone gets offended that was a joke)
I'm moving from orlando, Flordia. Yes, I have my own car. Nope, moving for personal reasons. My family in New Jersey is old -well like in their 40's - and only go to work and church - when I asked them detailed questions all they could say is "it's nice" and my son's father says things like "there's no clubs" so I don't really value their input. It's odd that you would suggest New Brunswick, as several people have told me I'll get shot in the head if I cross the street there (not really, but that's the impression I got from them) ...
Sure I am- I have multiple personalities and we've decided to go our seperate ways.I visited VA and I didn't like it. I can't explain it but it was just too much like where I grew up...all the same people, could have just been the areas I was in, but no matter where I move, I have to be close to family because of my little one.
So I then barged into my Aunt's house in Clarksville, stayed there for a few days and then did some exploring. TN was nice, but my Aunt is doing her old "I'm divorced and have no children in my house" kinda thing, so I can tell she doesn't want to be that "In case of emergency" person...which defeats the purpose of me living close to a relative. I've been sort-of planning to move since I graduated and I think I have at leats one relative in every state - who says "Oh this is great, you'll love it here" so then I go and I research and I don't.
So far I've been to Alb, NM (which is where I grew up so that didn't really count to me) and it's still too damn hot and all the affordable apartments look like South Central LA - that's why we left in the 1st place - gangs were taking over.
Then I checked out Glendale, AZ - where I melted in the unbearable heat and jumped a plan to Dallas, Texas - which was okay, except my brother lives way way way out in some suburb that's outside of Dallas and I'd end up living about a good hour away without traffic, based on the apartment search I did there.
Dallas was followed by Atlanta, which I've gone to dozens of times and it's a great place to visit but who wants to live in that traffic? So then I checked out a couple of other areas in GA, I visited North Carolina, and Maryland.
I think all along I knew I was going to end up in NJ, but I was "pretending" to really have an interest in all these other places, just in case things didn't work out the way I wanted them too...or actually I was just trying to think of a really good story because I really don't want to end up a Lifetime Movie "silly lovestruck girl follows ex-fiance out-of-state hoping to rekindle love and finds him married to someone else, blows up the house" kinda thing....yeah I'm rambling again. My life is a soap opera...young &the restless could learn a few things from me.
Anyhow, no I won't be moving to Va or TN, but my trip to TN was very nice and I did a lot of the things people suggested. Clarksville is actually a very pretty place.
Didn't you say that you had a child?
If so , this is too much moving around for this kid; if not it's too much moving around for you; so many places and so young and by the way your family that's in their 40's may seem archaic to you; but sounds like they have experience and are trying to get you in a stable environment. NJ is not like the South by a far cry and you're talking about a whole new culture here than southerners..
What do i know well being ex-military I think I lived enough places in the US to offer some sound advice; Second of all; there is no utopia's anymore; you have the bad and the good everywhere you go; I was raised in NY and here in NJ and New Brunswick sounds like the spot. unless of course you'd like to live closer to the wild side a quick commute to NY will satisfy your party life. But that's just my .02 cents
Wish you the best
No I don't really have mulitple personalities - it's just one of those things - he moved and said "you're my woman - you go where I go" and i said kiss my *** even though i really wanted to go the whole time...he's from there,moved back after college- i have family that lives there (even though I've only seen them three or four times and just discovered they lived there about a month ago from another relative)
I called him my husband cus he called me his wife and my friends know that we were engaged (without a ring) for a whole year and if I move there, they'll surely call me a fool for following him and well it basically boils down to flat out "Baby Mama Drama" I always knew I wanted to move to NJ, I just needed some validation.
Bob don't you watch BET? All black families are connected in one way or the other. Go to a couple of reunions, you'll see the same people at most of them. (In case anyone gets offended that was a joke)
I think you are hilarious Natalay. I am in my twenties and I suggest you not follow him around the map like a puppy dog and work hard to make a better life for you and your child. It sounds like you do alot of moving and even though I don't have children yet I am sure they need a stable environment so when you look at these places are you looking at what is convienent for you or if it would be a good place to raise your child? It depends on where you want to live in NJ. I am from North Jersey and I don't really drive around different parts of NJ unless it is for a specific reason so I can't tell you the "best" place to live. Montclair, Bloomfield both look good to me but then again you have some shady looking areas like in most towns. Also Don't watch too much BET!!! They stereotype black people and don't uplift our culture like you think they would.
As a matter of fact TURN OFF BET --After you watch Baby Boy for the 2000th time!!!
wow, you really get around! I wish I could travel around like that; don't have the time ro money. no wonder your financial advisor wouldn't let you make a trip to NJ to check out the place you want to live. Well, I think you have a wealth of info on a variety of places now, so you'll make the right decision. good luck!
