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I think you're missing the point. As the friendship currently stands, she is the one who is toeing the line of an emotional affair, even if YOU don't think you're doing it. What you are complicit in is encouraging her behavior by continuing to be that friendly ear. Just look at it this way-- even if YOU are keeping proper boundaries her behavior seems to be questionable and if she and her husband end up splitting up over this, are you okay with knowing your continued friendship with her was part of the split?
It doesn't matter if there's transparency; she's gone out of her way to tell you he isn't spending enough time with her so you are the substitute. For her own sake, I'd end the friendship.
Sorry vintage girl youre wrong. I have absolutely nothing to do with their relationship. If they break up, I would feel absolutely nothing. I really would not feel bad at all. It sounds like a horrible relationship, in fact if they get split I would be pretty happy for her. She's trying hard to make it work, and he's not giving any back.
Sorry, let me clarify. Obviously I hope they work it out and everyone loves happily ever after. But if they separate it will have absolutely nothing to do withy me. If he doesn't get his act together, it will happen regardless of if I even exist!
Sorry vintage girl youre wrong. I have absolutely nothing to do with their relationship. If they break up, I would feel absolutely nothing. I really would not feel bad at all. It sounds like a horrible relationship, in fact if they get split I would be pretty happy for her. She's trying hard to make it work, and he's not giving any back.
YOU might think you have nothing to do with them, but your friend isn't behaving that way. For one, you SHOULD NOT KNOW the information that they do about their relationship. That is a bad sign. You should not know how hard she is trying and her husband isn't giving back. Those are details your friend confided in you that she has no right to; all of these issues with her husband are supposed to be confided to the husband and not you.
Honestly, this is the way many affairs start, with a friendly ear.
So what? That is a warping of statistics. It is like saying "The majority of accidents start with people leaving their house". But that in no way suggests "A significant % of people who leave their house have an accident". The former sentence statistically says nothing at all. As does yours.
Simply saying "The majority of affairs start with a story like the OPs" in no way suggests that "The majority of people with a story like the OPs end up in an affair". Quiet the opposite. There is no reason to think even a statistically significant % of people with a story like the OPs end up in an affair.
The statistic being offered by you - and lets face it at least 5 or 6 other users in the thread who put forward the same kind of point - is about as red a herring as red herrings get.
Quote:
Originally Posted by brushrunner
Seen this type of relationship before and it never stays just friends. It would be in your best interest to leave well enough alone you are not helping in any way.
Except it does - often - and your personal unverifiable anecdotes do not change that. The OP is helping. He is being a friend when a friend is required.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cancerous
I'm not worried about this at all anymore.
Nor is there any reason you should be. You are a friend and nothing more. Your mother - I guess because she is a source you trust - managed to sow seeds of doubt in your mind - hence the thread - but the doubts are groundless. There is ZERO reasons on offer here to suggest there is anything wrong with single people having friendships with married people of any sex - let alone the opposite one. As long as _your_ intentions are pure - no more can be asked or expected of you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece
When you discuss your relationship issues with a "just a friend" of the opposite sex you've crossed a line.
A line that exists solely in your imagination. When we have issues in life - even relationship ones - there is nothing whatsoever wrong with discussing them with friends. Support is one of the things friends are for. And the sex of that friend is simply irrelevant.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vintage_girl
Those are details your friend confided in you that she has no right to; all of these issues with her husband are supposed to be confided to the husband and not you.
Bull. Everyone has the right to confide in friends about issues they are going through - and to seek support from their friends. No one is an arbiter of that right - much less so you.
So what? That is a warping of statistics. It is like saying "The majority of accidents start with people leaving their house". But that in no way suggests "A significant % of people who leave their house have an accident". The former sentence statistically says nothing at all. As does yours.
Simply saying "The majority of affairs start with a story like the OPs" in no way suggests that "The majority of people with a story like the OPs end up in an affair". Quiet the opposite. There is no reason to think even a statistically significant % of people with a story like the OPs end up in an affair.
The statistic being offered by you - and lets face it at least 5 or 6 other users in the thread who put forward the same kind of point - is about as red a herring as red herrings get.
Except it does - often - and your personal unverifiable anecdotes do not change that. The OP is helping. He is being a friend when a friend is required.
Nor is there any reason you should be. You are a friend and nothing more. Your mother - I guess because she is a source you trust - managed to sow seeds of doubt in your mind - hence the thread - but the doubts are groundless. There is ZERO reasons on offer here to suggest there is anything wrong with single people having friendships with married people of any sex - let alone the opposite one. As long as _your_ intentions are pure - no more can be asked or expected of you.
