Single, middle-aged and without children? Are you REALLY happy and content? (cuddle, husband)
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Not content at all. 43 and divorced with no kids. Hate it. This was not the plan I had for my life at all. Recession ruined my career, so no hope of finding a wife and having a family. Its a disaster for me. Lonely with no hope is no way to live, and thats how I'm living.
Why would you say that you have no hope of finding a wife and having a family?As long as you're employed,working, you still have a chance of those things that you think you don't.Don't give up and try to stay positive.It can be hard but you can do it!
I always looked young so thought "I got time", and a little spoiled too cause dating was way more fluid back in the 90s and 00s.
The thing stopping me now is a mix of inner perception (How lame, I'm the late bloomer. I wanted to be first. etc) pride, ego, and the actual fact it's also up to some girl/woman out there to want to.
Also that I feel like I'm seen as trouble, it's just so on my face and voice, like girls can tell I'm somehow a broken/stay away one. Or "one of those". I feel I'm put into a category, or group. My equivolent would be the 43 year female with the sun-worn tattoo and a strong tone in her voice as if she's been burned and is on the defense. Only I got no tattoos. But I got the "inner workings" of someone who should've, and girls intuition says, I somehow am "weak" for not having been able to express something inside. That leads to danger, explosions.
stage 1: the successful dater is in a honeymoon relationship (usually years 1-2 of marriage)
stage 2: the euphoria subsides and subtle differences start to arise (usually by year 2)
stage 3: the differences escalate to a major conflict: threats of divorce, arguments, affairs, etc.
stage 4: the make it or break it stage - somehow the conflict escalates to a major level that needs resolution.
stage 5: the couple survives the high and low points and learns to live together despite differences.
This is the twilight set of years for older couples who weathered the storm and survived intact.
Most couples don't make it to this level.
So, I dare you to make it to stage 5 intact. I honestly hope you do. But the odds are generally against it for the aggregate population.
I'm friend with a couple of never married/no kids women in their 40s. None of them feel compelled to vilify marriage in general. It just didn't happen for them, and they're good with it.
Your "stages" might be the recipe for a bad marriage between drama queens/kings, but it's not for a successful one.
I'm going on 25 years married, and my marriage has looked nothing like your "5 stages". No roller coaster of euphoria/conflict, no threats, no learning to live together "despite" anything. We teamed up all those years ago and while things have happened we had to deal with, all of the drama came from outside our relationship. Things like ill parents, death of loved ones, extended family issues, the normal things people have to deal with in life.
Your "stages" might be the recipe for a bad marriage between drama queens/kings, but it's not for a successful one.
I'm going on 25 years married, and my marriage has looked nothing like your "5 stages". No roller coaster of euphoria/conflict, no threats, no learning to live together "despite" anything. We teamed up all those years ago and while things have happened we had to deal with, all of the drama came from outside our relationship. Things like ill parents, death of loved ones, extended family issues, the normal things people have to deal with in life.
Nothing is absolute when it comes to people and relationships. Those "stages" may apply to some but not others. Also, the stages can be less or more in number and can vary from couple to couple.
Nothing is absolute when it comes to people and relationships. Those "stages" may apply to some but not others. Also, the stages can be less or more in number and can vary from couple to couple.
Why are any of these things necessary to be content? Despite their popularity, they are all optional extras and not essential ingredients for a happy life.
The main reason for my discontent has nothing to do with family and relationships (or a perceived lack of them) and everything to do with the time it's taken me to achieve my career and personal goals. Rightly or wrongly, I think a marriage and children would only slow me down, so I long ago decided not to trouble myself with either.
I was hanging out with a buddy yesterday watching his 10 year old in a big swimming competition. I felt so disappointed that I didn't have a family of my own. I was just observing all these proud, seemingly happy parents watching their kids. I could have been a good dad. That should have been me. It just makes me sad to think I'll never have that, as well as how I am viewed as a 43 year old single man without kids.
You are giving up at only 43? Are you nuts or just feeling sorry for yourself? You have all kinds of opportunities to find someone and still have children. Women are having children later in life now because they have good jobs and don't want to give them up.
If you were 43 and had never been married then I might wonder, but you're divorced like most people are. Lots of single and divorced women in your age group out there looking for husbands. You just have to make the effort. ALL those people at that swim meet were NOT married.....you just didn't take the time to ask and seek them out.
As for being happy and/or content.... people....that is entirely up to you!
It has nothing to do with having kids or a family or anything else. It's how YOU view yourself and what you make of your life. You CAN be happy and/or content by yourself.
I didn't have kids. Best decision, or at least one of the best, I ever made. No regrets.
After seeing my friends and how their kids act and treat them as parents...I am SO happy they aren't mine. Their kids are adults now with kids of their own and treat their Moms horribly. I certainly don't want or need that in my life.
You are giving up at only 43? Are you nuts or just feeling sorry for yourself? You have all kinds of opportunities to find someone and still have children. Women are having children later in life now because they have good jobs and don't want to give them up.
If you were 43 and had never been married then I might wonder, but you're divorced like most people are. Lots of single and divorced women in your age group out there looking for husbands. You just have to make the effort. ALL those people at that swim meet were NOT married.....you just didn't take the time to ask and seek them out.
As for being happy and/or content.... people....that is entirely up to you!
It has nothing to do with having kids or a family or anything else. It's how YOU view yourself and what you make of your life. You CAN be happy and/or content by yourself.
I didn't have kids. Best decision, or at least one of the best, I ever made. No regrets.
After seeing my friends and how their kids act and treat them as parents...I am SO happy they aren't mine. Their kids are adults now with kids of their own and treat their Moms horribly. I certainly don't want or need that in my life.
I am older than 43 (wanna trade?)
While I agree with most of what you posted, and am happy that you made the best life decision for you, I do want to point out that not all parents have uncaring children.
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