LOL Maybe I should have been clearer - I haven't lived in all those places I visited see (I know this is not a therapy chat but I talk a lot anyway so I don't care. If you find me boring don't read it. Stop reading right now. Seriously)
I grew up a Air Force Brat - born in Florida - grew up in New Mexico where race and economics weren't a big deal (on the air force base of course) moved to FL when I was about 16 - hate it - hated everything about it - don't like the slowness - the spread out trips to nowhere - the thourists - the heat - the rain - I just didn't like it period. But at 16 what can you do? I had a full scholarschip to UCF - out of state fees are a monster so I stayed - met my lovely husband-boyfriend-ex-fiance-baby daddy - fell head over heels in love and viola! a baby showed up (funny how that happens)
Anywho, we never planned to make Florida our home - we had all this plans but reality hit and B.A's don't get great jobs - they get "we're looking for someone with more experience" or "sorry, you're overqualified" or "you're great, but my daughter needs a job too" okay so nobody actually said that to me but I know how it is. So his way of fixing things was to go back home where he has tons of family who offered to help us out until we got on our feet. And he asked me to come and live with him. So I said no...well I said some really colorful things but no was the gist of it.
Not because I didn't want to go, but because I don't want to "live" with him, I want to marry him and even though he proposed (with a ring before he left) I know he only did it because I wanted him to - not cause he wanted to.
So then I decided I would move somewhere else and have a great and wonderful life just to spite him and show him what he missed out on. Which is when I started traveling to various relatives houses just to occupy my time.
But the switch from being a "living-with-my-baby-daddy" single mom to being a real single mom was not nice. When he's sick, I have to leave work & if I'm sick or have to work overtime or am caught in traffic, I have no one to call. I can't even make a 2:48am trip to Wal-mart without packing a diaper bag. Social life? What social life?
So there came my validation for my friends...that's really all I was waiting on was to gain the "approval" of my girlfriends...but mostly I needed time to prepare myself for the fact that even when I move we still might not get married but at least with the help of him and his family, I won't go deranged (and get those multiple personalities) trying to be Superwoman. Some women have the strength to work 40 hours a week, go to school and still cook dinner everynight. I'm just not one of them. I'm a fruity pebbles type of girl. And I can't tell my 1 year old "hey, just chill out while I go get my masters and then hopefully an internship that will lead to a great job. THEN I'll take care of you"
So yeah, that's my drama in a virtual nutshell. Now I'm going to go watch my Baby Boy DVD with the directors commentary on.
Well Natalay no one can tell you what to do. All I can suggest is take online courses towards your MBA and look for a company who is flexible with your schedule as far as daycare problems. Also look for a company that offers tuition reimbursement or put your education goals on hold since you already have a bachelor's degree. Depending on what career you choose an MBA may not be necessary (not all VP's have one!!!) and it can also be another 6 figure student loan debt as well.
NE PA has Super Walmarts and is much less expensive to live than NJ. We just moved here from northern NJ and it's really nice. Where we are is a bit more rural than most people like but I'm 30 mins or less to any supermarket or Super Walmart for that matter...Home Depot or Lowes.
it can also be another 6 figure student loan debt as well.
Student loan! One of the beneifts of growing up poor and black in America is that when your GPA is high enough they pay you to go to school (and even give you enough for a car payment but don't tell the govt ) I want to go into communications/public relations ultimately and getting my masters is really just a way of getting an internship - I had one here at a magazine publishing company (Sport Fishing) but after I graduated they couldn't offer me a job because of budget cuts. And his daughter needed a job.
Yeah I've considered all of the above and they're still options, I love online classes - if I could have only done online high school I would have been so much more popular - but mostly I'm just tired of being alone. I don't mean that man-woman kind of alone, but that friends & family thing. (gosh my grammar is horrible here - who would want me teaching their child English?). I think I'm just ready for a change - some adventure. And I lucked out and got an "active baby daddy", and he takes an interest in my son's life. So it's a good thing for my son too, cause my family is spread out all across the world and truthfully, (aside from my parents and sibilings) we ain't really that close.
You know ever since Big Mama died we kinda fell apart...wait that's Soul Food.
When I told my mom she didn't even bat an eye - I was expecting her to throw hot grits on me - but all she said was "Don't get pregnant" Like I'd go out and do something foolish like that.
Thanks for tolerating my nonsense! Well my shift ends at 4pm so I won't be online anymore - I try to reserve my leisure online time for working hours.
Dang what school do you go to that is cheap enough to allow you to do all that with financial aid??? What I am saying is you don't need an MBA. I worked at a publishing company and a couple fashion magazines and I have my BS in Fashion Marketing and Management. I did an internship at a PR company and all they want is a Bachelors Degree.
I think you are hilarious Natalay. I am in my twenties and I suggest you not follow him around the map like a puppy dog and work hard to make a better life for you and your child. It sounds like you do alot of moving and even though I don't have children yet I am sure they need a stable environment so when you look at these places are you looking at what is convienent for you or if it would be a good place to raise your child? It depends on where you want to live in NJ. I am from North Jersey and I don't really drive around different parts of NJ unless it is for a specific reason so I can't tell you the "best" place to live. Montclair, Bloomfield both look good to me but then again you have some shady looking areas like in most towns. Also Don't watch too much BET!!! They stereotype black people and don't uplift our culture like you think they would.
As a matter of fact TURN OFF BET --After you watch Baby Boy for the 2000th time!!!
I don't know you, but I like you!!!!!
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no wonder your financial advisor wouldn't let you make a trip to NJ to check out the place you want to live. Well, I think you have a wealth of info on a variety of places now, so you'll make the right decision. good luck!
