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Anything I say not may not be 'right out there' is in an effort not to have my hand slapped or the post deleted.
Really good point. Respond to the comment and not the person who posted it.
A couple of years ago, a member here made a snide remark to one of my comments by saying that I must be from Mars and then went on to refute what I had posted. Now, that was a personal attack but I didn't report it because I wanted his childish remark to remain for all the world to see. I simply commented back that if he couldn't communicate in an adult manner, I would avoid future interaction with him. So far, it's worked out just fine.
My apologies. I thought you were talking about passive-aggressive behavior. If you're talking about people who "deliberately become unavailable," that's usually because they don't want to have anything to do with the other person and little or nothing to do with being passive-aggressive.
Totally disagree, but I am not making the definition up - the specific descriptions are in the link.
Totally disagree, but I am not making the definition up - the specific descriptions are in the link.
Really interesting information in the link you provided. I had never heard of a "double bind" before but I can see how that would cause a lot of frustration to someone dealing with it. Thanks for providing the link. It clears up my confusion about the subject of the thread. I was under the impression it was PA you were referring to but I can see it was something different altogether. I hope that whoever has this problem won't be of too much aggravation to you.
I just got triggered by THREE passive-aggressive people . . .I detest this form of control . . .One person shuts you down when the conversation turns to something they "don't want to deal with" and then does not respond to calls or messages, another uses you when convenient and then when you contact them, no response, the third says one thing but then changes it and then blames you for not understanding the new rules - and only responds to texts or emails when it benefits them.
This is the most irritating behavior in the world.
I want all of the passive-aggressive a-holes to explain what they are thinking - do they like having horrible relationships? Do they need power so badly they will stop at nothing?
I am furious at the moment because I always try to be a person of good will and I got tricked again into thinking the other people were going to play fair and they won't.
And, yes, they have "won," because I am upset - they have one-upped me - it's all about power and not about getting along or really understanding each other.
I HATE you passive-aggressive people!
That is very aggressive on your part- now try to pacify yourself for a moment and listen- You are not talking about passive aggressive her- anyway that is just a made up term...everyone is passive and aggressive when need be...what is bothering you is that there is little HONOR in the world- and honesty...you actually just hate little squirmy weasels that call themselves people- get into a circle that has class- some honor...You might be living among the pigs and liars- get out of there- you don't belong.
I don't know how skilled I am - my biggest deterrent to these types is avoidance. Stay away from problem people...
But yes, you SHOULD be able to talk out issues and learn from each other and so on...but you're right, they're one-sided all the way. This "friend" I have? She even tells me how passive she is (never to mention the agressive part ) and chuckles about it so I KNOW she's messing with me most of the time. Holy cripes, that's irritating.
BUT...I think I must be annoying, too, because I refuse to give in. I know what she's angling at most of the time and she dances all the way around it and never says it. So I don't give in...if she wants small talk, I give her small talk. If she doesn't ask how I'm doing, I don't ask how she's doing. This is not my normal style...I'm almost always wondering how my friends are and how they're feeling, but when she dumps on me about all her problems, doesn't ask me one question about my life and then dances around why she's really calling? Well, you get what you get...it definitely is complicated by other dynamics.
Limit your time with these people - OR - try out some techniques on them. It couldn't hurt and learning to deal with disappointment in these cases might be useful for you...
This is so funy to me cause I do that on a daily basis with my PA Spouse.
I know what she wants but she is too proud to humble herself to say it for whatever reason. I don't give the treat unless you speak. Then you get the treat. LOL!!
The other part is when you call them out and the response is, "How am I being like that?" EWWW I hate that phrase so I throw it right back.... "How are you being like what?" LOL!
Me: "I am gunna meet up with a friend to shoot pool tonight."
Her: "You gunna leave me all alone?"
Me: "Yep. See ya."
You're too much...hilarious.
My stepmom used to teach management classes for major corporations back in the 70's & 80's. You know, how to deal with all types of personalities when you're the manager and how best to resolve issues. The one thing I remember best is "Indirect Iris".
I don't know if passive-agressiveness is part of this whole "being indirect" business but I really think it is. It would be like me wanting something, but worming around and rooting out a desired response without being direct. To me, this is PA...
I want you to stop talking: I stare at you until you leave.
I want you to answer my question but don't want to ask it: I ask seemingly unrelated questions.
I want you to behave to my expectations: I will lay on the guilt until you submit.
THEN...as a recipient of this indirect Iris:
If you stare at me expecting me to leave, I will plant my feet and stare back.
If you don't ask me direct questions, I will answer only the indirect ones.
If you have expectations of me and won't allow for any compromise, I will stand strong and not budge.
I think in both cases, for BOTH parties, PA is employed. It's really annoying, isn't it? I don't like playing games and if I feel I can express myself in a way that person will understand, I will be direct. If I feel they wouldn't get it, then I have to limit my contact with these kinds of folk!
I just got triggered by THREE passive-aggressive people . . .I detest this form of control . . .One person shuts you down when the conversation turns to something they "don't want to deal with" and then does not respond to calls or messages, another uses you when convenient and then when you contact them, no response, the third says one thing but then changes it and then blames you for not understanding the new rules - and only responds to texts or emails when it benefits them.
This is the most irritating behavior in the world.
I want all of the passive-aggressive a-holes to explain what they are thinking - do they like having horrible relationships? Do they need power so badly they will stop at nothing?
I am furious at the moment because I always try to be a person of good will and I got tricked again into thinking the other people were going to play fair and they won't.
And, yes, they have "won," because I am upset - they have one-upped me - it's all about power and not about getting along or really understanding each other.
I HATE you passive-aggressive people!
Why don't you tell these people to their face? It seems passive aggressive to vent about your friends behavior to a random group of people.
Everyone is a mixture of direct, passive, or passive-aggressive, depending on the situation.
Last week, I was being passive-aggressive and I thought to myself "I'm being passive-aggressive and this ain't my style." But I had no venue for being direct. I was in Europe on a toll road. Speed limit is 120 kmh (~ 74 mph). I was ok with that and traveled along in the fast lane in a rented econobox. I was then pushed to go 140 kmh (~ 86 mph) because I was in the fast lane (only one other lane for trucks, beaters, mergers). They come within 1 car of you and keep flashing. I couldn't tell the pr!cks in the over-sized Mercedes or BMWs to "eff off," being in a car, so I kept the 140 kmh, and even inched down to 120 kmh, ultimately forcing several of these folks to go around. Culturally, I think you're supposed to move to the right. I felt 86 mph was more than sufficient and I wasn't going to move over. They mouthed off to me through the glass as they passed and I gave them the European version of "the finger."
I want you to answer my question but don't want to ask it: I ask seemingly unrelated questions.
I want you to behave to my expectations: I will lay on the guilt until you submit.
You HAVE met my DIL!
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) and chuckles about it so I KNOW she's messing with me most of the time. Holy cripes, that's irritating.
