Do you regret not having kids? Especially older ladies? (siblings, person, member)
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I have no regrets, because I worry that for some reason I would not get along with the kids who would leave home and 18 and never visit me in the old folks home. Now, if I could have guaranteed devoted children, I would of liked to have them. But, they are expensive. If you invest the same money in property or something safe, you may be better off. The world is over populated.
It appears that this thread has digressed into a child bashing thread.
I don't have a problem with kids, not really.... I do find that as I'm getting older, I don't even want to be around 20 somethings either........ LOL....
I am 35 and am not planning on having children. I don't feel I will regret it in the future but regardless would not have kids out of fear of future regrets. Obviously people have unplanned pregnancies and love their children but to me if a person is not sure then it is better to air on caution and not have a child.
For myself up till my early 20s I wanted kids but after a lot of life struggles and possible continued ones I feel I could not be the type of parent I would want to be. I have a very small family basically just my mom an uncle I have seen a few times and a 90 year old grandpa. I would never have kids so I would not be alone or so that I could have future care if I needed it and got older. Even if I had kids I would not want them to care for me because I would want them to have a normal life.
On the side note of being annoyed with kids. They say that it is different with your own kids. I don't know if this is true but it makes sense.
So glad to see so many replies from women like me. I'll be 39 soon, no regrets in the least. I see all my friends who are in their late 30's dealing with multiple kids and lazy husbands and I'm glad it's not me. Not generalizing the hubby's, just saying what is true in my circle according to the women, lol. I don't like with kids and basically put up with them. When they act out, I usually blame the parent for not handling it, so dare I say I don't like parents too much either.
As for all this genetics bit, my thought is this.....stop helping women conceive. No more IVF, no more fertility drugs. If they can't, too bad. Obviously there's a reason for it. The world is overpopulated as it is.
Lastly, for the OP.....being a fence sitter isn't easy. I have seen some of my die hard CF friends hop that fence. All I can say is, hopefully by the time you decide, if you do want them, you can still have them or are willing to adopt...even if that means from out of the country. And if you don't, hopefully you're not with a man that does. IMHO, maybe ask yourself why you want kids and why you don't. Usually you can get a feel for what is holding you back....right now.
On the side note of being annoyed with kids. They say that it is different with your own kids. I don't know if this is true but it makes sense.
If you've ever seen a parent struggling to deal with a child in the throes of an epic tantrum or meltdown, you know that's a lie. I'm convinced they perpetuate that myth because misery loves company.
Good for you for being so thoughtful with this very important decision. My sister had kids young and I was an impressionable 13 year old watching her every move. I learned that who you have kids with is very, very important (I know, obvious), but you are tied to that person for LIFE. Of course, I could have gone the route of being artificially inseminated or adopting and being a single parent, but I can only imagine how hard that would be.
I'm 41 now and don't regret it.
I'm 30 and no regret what so ever, my husband and I always thank one another every time we are out and see someones child being a pain in the butt and bothering everyone else around. In fact I just thanked my husband for getting clipped earlier today at Olive Garden when some kid was screaming it's head off and ruining everyone elses lunch. We always just smile at one another so glad we don't have to deal with such things. So far I see no draw backs only happiness to never have ruined our lives having kids, it's such a waste of life to waste it raising kids. My husband and I are free to do as we please. We can travel, try new things, shop, get up as early or late as we please, and it's really nice to not be bothered by kids.
You're, of course, correct with most of this, but why can't we be completely honest? You don't honestly believe it's about 50/50 anymore than I do. You go to malls, restaurants and see the same things I see - Multitudes of frazzled, angry parents. If you hooked mothers in the thirties up to polygraphs, you'd probably be lucky to get 30% who are happy with their decision. If we could just be honest about this stuff, maybe more would forego having kids. It's not a reflection of your character if you don't want to have kids. And think about how much better so many of our societal problems would be if the people who really don't want kids didn't have kids?
Imagine a world with no foster kids,nearly empty prisons, and very few murders.If happy people had happy children maybe mankind could respect and love each other more.
Absolutely not. And I regret it even less every day.
I don't begrudge anyone who truly wants children and has the time, patience, and the finances to care for them. But, to make an irrevocable decision to bring someone into this world (someone who didn't even ask to be here, at that) and then just let the chips fall as they may is IMO one of the most irresponsible things that someone can do. I am a realist. I am the product of divorced parents who probably should have never had children, and am still paying the price at the age of 39. No way would I ever put a child through that. And I won't.
I've never understood the people who have advised others to just have kids because "if you wait for the right time, it'll never be the right time to have children." We've seen legions of kids being told to go to college and to worry how to pay for it later, and see how that's working out? Just because someone feels free to spout their two cents doesn't mean that they have the definitive answer as to how to live one's life. I've made mistakes in life, but trusting in myself and maintaining my integrity has worked this far, so that's what I am going with. No one knows better how to live my life than I do.
For the people who assert that there is no greater joy than raising a child, I have to ask if you've experienced everything else possible in order to make that comparison. No? Well, neither have I. We all miss out on something. And parenthood is one of the things that I am willing to miss out on. There's no reason why that should bother people who are truly confident with their own life choices. And if they aren't, and need to browbeat the CF because of that? Not my problem.
And - I just have to say this - I have to laugh whenever anyone says "It's different when it's your own." As bad as it sounds, especially from a guy. I'm not a statistician, but I read that there's a significant percentage (up to 30%, I've read) of fathers raising kids who they believe to be theirs, but aren't. "Mama's baby; father's, maybe." So, I am curious, for the smug fathers specifically that say that there is no love like the love that you have for your own - what if? Does that love change if the DNA results don't come out as expected? No, really, please enlighten me.
This post is probably going to turn out longer than I thought, and I apologize. But I am a thinker, and I won't apologize for that.
Someone upthread mentioned that we need to breed because society needs taxpayers and cannon fodder and consumers. By the same token, I guess, society "needs" people who feel off-kilter and unbalanced so that we can feed the demand for psychiatrists, diet pills, plastic surgery, McMansions, luxury cars; we need sick people so that we can keep the pharmaceutical engine running, and so on. We need the Life Script so that we can keep the colleges and the bridal boutiques and Babies R Us in business! I have no desire to "do my part" to keep a sick society limping along.
Maybe you'll be that lucky parent that has the next Einstein, or the person that develops the cure for cancer. Hate to break it to you, but not likely. Because the need for breed will pressure the would-be Einstein or cancer-curer to produce the next generation, and then our societal ills carry on into perpetuity because "circle of life" and all. And, honestly, if you felt as though you possessed the capability to solve some of the world's most pressing problems, why not just do it yourself, you know, before the DNA gets diluted and all?
As for being "selfish" and "weak" if I reject the status quo - for ME, the least selfish thing that I can do is work my own path, to create my own safety net - to rely on myself, and not a husband, or a child-***-caregiver, or some ethereal being in the sky, or whatever, to see me through. Whatever I lack in strength and selflessness, I am sure I can make up in planning and accountabilty.
Anything else? My bingo marker is getting dried out.
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You are a very smart person and i agree with that