A line that exists solely in your imagination. When we have issues in life - even relationship ones - there is nothing whatsoever wrong with discussing them with friends. Support is one of the things friends are for. And the sex of that friend is simply irrelevant.
Bull. Everyone has the right to confide in friends about issues they are going through - and to seek support from their friends. No one is an arbiter of that right - much less so you.
If we go back to the OP, he indicated that he's recently started hanging out with a married woman who is now sharing intimate details of her marital problems with him. This is not an established friendship, and that's what many are taking issue with and cautioning the OP about. That you disagree doesn't make everyone else's feelings and opinions invalid.
If we go back to the OP, he indicated that he's recently started hanging out with a married woman who is now sharing intimate details of her marital problems with him. This is not an established friendship
I did not realise friendship had statutes of limitations and the like. Some friendships progress faster than others. Sometimes it takes years to feel comfortable and open with someone. Sometimes it can take hours. It is not for you to mediate at what point in another persons friendships it should occour.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
That you disagree doesn't make everyone else's feelings and opinions invalid.
Sorry vintage girl youre wrong. I have absolutely nothing to do with their relationship. If they break up, I would feel absolutely nothing. I really would not feel bad at all. It sounds like a horrible relationship, in fact if they get split I would be pretty happy for her. She's trying hard to make it work, and he's not giving any back.
The irony of your screen name OP suddenly struck me. I won't go into a further explanation.
It seems as if you've made up your mind to ignore all of the warnings here. I predict 6 months from now you'll be posting here about how you are now in a relationship with a married woman, and "it just happened. We started out as friends when she was going through a rough time in her marriage." Good luck with that. I hope you enjoy the drama and emotional turmoil.
Let me give you one more bit of wisdom: There are ALWAYS two sides to each story. You've heard hers. Her H also has a tale. Somewhere in the middle is the truth. You don't know what that is.
So what? That is a warping of statistics. It is like saying "The majority of accidents start with people leaving their house". But that in no way suggests "A significant % of people who leave their house have an accident". The former sentence statistically says nothing at all. As does yours.
Simply saying "The majority of affairs start with a story like the OPs" in no way suggests that "The majority of people with a story like the OPs end up in an affair". Quiet the opposite. There is no reason to think even a statistically significant % of people with a story like the OPs end up in an affair.
The statistic being offered by you - and lets face it at least 5 or 6 other users in the thread who put forward the same kind of point - is about as red a herring as red herrings get. OP isn't a therapist yet he is now privy to very personal info he shouldn't be.
Except it does - often - and your personal unverifiable anecdotes do not change that. The OP is helping. He is being a friend when a friend is required.
Nor is there any reason you should be. You are a friend and nothing more. Your mother - I guess because she is a source you trust - managed to sow seeds of doubt in your mind - hence the thread - but the doubts are groundless. There is ZERO reasons on offer here to suggest there is anything wrong with single people having friendships with married people of any sex - let alone the opposite one. As long as _your_ intentions are pure - no more can be asked or expected of you.
A line that exists solely in your imagination. When we have issues in life - even relationship ones - there is nothing whatsoever wrong with discussing them with friends. Support is one of the things friends are for. And the sex of that friend is simply irrelevant.
Bull. Everyone has the right to confide in friends about issues they are going through - and to seek support from their friends. No one is an arbiter of that right - much less so you.
You are naive. A sudden friendship with a member of the opposite sex that starts during a time of upheaval in a relationship and has you bonding over personal problems is a recipe for disaster. This isn't some old friend who'd known you forever and who's counsel you trust....it's a dude from work who's giving her attention. LEARN THE DIFFERENCE.
Sorry vintage girl youre wrong. I have absolutely nothing to do with their relationship. If they break up, I would feel absolutely nothing. I really would not feel bad at all. It sounds like a horrible relationship, in fact if they get split I would be pretty happy for her. She's trying hard to make it work, and he's not giving any back.
As your friend feels closer to you, she will try less to work on her marriage, so you do have something to do w/ their relationship. Her thoughts are on you and not her husband. You are there and she's wanting you is to stroke her self image. Like rrah said, you're only hearing her side. If she's trying so hard to make her marriage work, she would not be confiding in you! She'd be talking/texting to her husband. If he wasn't home or too tired, she'd be coming up w/ ways to pamper him.
I guess you like drama in your life. I'm sure your future posts will be how neither of you meant for anything to happen, but you fell in love. Starting a relationship w/ a married lady will only show you how you may be treated by her in the future. There will always be a trust issue.
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