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I see this from 2 perspectives. Yes, my mom gets nuts at the holidays. She and her siblings used to take turns hosting holidays and we could have as many as 40 people. That is a lot of stress. We ate on the good china and had a kids table in the kitchen. Sometimes both sides of the family would come, and the conservative Christian non-drinkers would converge with the beer drinking red necks. That alone was stressful.
Now that I'm a mom and have hosted a few holidays, I can see why she got so nuts. Moms feel pressure to make the holidays special for their kids and guests. No matter how simple you try to keep it, it can still be a lot of work.
My mom has been dead for 23 years. She never made it to 60 - cancer.
I would take a bit of insanity a couple of times a year.
I agree. I lost my Mom in 2006 and miss her every single day. Holidays are the toughest and her birthday is Thanksgiving weekend. We both loved the holidays, baking and decorating the house and all the fanfare. Since she's been gone I just don't have that spark anymore.
My mom has been dead for 23 years. She never made it to 60 - cancer.
I would take a bit of insanity a couple of times a year.
I agree and let your crazy Moms be "crazy" during the Holidays and your grand parents too. Go sit in a homeless shelter during the holidays and see how miserable you can be.
and I'm a mother and grandmother. As I've said here before, my small-to-medium sized family didn't have big get-togethers after my grandmother had a stroke and couldn't stand crowds of people, even family. My other set of grandparents died before I started first grade. I do like doing something special for Christmas. However, I do resent the expectations of many people that it should be a Norman Rockwell experience when so many families are at least borderline dysfunctional--worse when you add in in-laws!
The best T-G- holidays I've had were the year I spent at the beach by myself and when just a couple of friends went to a restaurant.
One funny story (after the passage of several years!) was the year I decided to volunteer at the Salvation Army for Thanksgiving. It was a low period in my life--my SO of several years decided to marry his newly-single high school sweetheart, and I was out of work. I pulled myself together and decided to do something for those less fortunate. There was one lady there who had volunteered many years before and felt she was in charge--she was a pistol and pretty funny to begin with, but her know-it-all attitude got to me after a while. When we left, I realized someone had stolen my brand-new coffee carafe and my jacket, as there was no locker or such to store these things. My car had a big ding in it, also. (I suspected the know-it-all lady who bragged the entire time about her Cadillac and she had parked next to me.) Before we actually started serving people, the local head of the Salvation Army made a speech and took a lot of time explaining we would all get a letter of appreciation--never got it. That didn't bother me really--I didn't do it for some letter. All in all, it seemed to prove that no good deed goes unpunished!
Thankfully my mother is not into any holiday BS anymore. Pretty much after her mother died about two months before Christmas in 2005 she has not put one damn decoration up to celebrate the season. Probably saved us a lot of money and even more BS.
I don't understand it either. I have to work early on Black Friday this year and am thinking of not attending Thanksgiving dinner and my mom is throwing a fit about it just like last year. I don't know why she needs me there so bad, my brother hasn't been to a holiday dinner of any kind in quite some time and she doesn't nag him incessantly about it.
I don't understand it either. I have to work early on Black Friday this year and am thinking of not attending Thanksgiving dinner and my mom is throwing a fit about it just like last year. I don't know why she needs me there so bad, my brother hasn't been to a holiday dinner of any kind in quite some time and she doesn't nag him incessantly about it.
So she has 'lost' your brother, and now she feels she is losing you.... It's not even that you can't make it, you are just "thinking" of not attending and letting her know you don't care by being ambivalent. I'm mean come on.... she's probably cooking the whole dinner, right? And all you need to do is show up and eat it. Even if you need to work early the next day, you have to eat dinner the day before....
And she is worried that if you don't come this year (for not a very good reason), then you will stop coming just like your brother.
I think a lot of Mom's miss their families, and sometimes the only time they can rely upon the kids to come back are holidays.
Our family only gets together only once a year at Xmas, and that will probably end soon. It's definitely hard on the older generation, and the kids don't seem bothered.... I think as my generation "grows up" and starts to learn the hard way.... when "our" kids start to get to busy to come visit.... only then will we be able to see our parents' perspective.
So she has 'lost' your brother, and now she feels she is losing you.... It's not even that you can't make it, you are just "thinking" of not attending and letting her know you don't care by being ambivalent. I'm mean come on.... she's probably cooking the whole dinner, right? And all you need to do is show up and eat it. Even if you need to work early the next day, you have to eat dinner the day before....
And she is worried that if you don't come this year (for not a very good reason), then you will stop coming just like your brother.
I think a lot of Mom's miss their families, and sometimes the only time they can rely upon the kids to come back are holidays.
Our family only gets together only once a year at Xmas, and that will probably end soon. It's definitely hard on the older generation, and the kids don't seem bothered.... I think as my generation "grows up" and starts to learn the hard way.... when "our" kids start to get to busy to come visit.... only then will we be able to see our parents' perspective.
I don't know what you know about Black Friday these days, but they're starting at 6pm on Thanksgiving. I should've been more blunt about that, it's no longer "Black Friday" but "Black Thursday".
I agree. I lost my Mom in 2006 and miss her every single day. Holidays are the toughest and her birthday is Thanksgiving weekend. We both loved the holidays, baking and decorating the house and all the fanfare. Since she's been gone I just don't have that spark anymore.
I feel for you. The anniversary of our Granddad's death is right before Thanksgiving.
I loved holidays at restaurants too. No worry about cooking, dishes, satisfying every little demand. Always gave a great tip and had a good time.
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We both loved the holidays, baking and decorating the house and all the fanfare. Since she's been gone I just don't have that spark anymore.
Thanksgiving is just not a big deal to me
