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germaine has a good solution- include them in your visitation,,,,but not the sole destination
no matter what their quirk is,,, i wouldnt fret over it,,,could be one of a 100 different things,,,but its their quirk
all families are full of quirks..
i think its telling that they stay at a motel, but insist you dont-they may be just being polite-if you have the financial means,,,,stay at a motel,,
4 days is quite a long visit,,,
older folks that arent use to kids,,,get irritated easily,,,
We have the opposite problem. Son and d-i-l live 700 miles away. Next to last time we visited, we were placed in a motel and received this info as we were leaving our home. Which we had no problem with even though there is room in their home for us. Next time we were packed and ready to go visit and got a phone call. It wasn't a good time to visit!!! What the heck. So ok, no reason, just wasn't a good time. That was it for us, no more visits.
If you and your family want to visit just go. Make a reservation at a local motel/hotel and go. Let the relatives you want to visit know your plans and call the in-laws when you arrive. Or you could kindly ask your m-i-l if there is some reason why they don't want you and your family to visit them. Perhaps little children get on their nerves after a period of time, who knows, or they are drinking heavy, maybe fighting or one of them has some secret illness you would see.
Good luck!
Gosh there is no end to in-law visiting issues! I once spent a week cleaning up the house and organizing the office/guest room only to find out when the in-laws arrived that they had booked a hotel.
OP, I wish I had some advice. My in-laws are often hush hush about visiting plans, too. I find them very difficult to read and understand.
My inlaws live 6 hours away. They drive up to visit every 2-3 months (to see their 2 young grandchildren). We haven't been down to visit them in over 2 years. We were going to go in June, and she said no due to cataract surgery two weeks away. So we went to Maine. We were hoping to go the week after Xmas but again she said no...blaming the kids not wanting to be away from their toys. They want to come up here. But the two of them aren't the only family we want to see. I have no idea what the issue is. Do they want us in a hotel but don't know how to ask? Do they just like to get away? She's constantly talking about "the next time we go down" but then when we try to arrange it, she turns us down. Any ideas?
No idea what their hangup might be, but I agree with others here that you should just ask them, straight out. It might be better to ask in person, on their next visit...so they can see your face and body language, you can see theirs, and so they can't cut the conversation short.
You might want to tell them it's important to you that your other relatives see your kids more often, and vice versa. Say you'd be happy to stay in a hotel but that you don't want to offend them. That might get them to open up.
You know...it may just be that while they love the IDEA of houseguests, playing host to two adults and two young boys might just be too exhausting. That could explain why they want to give things like minor surgery a wide margin. I've found that as my mom has gotten older, she likes to space everything out. Just a last-minute thought.
What does you Husband say about this situation, after all, he grew up in that house and should have some opinion about what's going on. If it were my Parents I would simply say, "You don't seem to want us to visit, why is that ?" He can get away with asking that, but you are an In Law and under most circumstances won't have that same ability.
But sometimes spouses are just weak when it comes to their Parents and don't want to make waves. Perhaps you have that situation in your home ? My Ex was that way, I was always the one who had to deal with them and be the bad guy sometimes.
My inlaws live 6 hours away. They drive up to visit every 2-3 months (to see their 2 young grandchildren). We haven't been down to visit them in over 2 years. We were going to go in June, and she said no due to cataract surgery two weeks away. So we went to Maine. We were hoping to go the week after Xmas but again she said no...blaming the kids not wanting to be away from their toys. They want to come up here. But the two of them aren't the only family we want to see. I have no idea what the issue is. Do they want us in a hotel but don't know how to ask? Do they just like to get away? She's constantly talking about "the next time we go down" but then when we try to arrange it, she turns us down. Any ideas?
Are they finnicky about their house and things and so maybe having kids in their house makes them nervous?
Maybe you should just make plans and if a hotel would cost more than you want to pay, find a campground if your kids like camping, and make plans to do some fun things and invite them along.
One of my aunts even sold her house because she didn't want all the kids coming over on holidays and being stuck with entertaining and mess, she figured she and my uncle would be easier to put up than families with young kids, they kept a lake cottage that all could enjoy but headed south every winter.
Some grandparents love to have everyone over, others might be too stressed having a full house.
If you have other people you want to see in the area your in-laws live in, and you also might like to get away for awhile, I would tell the in-laws that you are coming and if they are not comfortable letting you stay with them you will stay elsewhere, but you ARE coming there.
Hmmm, maybe it is too much for them? They came up in August, in September we went to Disney together but stayed at different resorts, and they came up again last week. We barely saw them in Florida....I think the kids were an excuse for them to go but they really wanted their own vacation. And while here they often go off on their own. This time they went to brunch instead of our sons football game. I always get frustrated and think "why are you here?" but maybe they can only take so much kid time.
I've made reservations at a Marriott near my brother in law for Xmas. If my husband gets the time off, we will head down and stay there. If we can't travel, then they are welcome to come here.
It's hard having them. Even though they stay at a hotel, they are a lot of work. They want to be entertained and the meals...ugh! Maybe they feel the same about us.
Hmmm, maybe it is too much for them? They came up in August, in September we went to Disney together but stayed at different resorts, and they came up again last week. We barely saw them in Florida....I think the kids were an excuse for them to go but they really wanted their own vacation. And while here they often go off on their own. This time they went to brunch instead of our sons football game. I always get frustrated and think "why are you here?" but maybe they can only take so much kid time.
I've made reservations at a Marriott near my brother in law for Xmas. If my husband gets the time off, we will head down and stay there. If we can't travel, then they are welcome to come here.
It's hard having them. Even though they stay at a hotel, they are a lot of work. They want to be entertained and the meals...ugh! Maybe they feel the same about us.
Maybe. I think it is unfair that you have taken care of them while they visit you but won't do it for you AND you feel this way. If you didn't feel like it was a lot of work, then I wouldn't think this situation is unfair.
My mother-in-law used to feel this way about me. She would become upset because I did not spend countless hours in the kitchen cooking 3 course meals when she did it for us. She eventually learned that I will eat almost anything without complain and just starting making easier meals.
Yah, I made lunch. They sat down, ate, and left one small piece of pita for me. I had boxed Mac and cheese for lunch. But before I could eat, she asked for dessert. So she had lunch, dessert, and coffee before I had anything. That's about par for the course.
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I once spent a week cleaning up the house and organizing the office/guest room only to find out when the in-laws arrived that they had booked a hotel. 
If it were my Parents I would simply say, "You don't seem to want us to visit, why is that ?" He can get away with asking that, but you are an In Law and under most circumstances won't have that same ability.
