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Ok, so this is really hard considering the circumstances. My niece is 15 yrs old and has completely gone off the deep end. She ran away from home about 3 yrs ago. I left work to help my sister find her. After a few hours we finally found her and I had a talk with her and asked her what the heck was going on. She had stated that her step brother had come into her room in the middle of the night and touched her breasts. My sister had already been aware of and handled the situation. He was 13 and she was 12 at the time. I completely understand her feelings of being violated.
Here it is 3 years later, they have moved to different location. New school, new friends, new life. A reboot if you will. Back in August, I get a call from my sister stating there is a 2 bedroom trailer on her property that needs a lot of work (which is an under statement), and knowing my desire to flip houses, she offered it to me free and clear. While working here and getting it livable again, my niece came over one night while my kids and are weren't here. She brought her new boyfriend, and well, the intentions are obvious. Busted by her step dad and brothers before anything happened, huge consequences lied ahead at home.
2 days later my sister received a call from school that my niece was at the sheriff's office. OMG! Now her story from 3 yrs ago has changed from him to touching her to him raping her on 3 separate occasions. I simply asked her why she never said anything to me, and she just says because she thought no one would believe her. And hearing the details of the instances (I'm not saying shes lying), doesn't make since. Now he is under investigation for rape, and my sister is under investigation for criminal negligence.
My niece started doing better at school and what have you, until last week. She and her boyfriend were suspended for 5 day each for her performing oral sex on him at the school.
Every time she gets punished she is abusing the system and trying to make her parents and siblings pay the price for her mistakes. My sister is in an impossible situation, what mother can choose between her children? My sister is scared to say or do anything to punish her daughter now.
What can my sister do to control this girl? Can I help in any way? I'm just at a loss.......
Ok, so this is really hard considering the circumstances. My niece is 15 yrs old and has completely gone off the deep end. She ran away from home about 3 yrs ago. I left work to help my sister find her. After a few hours we finally found her and I had a talk with her and asked her what the heck was going on. She had stated that her step brother had come into her room in the middle of the night and touched her breasts. My sister had already been aware of and handled the situation. He was 13 and she was 12 at the time. I completely understand her feelings of being violated.
Here it is 3 years later, they have moved to different location. New school, new friends, new life. A reboot if you will. Back in August, I get a call from my sister stating there is a 2 bedroom trailer on her property that needs a lot of work (which is an under statement), and knowing my desire to flip houses, she offered it to me free and clear. While working here and getting it livable again, my niece came over one night while my kids and are weren't here. She brought her new boyfriend, and well, the intentions are obvious. Busted by her step dad and brothers before anything happened, huge consequences lied ahead at home.
2 days later my sister received a call from school that my niece was at the sheriff's office. OMG! Now her story from 3 yrs ago has changed from him to touching her to him raping her on 3 separate occasions. I simply asked her why she never said anything to me, and she just says because she thought no one would believe her. And hearing the details of the instances (I'm not saying shes lying), doesn't make since. Now he is under investigation for rape, and my sister is under investigation for criminal negligence.
My niece started doing better at school and what have you, until last week. She and her boyfriend were suspended for 5 day each for her performing oral sex on him at the school.
Every time she gets punished she is abusing the system and trying to make her parents and siblings pay the price for her mistakes. My sister is in an impossible situation, what mother can choose between her children? My sister is scared to say or do anything to punish her daughter now.
What can my sister do to control this girl? Can I help in any way? I'm just at a loss.......
It's not 'control' the girl...it's get the girl some help! No wonder she thought no one will believe her then...you don't believe her now, though her acting out is pretty in line with what sexual abuse victims sometimes do.
Stop blaming the victim and get her some support rather then just trying to pretend it didn't happen and 'moving' fixed everything.
ScarletG, I appreciate your post. But I think you might have misread some details. I am just the listener. I am the one who doesn't judge her. I have never told her I didn't believe her, and I'm not saying that I don't. I said that the details of her situation doesn't make sense, I have never disclosed this to her. She gets enough rejection at home, and I will not be any part of that. I am the one she knows she can confide in. I am the one she does talk to when she can. My sister has her on complete lock down, and she is not allowed to talk to anyone. She is in therapy but resist any help. She has the assumption that everyone is conspiring against her. She used to cut herself, and I intervened. But with the new circumstances, I am afraid she will revert back to hurting herself physically to relieve herself mentally. I just want to help my niece.
