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I suspect that others here have experienced this. Even though we had our rivalries while growing up, I used to be very close with my family members - siblings and cousins - when I was younger. But as I've gotten older, started a family of my own and become financially successful, one by one they have stopped keeping in touch with me. It's gotten to the point where I later find out that a family member was visiting close to my area and didn't even bother to let me know.
I am nearly certain that this is happening because of jealousy on their part, but what am I to do? Can I take any action to stop or reverse this?
I have a brother who I am not close to. PART of it is, he is successful, BUT there is a point to wearing your successes on your sleeve and rubbing other family member's noses in it. One year my daughter had an awful, awful, rash on her body. I insisted on bringing her to the doctor. My brother and his, highly, educated wife insisted it was from "red bugs" and told me I should put NAIL POLISH on her rash-my motherly instinct kickED in, something just ain't right in Denmark. As I am leaving the house, my sister in law states, "...you know what is, just go spend some money on a doctor's visit!!!" Well, #1. red bugs aren't in Rhode Island. #2. dear daughter had poison sumac!!!!!!JUST THINK IF I TOOK THEIR ADVICE! ANOTHER instance WAS WHEN, he walked into my mom's house, informed my mother, who had a cancer scare 6 months previous, the house was not, "...up to his standards..." Thank-God I was not there, all I gotta' say. From the "unsuccessful" sibling.
My point is, if you are successful, GREAT. Just don't behave in a condescending manner towards your relatives. Realize you put your pants on the same way, and don't assume you know everything due to your successes.
I suspect that others here have experienced this. Even though we had our rivalries while growing up, I used to be very close with my family members - siblings and cousins - when I was younger. But as I've gotten older, started a family of my own and become financially successful, one by one they have stopped keeping in touch with me. It's gotten to the point where I later find out that a family member was visiting close to my area and didn't even bother to let me know.
I am nearly certain that this is happening because of jealousy on their part, but what am I to do? Can I take any action to stop or reverse this?
BCD, one of the most painful realities I have had to face since moving back home is the severe jealousies and rivalries among our siblings. And the biggest culprits are not even the most ambitious. They have developed some kind of entitlement mentality that says our father had to "leave them in charge of everything to divide as they see fit" when he passed on. Now mind you, they let my struggle with manual labor on the ranch alone, when he was very advanced in years, and wouldn't lift a finger to help him, and the strain of continuing to work eventually caused his demise, they resented Dad to his dying day, but now by virtue of their being the eldest siblings they should be at the head of line, as in the Old Testament I suppose. Where was all this piety and religiosity all their lives before Dad's passing? Hmm. Let's see, these two were abusive, philandering husbands, vengeful and hostile siblings, and neglectful fathers...so why drag the Bible into their argument now? Because they thinks this justifies what they have done?
I have never "moved on" with my life away from my family members. I have always kept in contact with them to the end. This includes visiting them and inviting them to my home.
It is they who stopped contacting me. No explanation was ever given. It's possible, as you say, that it's not always jealousy but could simply be lack of interest. Whatever is the case, the message I'm getting as that there's nothing I can do about it. So be it.
Dreamer, sometimes family just lets you down. I am in the same boat.
Has your family relationship changed ~ for instance, it used to be THEM that had it all while you were the poorer relation? If so, they may have difficulty with this role reversal.
Were they in the role of 'top dog'? If so, they may never adjust. Some people just can't let you grow and change. IF you don't slip into the old family role . . . . they may write you off. Not in an intentional way - they just don't know how to be with you any more.
So be it. There is nothing you can do about it but live your own best life.
Were they in the role of 'top dog'? If so, they may never adjust. Some people just can't let you grow and change.
This. The "top dogs" in childhood unconsciously expect to retain that position, because they don't know anything else. If you want to maintain relationships with them, you have to, as the saying goes, "know your role," and it's not a role that allows for any growth. Distancing yourself can be the only healthy option.
This. The "top dogs" in childhood unconsciously expect to retain that position, because they don't know anything else. If you want to maintain relationships with them, you have to, as the saying goes, "know your role," and it's not a role that allows for any growth. Distancing yourself can be the only healthy option.
Yes! This describes what I was trying to say to a 'T".
Know your role. And when you get tired of that role - know that distance may be the only option.
Dreamer, sometimes family just lets you down. I am in the same boat.
Has your family relationship changed ~ for instance, it used to be THEM that had it all while you were the poorer relation? If so, they may have difficulty with this role reversal.
Were they in the role of 'top dog'? If so, they may never adjust. Some people just can't let you grow and change. IF you don't slip into the old family role . . . . they may write you off. Not in an intentional way - they just don't know how to be with you any more.
So be it. There is nothing you can do about it but live your own best life.
I'm the youngest among them. So yes, the roles have changed.
At one time, they were all earning much more than me because I was still in school/college and not making any money at all. This has obviously changed now.
I have not personally experienced this, but I have a family member A who stopped speaking to family member B for that very reason. I told B to let A be. It's not worthy of the attention. When someone cuts you off and you know you have done nothing wrong, don't to anything to stop or reverse it. It's not your mess to work on. Don't be the "bigger person", don't feed into the crazy. It's hurtful, sure. But it is a testament to their character. Consider it a blessing that they have removed themselves from your orbit.
That is almost Exactly what happened to me, my family member A and her half sister B, b never talked to a and did not want to get involved with a's life at all, idk why but now b is starting to open up to her through face book
I'm the youngest among them. So yes, the roles have changed.
At one time, they were all earning much more than me because I was still in school/college and not making any money at all. This has obviously changed now.
As an update, I recently found out that one of my family members who stopped contacting me has been going through some serious financial circumstances during the last few years. He's had a very difficult time securing steady employment and providing for his family. He never mentioned any of this to me though.
Does anyone here have a different perspective given this new information?
As well as causing anxiety and depression, unemployment, serious financial difficulty and possible inability to provide for his family at times must have been very hard on his pride and self-esteem. I can understand why he might distance himself from you. He didn't need the comparison. No one wants to feel like more of a failure than they already feel they are.
I don't call that jealousy - just common sense to do what one can not to feel more depressed about one's bad situation. He probably felt better off around those who could lift him up rather than bring him down emotionally.
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