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We've had these friends (husband and wife) for a couple of years. For a while they were bad about canceling dates we had planned to get together. I thought they had gotten better, but.....
For at least a week, we had planned to take a hike this morning. A few days ago, in attempting to finalize our plans, we were having trouble setting a mutually acceptable time. DH and I get up around 7, so we wanted to pick them up around 8:00 to 8:30 to go out for breakfast, but I suggested 9, knowing that other people don't get up as early as we do. The wife likes to sleep late, so 9 wasn't good for her. But we couldn't have breakfast later than 9----being up for 2 or more hours by then, we'd be famished. So I suggested that we pick them up at 10, walk, and then have a picnic lunch where we were hiking. It was agreed that that would be okay.
Yesterday I got a call from the husband (he is more social than the wife, so he does the arranging). He said he thought he pulled a muscle in his back from loading his lawnmower into his car to get it fixed. He wasn't sure he would be hurting the next day, but thought he better cancel just in case he was. He asked if we wanted to do lunch the next day anyway. I suggested dinner since we had a GroupOn we had to use. We agreed on the place and time.
Today he called at 2:30 saying the wife wasn't up to going. The reason: they had friends over the night before and the friends brought a bottle of port, which supposedly has more alcohol. Wife reportedly drank four glasses of it and is paying for it today with a major headache. Yet they went for a walk a little earlier---where she dragged herself around, supposedly.
I could see canceling one plan---but even the alternate plan? And yup, I understand that we weren't being completely flexible----that we didn't want to eat later than 9 a.m., but physiologically, that wouldn't be good for us---just like getting up earlier than 10 a.m. isn't good for her (she likes to stay up late).
Should we dump these friends? Or am I being too hard on them?
On the surface you seem to be their back-up plan, perhaps finding someone whose lifestyle more closely matches yours would be better. No need to dump them, just contact them more infrequently.
If they stay as friends depends on a lot more than just a few speed-bumps like them being inconsiderate to you.
But that lack of care suggests that you reduce how many times you include them in plans where a broke RSVP messes with your own plans. IE: Tell them you will be starting out on a hike, ending in a brunch, leaving such and such at this time, and you'd love it if they showed up and joined in. That way they choose if they want to come, but your plans aren't effected.
I wouldn't dump them, I would just develop some other friends. Find someone who is flexible enough they don't mind getting up a bit sooner or whatever. If it were me I wouldn't bother to invite these people out anymore, let them make the arrangements to suit your schedule for a change.
Friends should not be that much work. I might not dump them but I probably would not actively try to make future plans. If they want to see you they will call.
If they stay as friends depends on a lot more than just a few speed-bumps like them being inconsiderate to you.
I'm not understanding this. You think that a lack of consideration is just a speed bump in a friendship? Shouldn't friends be considerate to each other?
I have seen this and had it happen before. It's rude and speaks to their inconsiderate nature. We really should at least just ask for consideration from our friends. Cancelling all the time is really bad form, and lets me know I am not that important to whoever keeps doing it.
if they've always canceled plans like this then give them the axe, it's not bad timing if something like this always comes up. Don't take it passively, call them out on it because if you don't you're as much at fault.
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