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^^^^You don't need to take this type of abuse from her - cut her off. She is a toxic person especially what
she managed to do with your relationship with your son. Therapy will help with that. Also, you are lucky to have
some good friends - so you are not alone and people do care about you.
First of all, Campbell's soup is already condensed! LOL Why do ppl do that, say something negative...I mean this is a forum! It takes more energy to do something negative, than a positive gesture...just saying...
TO all you other nice folks that took the time to read and post. I appreciate your time, and thought. Proves that the world does out weight the bad.
Thank you!
A lot of people who read and post on this forum shake their heads at posts that are like yours.
You say you are in your 40's yet you don't know how to avoid toxic family members no matter who they are? At some point before now something, anything should have told you to set the boundries and stick with them. The reason you are still treated this way is because you have allowed everyone to treat you this way.
You allow continued unsupervised unlimited contact between your son and your Mother, you allow your sister and whomever else to pop into and out of your life like nothing ever happened, you allow their actions to control your life. Once you stop allowing all the nonsense and cut contact completely your life will be much less stressful, your son should learn his absolute boundries and your family will either change for good or they won't. Be prepared for them not to change and to cut them out of your life and move on.
I think it is easy, but perhaps not constructive, to recommend that people cut family members from their lives. We can't know all the details of any relationship. I think it is better to find ways to manage family members who are habitually cruel to us. If the abuse is awful, and ongoing, then I think a mental health pro can help someone sort out whether a complete break needs to be made.
Making a break is a drastic step. I hesitate to advocate it because I'm not a mental health professional, and I don't know all the circumstances.
If you prefer not to get therapy as others have suggested, just keep limiting contact with her for your own sake. If I were you, I would severely limit contact with such a mother that you describe. My mother sounds very similar and when my mother acts like yours has, I cut off contact sometimes for weeks or even months. You probably need to limit contact and set up boundaries with your mother as much as possible, or she will continue to hurt you, as she sounds like a controlling person who likes to "divide and conquer" by turning family members against one another with playing favorites, meddling, and other sort of games. I grow weary of such people and want to keep my own life as stress free as possible.
Sorry, OP, I could not wade my way through that solid block of print.
I am one of the people who realized I don't have to take the abuse, my mother was not going to change, and I simply removed myself from the situation.
People can't abuse you if you don't allow it.
I have absolutely no way of knowing whether you are setting yourself up for the abusive behavior, or if maybe you are seeking it out. That is where counseling comes into play. There is no solution except for what you can find inside yourself. You will have very little success trying to change other people or their behavior.
You need to get yourself into therapy to help you sort out your feelings. It would be great if your mother or son would go into therapy with you, but that probably is not going to happen. Your mother is a very toxic person, and she is hurting your relationship with your son...probably because she is jealous of your relationship with him.
Your mother is not going to change, so you need to learn from a counsellor how to deal with her.
I love her, don't get me wrong. A lot! But she constantly puts me down, calls me out in front of others about things, and makes up her own assumptions about how I feel about things.
As through the years, I felt as though my mother neglected me. She and my dad always pop into my sisters house, my brothers house, but seem to forget where I live. My mother says mean things about my husband and he feels uncomfortable around her.
Any advise would be so appreciated!!
Um.
Why exactly do you love this person?
Dude. Cut her off and move on.
I know you want your mommy, but she totally sucks.
It's hard to let go of, but geezus. There is no point in her being in your life.
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