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It's not really about them being sexist, it's about relaxing the rules after they're done raising the eldest child. I saw that with my parents...when I was in college, I had to be home by 10 every night, but my sister who was in high school was allowed to go to her boyfriend's house and watch movies as late as she wanted and she was totally honest that they were watching movies in his bed.
When I got married and we stayed at my parents house a couple nights, we weren't allowed to sleep in the same room. They had the same policy for my middle sister and her husband, but my youngest sister is allowed to bring her boyfriend for a visit and sleep in the same room with him.
I asked my parents once why they let my sister get away with so much more and they said they were just plain worn out from fighting all of us over the years and they'd given up, that we did what we wanted and still turned out okay and youngest sis would too.
I know that a lot of parents "relax the rules" with a younger child, but I have never heard of parents of married adult children not allowing the married spouses to sleep in the same bed in their house.
And then allowing the youngest daughter's boyfriend to sleep in the same bedroom. Wow, that is really "relaxing the rules". Hedgehog Mom, do your parents allow the older two sisters to sleep in the same bedroom as their husbands now? Or is it still "off limits"?
When I say boyfriends I literally mean 2. I think most people have had more than 1 partner between the ages of 16 and 23.
When I asked my dad he simply said it was because 'it's different because I'm a girl' and 'if the neighbours saw a guy coming out of our house with me they would think I'm a ****'.
Ask him why he's not concerned that the neighbors will think your brother's gf is a ****. Let me get the popcorn out before you give us the report.
I know that a lot of parents "relax the rules" with a younger child, but I have never heard of parents of married adult children not allowing the married spouses to sleep in the same bed in their house.
And then allowing the youngest daughter's boyfriend to sleep in the same bedroom. Wow, that is really "relaxing the rules". Hedgehog Mom, do your parents allow the older two sisters to sleep in the same bedroom as their husbands now? Or is it still "off limits"?
We can afford to stay in hotels now so no one has tested it in years
Is it possible that the girl (your brother's girlfriend) could have a messed-up homelife? Maybe your parents allow her to stay because it's either safer for her or less emotionally/mentally/physically damaging to her than what is going on in her own home? I've seen instances where even the strictest of parents have relaxed their rules in situations such as that.
Is it possible that the girl (your brother's girlfriend) could have a messed-up homelife? Maybe your parents allow her to stay because it's either safer for her or less emotionally/mentally/physically damaging to her than what is going on in her own home? I've seen instances where even the strictest of parents have relaxed their rules in situations such as that.
That's another good possibility. That and the fact that parents do tend to relax the rules for the younger ones. Also a girlfriend for a boy sometimes helps "tame" them, a girlfriend around keeps him from going out drinking or hanging with the guys -- the guys get in him in more trouble.
It's another reason for adult children to move out of their parents' home when it's time. Then they don't have these resentments.
maybe their is a double standard...
but so what i wouldnt let a strange guy in my house,,, overnight
strange girls are different,,,i have less worries theyd be psychos,,,but strange men?? no way..
and..
this strange guy ,,,which i dont want in my place to begin with ,,is going to try his best to deflower my daughter,,,i have no use for him..at all..
now for my sons,,,who bring over girls,,,,,i dont mind that as much.... the girls are well mannered,,,and show respect
besides, i remember being that age ,,,,saying to the old man,,i have honorable intentions with his daughter and lying thru my teeth
Dude, you usually make sense, but in this post you sound seriously confused and naive.
Strange girls are different? Less likely to be psychos? Maybe they're not gonna kill you with an axe, but there are just as many crazy women as their are violent women who would poke holes in the condom to trap your sons with a pregnancy or scream rape or abuse during an argument. I know because I've done the cleanup in the aftermath of women like that, and it ain't pretty.
And I'm not sure why you think it's so great that your sons are "deflowering" other men's daughters.
Seriously, this is one of the most messed-up posts on this thread.
When I say boyfriends I literally mean 2. I think most people have had more than 1 partner between the ages of 16 and 23.
When I asked my dad he simply said it was because 'it's different because I'm a girl' and 'if the neighbours saw a guy coming out of our house with me they would think I'm a ****'.
To everyone who told me to simply move out, I was ill for over a year and didn't work. I'm still catching up on the debt from that year, and cannot afford to move on my current salary. I'm using this time to save for my future. Even if I did move, I would obviously still come back and visit and the fact that I am treated so differently would still hurt me.
So you're over 23. You're a bit old to still let this be ruffling your feathers. Accept that your parents are out of step with the 21st century and that they view you differently than your brothers. I'm sorry to say it, but you should probably consider them an emotional write-off. Family is a biological accident - just because you're born into it doesn't mean they're going to treat you better than other people do or even provide you with what you need emotionally (or even physically in some families). Get started building yourself a support network from friends you choose to have in your life. I love my family, but the people I rely on most are my friends - the ones who I have welcomed into my life due to common interests and values, and whom I have built long-standing friendships with.
I'm not saying you cut ties with your family over this, but just understand what they are capable of providing you on an emotional level, on the level of fairness, on the level of wisdom. Accept their limitations, protect yourself from the damage those limitations could do to you, and seek out other people who can give you that support.
I know how you feel - trust me. The day my grandmother told me stridently that virginity was the only thing a woman brought into a marriage was the day I lost a HUGE amount of respect for her. I was 13, and I can honestly say that although I loved her dearly, I never went to her for advice again, nor did I seriously consider her opinions. Who in their right mind says that to a child? My god, what if me or one of my younger female cousins had been sexually assaulted and we had THAT running through our heads in the aftermath? The people who hold these kinds of beliefs never really think what a wrecking ball statements like that can turn into.
Move out and have as many men sleep over as you want.
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