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Last night my hubby and I went to a dinner party. Besides us and the host and hostess (who are our friends), there were 2 other couples we had never met before and didn't know anything about. We were all sitting around talking, when the 2 men we had never met before started telling racist jokes. I was so stunned that I didn't know what to do. I ended up pretending to busy myself refilling my drink and helping with dinner. The hostess could tell I was upset. She gave me a look while I was helping her and we were overhearing these racist remarks. I said: "This is not cool". She didn't say anything and left the room. DH and I ended up leaving not long after, but now I feel guilty that I didn't speak up. How should I have handled this situation, considering I didn't know these people at all? Thanks for any input.
You handled it the way you should have. What would you have accomplished by speaking up? THAT would have been incredibly rude to the hosts. They are the ones that should have spoken up.
I disagree that it would be rude to speak up. At the same time I don't think it's wrong to take a pass on fighting any and every culture war that arises. Sometimes you just want to have a pleasant evening without drama. Don't feel bad about it. What they think is their responsibility.
I would have absolutely called them on their jokes. You can do it politely "Excuse me, but the kinds of jokes you're telling make me extraordinarily uncomfortable." Or you can be as impolite as you like. You start spewing crap like that and pretty much anything is fair game as far as I'm concerned.
I would have said, "Those people that you are talking about are my grandchildren". You are an ignorant racist piece of trash and I will not sit at the same table breaking bread with the likes of you, Good night".
What's with this, "Well I can't say anything because it would be RUDE"???????
What a freakin gutless thing to say. RUDE my azz.
I would have said, "Those people that you are talking about are my grandchildren". You are an ignorant racist piece of trash and I will not sit at the same table breaking bread with the likes of you, Good night".
What's with this, "Well I can't say anything because it would be RUDE"???????
What a freakin gutless thing to say. RUDE my azz.
No one cares about your azz. Yes, it would be rude to start a fight at your friends' home. Leaving was enough. Under the circumstances, it was the responsibility of the hosts to address it. If it was somewhere else... say, a restaurant... hell... go ahead.
I would have absolutely called them on their jokes. You can do it politely "Excuse me, but the kinds of jokes you're telling make me extraordinarily uncomfortable." Or you can be as impolite as you like. You start spewing crap like that and pretty much anything is fair game as far as I'm concerned.
And I'm sure you'd appreciate your party guests doing that in your home.
Thanks for the responses. I appreciate it! It was just so shocking to me. It was extremely awkward. Glad it's over, and I will certainly avoid going to dinner at that house.
yes I agree you did the right thing and thanks now they know they made you feel uncomfortable and they most likely wont be asked back by the host and hostess . The host and hostess should have spoken up and said something like hey let us table that kind of jokes for later or something to that effect . Im glad you left . Has the host or hostess called to ask if you enjoyed yourself and if they do I would tell them , well I was until those jokes started and leave it at that . People have just lost all sense of decorum and dignity these days .
We don't have to react to everything we hear or see, for that matter.
If other people are making asses of themselves (no matter where it is) . . . it is my policy to allow them plenty of space to do it in.
I am always amazed at how someone else's conversation can be overly personalized by listeners. If you disagree or are even insulted . . . so what? You didn't choose to be in the presence of these folks and if you have the opportunity to be with them in the future, then you can simply turn down the invite. But no reason to go parental on everyone and take some kind of "big stand" on what you consider to be vulgar and inappropriate. It is not your duty to "set people straight."
If folks are talking about anything that makes you THAT uncomfortable, you can always dismiss yourself from the table, develop a sudden headache, leave and go home.
You should just brush it off and bring up another topic for conversation, if you are ever in the situation again in the future. . . it wasn't even necessary to say something to the hostess, as she was doubtless in an awkward position herself . . . these are adults you are talking about . . . everyone has the right to be a dumbass and no good hostess would want to start a big drama b/c guests were being uncouth.
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