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Woah, & I thought I was old when I finally moved out! I'm in the same boat as you, except both of my parents are still married & I finally moved out when I was 37, which was just this past June.
My parents are much older than the parents of most people my age, so already right there, they have this old-fashioned way of thinking...mainly that I'd move out on my own when I get married. Well, I'm still not married yet. I did things late in life too. I finally got my dream job in 2011 to where I can actually afford an apt in my high cost of living area, so it's not like I was dying to get out all long & they were forbidding it. The fact is, I coulnd't have afforded to move out any earlier than what I did. I guess if I had a good enough permanent job several years ago, there wouldn't have been much they could do to stand in my way of moving out. (I had a good job in 2006, but that only lasted a year, so it's a good thing I didn't move out right away then!)
I'm an only child. On top of my parents being overprotective, they didn't seem to see why I needed my own place so badly when I was in my 20s. They'd say things like: You have the freedom to come & go when you want here (which was pretty true), why waste money paying rent, etc. If it was up to my dad, I'd live at home with them FOREVER & I mean that literally.
But, after having my job for almost a year & it seemed pretty stable, I finally was ready. My mom actually didn't put up any fuss. She said that I deserve it & I need my own privacy. We didn't tell my dad until a month before my moving date...no use telling him any earlier. My dad was blindsided by the news, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. I only live 15 min from them.
Although I live in an apt & not my own house, I'm LOVING living alone!!!
Congrats on your freedom, as for your mom, tell her you love her but you will live your life and if she cannot respect your right as an adult then you will have to move even further away from her and restrict the relationship to a certain degree.
From the way you have worded the post I am making the assumption that your mom now lives alone. I believe I understand why she is upset.
You mom is an older woman now and had formed the habit of living with someone else. Most older women like the companionship (they just want someone to talk to most of the time).
I'm no doctor but this is what I might do...Since you live only 10 minutes from her make a schedule to have dinner with her as your schedule allows. She will enjoy the companionship and maybe not make you feel as guilty all the time. Maybe get her a pet too if it wouldn't cause issues.
If she still lays the guilt on after that you need to sincerly asks why it is such a big deal and find where she is coming from. Then do what you need to do.
Put yourself in her shoes..If you have lived with someone for as long as you can rememeber do you think that you could automatically adjust when those people/person leave?
The least you can do is make this transition as smooth as possible for her.
Rent is stupid. Save your money and manage your finances right, rent free for x ammount of years...bills too. In otherwords you keep every single cent of your takehome pay.
If your parents will actually NOT kick you out the house by 21 by all means leech. Save and invest cycle and repeat. When you meet that special someone no problem paying for the house, loans, kids, you know when the big bills start.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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While you have the right to move out, I think it's sweet if people live with their parents/mother until old age - if they want to, that is, and you've explained your reasons. I think she thinks that since you're what, around 50 now, you feel less of a need to make it out on your own, but explain to her that you just want that chance for a bit, and well you're not far. I'm sure you can visit often. Maybe she's also trying to be practical as well.
Haha. Seriously, I wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks. You moved out because you wanted to, and that is good enough. Enjoy yourself, and don't listen to your mother. She is being selfish, and she knows it. I am sure she will miss you, but like you said yourself, it is time for you to be on your own.
I don't think her mom is, or has been selfish at all. Her daughter lived with her for 47 years...did she ask for rent?..did she not provide for her child?...now she's getting older, and when she needs her the most, her daughter decides to pay rent to someone else (because it's affordable)...
I don't think her mom is, or has been selfish at all. Her daughter lived with her for 47 years...did she ask for rent?..did she not provide for her child?...now she's getting older, and when she needs her the most, her daughter decides to pay rent to someone else (because it's affordable)...
Don't you think the daughter has a right to a life on her own? Her daughter is not a child and hasn't been one for quite a while. Not wanting your child to find their own way is selfish. You have children to help them find their way, not so that you can have a permanent companion.
That's true Georgianbelle, though I wouldn't call a 47 year old a child...Do you think it's wrong to think that her mother may now need HER help?
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