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Fortunately, everyone's life is not already ruined.
You sound very unlucky- some mistakes can't be reversed.
All you can do is learn from it.
And by the way- nobody has to be married these days.
It's 2009.
Get an education and find other educated people who know about how to prevent disease while still having fun.
It doesn't matter where one hangs out as "the disease" is everywhere and no place is immune to it = that's why "the broad brush" mentality.
But there are environments and places where you find less of the negatives you are speaking of. Those environments may be of no interest to you but sometimes it is a matter of your value system and not your geography.
For example, someone in my family is married to a rural southerner (and that is where they live). People live very simple lives. When one of the locals leaves and moves to a large urban area, it is sometimes the case that they come back very changed. Want the finer things in life, etc.
But not all of them. Some stay very true to their uprbringing and themselves.
My point is that it is what you value in life as much as your geographic placement. If you are raised that materialism is what matters, then all of this is mute. I would not want to live in the rural south but I haven't felt the need to do something like that. Thankfully. I have met very cool people in my travels and there is a spectrum.
everytime I've met a divorced woman, they always said it was the man's fault.
just once, I'd like to talk to a divorced woman & have her say "it was my fault"...
just once.
Sarcastic switch on - It's NEVER her fault - she's always the victim so how can they be wrong? They are perfect and have those anti-male laws and VAWA which means that Men are terrible, horrible, and purely hated as well as being born solely to serve females as a wage slave and any other selfish female wants - Sarcastic switch off.
In this current society Men just don't rank.
Add to injury that 80% of the jobs being lost in this economic downturn are held by Men and females actually don't give a hoot in fact I read that they're relishing that they're now the dominent job holders.
I'm sorry JG183, but I am now COMPELLED to respond ...I take it you were never married and never had any kids so I feel the need to enlighten you, as I have both a child and have been divorced for a few years. Here are some facts about divorce:
1) There is rarely such a thing as alimony anymore, ask my lawyer he'll tell you. I don't get any, never did.
2) As far as my ex being taken to the cleaners, as you claim happens with every divorced man in the country...his family contributed nothing, my parents contributed everything, and I always worked, usually earning about the same money except for when my son got kicked out of daycare because of his attention deficit and I couldn't. AND instead of leaving with what he came with (i.e., the clothes on his back) he insisted that I buy him out of the house even though he left when I had a PER DIEM job and a mortgage two of us were paying....I didn't even have a guaranteed income or benefits. I offered to let him out of several years of child support in lieu of, but he refused, so my father had to borrow the money for me against the equity in his house in order to pay him off because I couldn't afford it with my PER DIEM job...and there wasn't a position available at my job when he left...he left with no debt and $60K in his hand plus all his income to himself, after I helped him change careers.
3) Per the divorce agreement, he is supposed to be providing medical benefits...however, he hasn't had a job in...well, May will be three years, so I'M doing it...he remarried, and now for the second time since he left, I am the only adult working out of the three of us involved in this situation....hmmmmmmm...interesting, I've been at my job for almost 10 years and I work my a** off, lazy woman that I am! Meanwhile, he hasn't worked at an actual job in the last three years...
4) I take care of my own house with the help of my father...You mentioned painting specifically...I painted the entire interior of this house myself, before we moved in back in 2000 and now that he's gone, I am in the process of repainting it for the second time...I paid someone to help me, but the majority was done by me. I did the living room, also refinishing the fireplace and the dining room, and will be doing the back bedroom and other rooms when it gets a little warmer in a few weeks, and I painted every square inch of the trim myself FOR THE SECOND TIME. I also shovel my own sidewalk, rake the leaves, trim all the bushes to keep them neat, pay all the taxes and bills myself.
AND...5) I NEVER said it was all his fault..I wasn't an angel or easy to get along with either, but it was just being around him that caused me to turn into someone I wasn't, someone I didn't even like, because I was that unhappy...and one day I woke up and said, thank God he did me the favor of leaving because I tried to keep it together for my son but it wasn't healthy for me, and I didn't even recognize myself anymore, in the mirror and otherwise...it was definitely half and half as far as fault..but before you go around saying we always blame the man and we always are the ones to make out in divorces, come meet a few of my divorced female friends...what they've been through with the various jerks/deadbeats they were married to will make your hair stand on end...
Btw, my ex and I get along just fabulously, now that we're not together. We have our rare moments when we've disagreed and gotten into it, for example over important issues such as my son's right to have medical benefits and be taken care of propely when he's sick, but I have NEVER given him a hard time because I am bigger than that...for my son's sake.
And btw, in the end, it was the best for all involved, but I would still never wish it on anyone...you have no idea what I've gone through...
Put that in your pipe and smoke it!!!
P.S. I am not interested in a man's wallet,..I own my house now free and clear and my car, have a good job, a military pension and I do get some child support, I don't need a meal ticket, I need an equal thank you very much!!! I'm not a golddigger, but for God's sake I don't want to carry anyone else either...I need an EQUAL. But that seems to be a sheer impossibility these days...
There is rarely such a thing as alimony anymore, ask my lawyer he'll tell you. I don't get any, never did.
thank you for sharing, I mean that.
but, though it may not be called "alimony", there is compensation provided in a large majority of settlements.
Quote:
Originally Posted by onegreatnurse
before you go around saying we always blame the man and we always are the ones to make out in divorces, come meet a few of my divorced female friends...what they've been through with the various jerks/deadbeats they were married to
no offense, but the fact that they refer to the men as "deadbeats" means that they were expecting to get money out of the man.
but, though it may not be called "alimony", there is compensation provided in a large majority of settlements.
Let me add that the monthly Child Support payment judgment can be quite inflated in many cases that it may as well already include a like alimony payment in that.
Of course it's a whole other story if he doesn't pay.
I hear and read so many stories on why marriages fail and many for fickle reasons while some are the "me-me" syndrome reasons as well.
Off to bed I go, so Good Night to all and have a GREAT upcoming Sunday!
[b][u]
Add to injury that 80% of the jobs being lost in this economic downturn are held by Men and females actually don't give a hoot in fact I read that they're relishing that they're now the dominent job holders.
That's definitely not the case where I am- nobody is relishing anything. Times are that bad. There are just as many females losing jobs and many are state workers who thought they were safe.
If you come from a world of tradition it might be hard for you to understand that people are inherently selfish. People do tend to be out for themselves but this is nothing new. The only difference is that women don't have to live the old role anymore. But that is not necessarily a bad thing for men. I have never been married so I have never had to deal with the court system but other than that I would not spend any amount of time lamenting the current state of affairs between the sexes.
People are individuals and not everyone is looking to marry thankfully. Society is at a certain point and both sexes need to grow up a little. Other than the courts system bias, I don't see the need for all the wine here.
Don't go about the dating world in NJ with a lot of these guys' ideas in mind.
If you go into the NJ dating world without those ideas/bad experiences we're telling you - good luck!
Remain open-minded as that is how you want a woman to be as well.
If you do this make sure your wallet remains open as well.
Women, by and large, are not needy. A lot tend to pride themselves on their independence.
Women by in large don't mean what they say - just see what they do and they pride themselves on being independent using another Man's money ask just about any Man.
Enjoy your time in NJ and have a blast. Keep your head screwed on straight and all will be just fine.
This I agree with - enjoy!
NJguy - please don't ever subject anyone, woman or man, to a relationship with you...PLEASE!!
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...I take it you were never married and never had any kids so I feel the need to enlighten you, as I have both a child and have been divorced for a few years. Here are some facts about divorce: 
