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Tell her you have no desire to be the next Norman Bates.
Haha. Seriously, I wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks. You moved out because you wanted to, and that is good enough. Enjoy yourself, and don't listen to your mother. She is being selfish, and she knows it. I am sure she will miss you, but like you said yourself, it is time for you to be on your own.
I wonder if your mother has ever lived alone in her life. She's probably feeling incredibly lonely and rejected right now. And yes, she is being selfish. She doesn't understand your reasons because the reasons could equally apply to her and don't i.e. she doesn't feel the need for independence, privacy for herself so doesn't understand why you say you do. I'm not sure you will ever get her to truly understand.
I suggest not going on the defensive when she tries to guilt trip you and don't repeat the reasons. Perhaps just say "I know you don't understand and I'm sorry if my decision has hurt your feelings but this was something I felt I just had to do."
As the late, great Ann Landers used to say, "People can only make you feel guilty if you let them." You've done nothing wrong; she has not been "abandoned." It's not unusual that the older people get the less willing they are to deal with change. Also, it's not unusual for older people to have a lot of irrational fears. (In fact, that seems to be an epidemic among Americans who watch too much TV.)
Enjoy your freedom. Best of luck to you and tell Mom not to watch Criminal Minds.
Your situation reminds me exactly of these two famous movies. I think it would do you good to watch them now at your convenience, by clicking on the button on the IMDB weblink of each movie.
I can really feel for you, and am happy for your new freedom. I was an "only son" who lived dutifully with my parents for (most of) 40 years in a small house in a rather undesirable neighborhood of a large metro area which underwent great racial/ ethnic changes. Although I joined many singles groups off and on, it always seemed hard to get dates or to relate to other single people who were more confident and independent. I was also wary that my mother might "judge" or critique any new experience I tried, or any girlfriend I found. Starting in my 20s, my parents had many health problems and got very dependent on me. At age 40, I finally institutionalized both my parents, and married a lady who had similarly lived with her mother for 36 years near our neighborhood. We have now been married 21 years, have 2 children, and a comfortable debt-free life.
Last edited by slowlane3; 01-06-2013 at 05:25 PM..
I lived at home w/my mom until I was 47 years old.
Could never afford to live on my own for various reasons (low income, many animals to care for, etc) but finally found an affordable apartment & am only 10 mins away from my mom's house..
Problem is she is constantly laying the " guilt trip" on me saying "you've lived at home all these years and now that I'm not in the best of health decide to move out & leave your mother all alone"...
Or she"ll say all the money you've paid in rent you could have lived w/me & I would gave saved it for you so you could have paid off your car, bills, etc, instead your landlord gets all that money & he doesn't need it since he's got more money then he knows what to do with"..
When I tell her "mom, it's not normal" for a grown woman whose 50 years old to live at home w/her mother"..
""You ask anyone & they will tell you the same thing"..
Know what she says to that?
"I don't care about what other people think".
When I tell her it's also about not having "privacy" to have friends come over to entertain, etc...
But she just shrugs & says.. "that's ridiculous, you know you can have your friends over"...
Ugh!!!
She doesn't get it..
You can't expect her to "get it" when you have lived with her 47 years! She's got to be close to her 70's if not more. I am not saying I think you should still live there (because you should have been out long before 47), but I understand her saying what she is saying. Now that she is in advanced age she feels abandoned and worried about her health. You don't live far from her, so that should be some comfort to her. Maybe it would be good for her to have one of those "Life Call" devices, where if she was having any kind of emergency she just presses the button on the necklace she is wearing. Were you an only child? Does she have any other grown children that can help her out now and then?
I agree that your mom is just having a hard time adjusting to your absence and is probably feeling lonely. I would encourage her to find other outlets, maybe participate at a local senior center to play cards or socialize with others her age? It is going to take time for her to adjust to you not being there after all this time with you there.
Some mothers will react this way regardless of if you move out at 18 or 50. I moved out at 17. My mother is horrible to live with and in many ways suffering from some mental health issues and I could not stand it anymore, but she has "guilted" me (or tried to) for "leaving her" for 24 years now! When I married she constantly said things like "Well you don't need ME anymore I guess.." She tried for years to get me to move home. I told her that all the land in Texas wasn't enough space for the two of us to live together in any sort of civil manner. It's true. We cannot get along in the same space, we last about three days before it goes to hell.
I don't get it. I am a parent and I want my kids to be independent and happily have their own lives separate from mine. My eldest is 20 and lives at home but will be moving out soon. I am going to miss him terribly but I am not about to lay on the guilt to keep him here. I don't understand parents who want their kids to miss out on many of the major factors of adulthood in that manner.
I imagine your mom will stop once she realizes her comments are futile and this change is permanent.
I feel for your mom Yes she always had you now you gone , Try to help her see friend get invoiled as much as she can with other people,maybe a easier to care for pet, But remember some day you may be in her place all alone ! Take it slow and be easier for her and your self Aslife goes don burn bridges who know some day ou may have to go back for any many reason, for now enjoy and share your freedrom with her.
I lived at home w/my mom until I was 47 years old.
Could never afford to live on my own for various reasons (low income, many animals to care for, etc) but finally found an affordable apartment & am only 10 mins away from my mom's house..
Problem is she is constantly laying the " guilt trip" on me saying "you've lived at home all these years and now that I'm not in the best of health decide to move out & leave your mother all alone"...
Or she"ll say all the money you've paid in rent you could have lived w/me & I would gave saved it for you so you could have paid off your car, bills, etc, instead your landlord gets all that money & he doesn't need it since he's got more money then he knows what to do with"..
..
Welcome to my hell!
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It's true. We cannot get along in the same space, we last about three days before it goes to hell. 
