Girl 16, overly affectionate with Dad? (member, wedding, adults, mother)

[NY Annie]

Originally Posted by Blazah1080

What if the child enjoys it and it makes her feel loved, while at the same time it never involves sexual touching, etc. Is everyone cast from the exact same mold?

No, not everyone is cast from the same mold; however, there are ways to show love that are not inappropriate. At age 16, sitting on Daddy's lap is inappropriate. The problem becomes then, if she doesn't learn boundaries from her father, then other boundaries in her life will develop along the same lines - blurred. So where is the line for inappropriate touching between two co-workers? Boundary setting by a parent teaches a child to make judgments about where to draw those lines as an adult. Part of a parent's job is providing their child with the appropriate tools to function well in society. Children who have had those tools/skills modeled for them use the teen years to learn how to use their own judgment. They make mistakes, and parents correct them. In this particular instance, the child has not been provided with the tools to make "societally acceptable judgments" about proper behavior and her father is not enforcing those "rules" by which most in society behave.

Time spent doing things together is an appropriate way to show love to a child - a hug. Hugging, snuggling, and cuddling excessively/publicly are not acceptable in our society between a 16 year old female and her father.

[Blazah1080]

Originally Posted by NY Annie

No, not everyone is cast from the same mold; however, there are ways to show love that are not inappropriate. At age 16, sitting on Daddy's lap is inappropriate. The problem becomes then, if she doesn't learn boundaries from her father, then other boundaries in her life will develop along the same lines - blurred. So where is the line for inappropriate touching between two co-workers? Boundary setting by a parent teaches a child to make judgments about where to draw those lines as an adult. Part of a parent's job is providing their child with the appropriate tools to function well in society. Children who have had those tools/skills modeled for them use the teen years to learn how to use their own judgment. They make mistakes, and parents correct them. In this particular instance, the child has not been provided with the tools to make "societally acceptable judgments" about proper behavior and her father is not enforcing those "rules" by which most in society behave.

Time spent doing things together is an appropriate way to show love to a child - a hug. Hugging, snuggling, and cuddling excessively/publicly are not acceptable in our society between a 16 year old female and her father.

So it's ok in private?

[Liberty2011]

Originally Posted by sarahdeanne

So wait, Your best friend is a female and she is married to the Dad of the 16 year old? How long have they been married? This could easily be a jealousy issue. I think the Dad needs to create some boundaries but the girl also needs to know where she stands with him and that she is not competing with his wife!

I was thinking of jealousy as well.

My ex-husband's daughter was like this, not openly affectionate, but there were subtle ways that she vied for his attention where it felt like she was in competition with me for his affections. I never knew if it was conscious or subconscious on her part, probably a blend of both.

I also knew of two instances where the mother was deceased, the daughter developed a "female head of household" role and made the stepmom's life a living hell because it was dad and daughter against the world and stepmom was some horrible interloper.

IMO, if dad doesn't set boundaries, the dynamic won't change and may very well lead to marital strife if not corrected, especially at this age. As others have said, young girls like this need to develop healthy boundaries with their fathers so they can have successful relationships in the future, and not be stunted by "daddy issues".

[round4]

Originally Posted by bumpus7

.
Your blind ... that DAD likes it or he would stop it ! ! !

Do I need to tell you more ?????????????????
.

How am I blind? I'm the one started the freakin thread...better to be blind than dumb.

[Blazah1080]

Originally Posted by round4

How am I blind? I'm the one started the freakin thread...better to be blind than dumb.

so what's the latest in this story?

I've been trying to put myself in the shoes of a single dad who raised a daughter that I loved with all my heart. And then because she still wants to hold my hand and sit in my lap at 16, people accuse me of being inappropriate with my daughter.

I would dump the whole group as friends to be honest. I think a TON of you are stuck in the "what is proper for me is proper for the world" mode. Just because a woman thinks it's gross and shouldn't be done makes it right. According to the OP no one has witnessed anything more than a sitting on a lap and holding hands.

Guess what, it is possible for a male, to have a female, sit on his lap, of any age, and not have sexual thoughts about her...

I hear, that when a daughter decides she's too old to stop kissing her dad on the lips, it's heartbreaking for the dad. I wouldn't know yet, not a father, just things I've read over in the parenting forum/blogs.

[Debsi]

Originally Posted by Blazah1080

I hear, that when a daughter decides she's too old to stop kissing her dad on the lips, it's heartbreaking for the dad. I wouldn't know yet, not a father, just things I've read over in the parenting forum/blogs.

My family never did this.. so for me, lip kisses are never platonic. Occasionally a male friend will try to peck my lips and it makes me very uncomfortable as a nice old married lady.

[Blazah1080]

Originally Posted by Debsi

My family never did this.. so for me, lip kisses are never platonic. Occasionally a male friend will try to peck my lips and it makes me very uncomfortable as a nice old married lady.

so does that make it wrong? I've seen very affectionate dads... to the point that I know many in here would think it was weird.. but so far they haven't been accused of anything and their kids are growing up normally.

[Debsi]

Originally Posted by Blazah1080

so does that make it wrong? I've seen very affectionate dads... to the point that I know many in here would think it was weird.. but so far they haven't been accused of anything and their kids are growing up normally.

No, I don't consider it "wrong," or express my personal ick-factor with other people when I see them do it. It's just wrong when I'm involved.

As far as THIS 16 year old girl and Dad, what I've read from the OP makes me think the line has been crossed.

[Blazah1080]

Originally Posted by Debsi

No, I don't consider it "wrong," or express my personal ick-factor with other people when I see them do it. It's just wrong when I'm involved.

As far as THIS 16 year old girl and Dad, what I've read from the OP makes me think the line has been crossed.

I read the whole thread. All I saw were some really uptight people blow a gasket

Again I don't have kids, but.. if for some reason SHE is sitting in his lap and she is grabbing his hand, I don't see a problem with it. Especially if it makes her happy and feel loved. If anything he's showing her what should be expected in a long lasting loving relationship, closeness without the sexual undertones. How I wish all men would treat women.

Now, if the dad was pulling the daughter into his lap, making her sit there with a frown on her face... grabbing her hand when she clearly didnt want it. That'd be different. But the op said the daughter is initiating it.

[germaine2626]

Is there a possibility that the girl has special needs and doesn't realize that what she is doing is (normally considered) inappropriate? Or perhaps she is simply immature?


I have been around loving, "cuddly", "touchy-feelly" type families and it seems pretty unusual even for them. A 11 year old or 12 year old sitting on Dad's lap maybe but a 16 year old?

A 16 year old is probably a Junior in High School. Think back to when you were a Junior in High School, how many of your female friends still sat on their Dad's lap, while holding his hand and "batting their eyes" at him?