How to deal with abusive neighbors (husband, person, brother, sister)
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Okay, so maybe this doesn't belong in the relationship forums but its still on the topic of dealing and/or relating to people in some manner.
I have this neighbor who we've never got along with for some time. Neither him or his family. So his sister and her husband moved out, living him the apartment. The guy lives below us, and us above him. In the apartment currently is my mother, sister and two kid brothers. This guy has complained that my brothers make a lot of noise, which I do agree they do. My mother however, doesn't really discipline them enough and my mother herself makes all sorts of noises at odd hours during the night. I've been fair and understood his complaints since it certainly bothers me and my sister.
Lately though, he's been taking passive aggressive actions. Since he sleeps right below my brothers and its where they make the most noise, he decided it'll be funny if he threw an egg at their window. The first time he did it, we weren't sure so we let it pass. The very next day, he does the same thing. We tried complaining to the landlord, but there's nothing we can do, even though there was evidence, the landlord took no action. I'm not always home but my mother and sister told me they've been cases where they contest with each other in banging on the floor because he bangs upstairs to try and silence them. Or he'll throw ice or other objects at the window.
I've bumped into this guy and he hasn't done or said a damn thing to me in person and in return, to avoid any drama (since this is honestly, the LAST thing I need right now) I don't confront him. Yesterday, was the last straw however. Because he comes to my door, and puts two condoms on it. One on the door knob, another on the edge of the door. Since I didn't know who it was at first but highly suspected it was him, I put the condoms back on his door knob. Wake up this morning to get some groceries, and the condoms are back on my door. So I know 1000% its him.
Right now, I'm fuming and I am so angry I can't even formulate coherent sentences because I honestly don't want to even talk to this guy. I feel there's nothing for me to say and I honestly can't see how I am going to talk to him because I'm just going to get physical. For one, putting on condom on my door I feel is straight up disrespecting my mother, sister and brothers and my little girl cousin who's staying over night. Two, it just makes us look bad and disgusting, even though people are smart enough to know that's not us. The thing is, I KNOW for a fact if I bang on this guys door, get physical, then I'm getting into trouble, THEN the cops will come, then everything is going to just get worse for my family and I.
I have many other things in life I'm stressing over right now, and this guy is the LAST person I need to be a thorn on my side. I don't want to make the situation worse for my family or myself since the guy lives directly below us.
This guy better pray I don't see him because I PROMISE everyone here on CD that I will be in jail by the end of the day. So, I know the internet is probably he last place I should look or advice but with how infuriated I am, and the fact that my mother is hyping me up more to do something, and the fact I FEEL something must be done; I feel I'm going to make the wrong move. The cops won't do anything, the landlord won't do anything, so now I have no choice but to beat the **** out of this P.O.S.
I'd be ticked too with the amount of noise you admit you make.
It takes two to be good neighbors; neither of you (including your family) are mature enough to live unsupervised.
I'd be ticked too with the amount of noise you admit you make.
It takes two to be good neighbors; neither of you (including your family) are mature enough to live unsupervised.
Oh please. First off, like I said, I'm hardly ever home. My brothers are young boys who are going to make noise naturally. We don't make the most noise, and when I'm home I make the LEAST amount of noise. Either way, we don't make an unruly amount of noise. We don't play music loudly late into the day, we never have parties around the clock like some of these other unruly neighbors. Regardless, this guy is an ADULT and shouldn't be throwing eggs, ice and other objects at windows and leaving condoms on the door. In my opinion, you're asking for a beat down.
I've spoken with the man and did what a GOOD neighbor does and listened to his cries, negotiated with him and was always respectful, understanding and kind. Now, he's taking that kindness for weakness and is going overboard with it.
In the apartment currently is my mother, sister and two kid brothers. This guy has complained that my brothers make a lot of noise, which I do agree they do. My mother however, doesn't really discipline them enough and my mother herself makes all sorts of noises at odd hours during the night. I've been fair and understood his complaints since it certainly bothers me and my sister.
I guess you didn't write this.
So all you want is for people to say oh, poor you.
Got it.
I guess you didn't write this.
So all you want is for people to say oh, poor you.
Got it.
I'm not trying to get anyone's sympathy and I know very well I wrote that. What I am saying is this: Would YOU allow someone to harass your family? Would YOU like it if you had kids and someone jackass is leaving condoms on your DOOR knob? As an ADULT, would YOU do something childish like that?
If you say no or if you yes to putting condoms on a door knob and other shenanigans you're full of crap.
Put a camera in the window so he knows he's being watched. It shouldn't happen again, but if it does, you have proof.
In the meantime, it's your mother's responsibility to teach your two kid brothers to be aware of the world around them, and therefore keep it down. But you could help, too, when you're home.
Disregard the advice about the restraining order. They are next to impossible to get in a court of law unless you have documented physical abuse. Courts don't cavalierly issue restraining orders against neighbors unless there is EGREGIOUS actions, like filmed physical abuse.
Put a camera in the window so he knows he's being watched. It shouldn't happen again, but if it does, you have proof.
In the meantime, it's your mother's responsibility to teach your two kid brothers to be aware of the world around them, and therefore keep it down. But you could help, too, when you're home.
Yeah, I definitely do my best and when I'm home and I usually have the noise lowered significantly. Though I have said they can be a little obstreperous, I definitely don't mean they are unruly. Once its past a certain time (around 9PM) the volume of the noise comes down a good amount.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61
Disregard the advice about the restraining order. They are next to impossible to get in a court of law unless you have documented physical abuse. Courts don't cavalierly issue restraining orders against neighbors unless there is EGREGIOUS actions, like filmed physical abuse.
Yeah, I'm going to have to set something up, some how. Its sort of hard for me to do that since its in an apartment building but when there's a will there's a way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012
get a cheapo camera and record him doing this crap. Write down each and every incident in a log. Take it to police or ask for restraining order.
You know, if you get it on film, you can always talk to the landlord about the behavior, as well. Granted, this may result in the jerkface calling the landlord every time one of your brothers sneezes, but I think putting condoms on doors is a bit much. That's harassment, and most landlords will send a warning letter to tenants who do things like that. Plus, that puts you on the offensive, so that any calls he makes after you look like retaliation.
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