Honestly, to me, it sounds like her boyfriend is the only one she can trust - not you. The first thing you need to realize is she is smarter than you give her credit for, if you have ANY doubt about her story of rape then she KNOWS you do (trust me, doubt is easy to spot). If she is willing to talk to the sheriff about being raped then I REALLY doubt she is lying, and I don't care what anyone says, women don't lie about rape as often as some people would like you to believe. To have gone to the sheriffs during school hours means she talked to a teacher or staff member about the rape, correct? Well, during my experience as being a teenager it takes a LOT to get a teenager to open up to someone who works for their school, let alone a new school. Chances are she is changing the tune from "touching" to rape because when it first happened she had FRIENDS and a support system at her old school, and that gave her comfort to lie (she probably felt guilty for what happened to her, thinking that it is her fault she didn't stop him). Now that she has moved schools, she might feel like she has no one to talk to (besides her boyfriend), which lead to her talking to the school, and when the school hears rape - so does the cops.
Personally, if I were the girl, I would be acting out too. It seems everyone is taking the sides of the brother, at least to her. And wouldn't YOU act out if put into her place? And if she is acting out sexually, TWICE, then that says a lot, and yes she is acting out sexually. She isn't stupid, she knew she could and might get caught at school (and in the "flip" house) when she did those things, maybe she wanted to get caught (without realizing it even). Acting out sexually is a big deal, I know I was having sex at that age but I also knew how to hide it, I doubt she isn't just being "stupid" and getting caught on "accident".
But hey, I could be wrong about all this, but I still hope this helps some!
Honestly, to me, it sounds like her boyfriend is the only one she can trust - not you. The first thing you need to realize is she is smarter than you give her credit for, if you have ANY doubt about her story of rape then she KNOWS you do (trust me, doubt is easy to spot). If she is willing to talk to the sheriff about being raped then I REALLY doubt she is lying, and I don't care what anyone says, women don't lie about rape as often as some people would like you to believe. To have gone to the sheriffs during school hours means she talked to a teacher or staff member about the rape, correct? Well, during my experience as being a teenager it takes a LOT to get a teenager to open up to someone who works for their school, let alone a new school. Chances are she is changing the tune from "touching" to rape because when it first happened she had FRIENDS and a support system at her old school, and that gave her comfort to lie (she probably felt guilty for what happened to her, thinking that it is her fault she didn't stop him). Now that she has moved schools, she might feel like she has no one to talk to (besides her boyfriend), which lead to her talking to the school, and when the school hears rape - so does the cops.
Personally, if I were the girl, I would be acting out too. It seems everyone is taking the sides of the brother, at least to her. And wouldn't YOU act out if put into her place? And if she is acting out sexually, TWICE, then that says a lot, and yes she is acting out sexually. She isn't stupid, she knew she could and might get caught at school (and in the "flip" house) when she did those things, maybe she wanted to get caught (without realizing it even). Acting out sexually is a big deal, I know I was having sex at that age but I also knew how to hide it, I doubt she isn't just being "stupid" and getting caught on "accident".
But hey, I could be wrong about all this, but I still hope this helps some!
Excellent post. She needs help. You need to see if her mom will let her move in with you.
Can you clarify, when you say they moved and got a new start, do you mean away from the stepbrother or that they all moved together? Is she currently living in the same home as the boy she is accusing?
Yes they do all live together. They are, including the parents, a family of 9. 2 girls, 4 boys. According to her, everyone there constantly put her down and make her feel bad for standing up for herself. They tell her she is selfish and is intentionally trying to ruin the family.
Wow, none of this was a reboot or a new life. It was just packing up the dysfunction and moving it somewhere else and letting the misery continue. Nothing changed except the location.
The girl obviously needs therapy and support. Is it possible for her to move somewhere else, away from her immediate family ? Her family is a major part of her problem. Removal from them and safety from her accusers and attackers may help make her more amenable to therapy.
That whole family needs therapy but I doubt if they would all go. Is there a court date coming up or are there social workers involved in this mess. Options need to be legally explored to help this girl.
Hang on, what?! She lives in the same house as the stepbrother that molested her and that she says raped her?
Why are you asking about her? What the hell is wrong with her mother that she would allow this?
Poor child. Good grief. Get her out of that horrible situation.
"They" are the pits. Jeeze.
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