Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The forgiveness is for your emotional benefit, not that of the offender. You forgive to heal the damage, as an attempt to close the book on what was an unspeakable chapter in your life. That is NOT the same thing as allowing that person back into your life. Never, ever.
The forgiveness is for your emotional benefit, not that of the offender. You forgive to heal the damage, as an attempt to close the book on what was an unspeakable chapter in your life. That is NOT the same thing as allowing that person back into your life. Never, ever.
On another note...how do you know once you've actually truly reached the point of having completely forgiven someone?
The forgiveness is for your emotional benefit, not that of the offender. You forgive to heal the damage, as an attempt to close the book on what was an unspeakable chapter in your life. That is NOT the same thing as allowing that person back into your life. Never, ever.
Yep.
I posted a thread about the Global Forgiveness Challenge, but it fell off the page, so I thought I'd mention it again now. It may help those who wish to forgive, but are having a hard time getting there.
Has anyone ever been molested by a parent or other family member during childhood and gone on in adulthood to not only forgive them, but were able to establish a normal, healthy relationship with that person?
If so, how was this accomplished? Is it a bad idea to try to salvage and begin a new relationship with a past abuser?
Forgiveness, yes definitely. It is good for the soul. Going on and forging a "normal" healthy relationship, not a chance.
I was only able to forgive after the perpetrators were dead. It took a lot of counseling to be able to reach a state in which I no longer felt governed by what was done to me. I don't know if it helped that the people who abused me were dead or if it made it worse. I had always hoped for an apology and never got one. Personally, I think it's harder to forgive someone who hasn't apologized.
But I just don't have the same visceral reaction that I used to have. It doesn't affect me like it did in the past. But it took years and years of counseling and forcing myself to keep going when I really wanted to stop.
On another note...how do you know once you've actually truly reached the point of having completely forgiven someone?
When it does not rule your heart and guide how you see the world. Mind you, I have not dealt with the situation you've dealt with. But in my own small way, I've dealt with the betrayal of others in my life. And until you really forgive them in your own heart, they will live in your head.
I feel like I could probably forgive, if they were truly sorry and it wasn't like horrifically violent or anything. If they caused me extreme pain I might be able to forgive but I wouldn't want a relationship with them.
Forgive, you must, it's part of our spiritual growth and soul wisdom, but, ya don't have
to 'hang out with the person'...wish them wel, from afar.
Now, if they got therapy and apologized to YOU, that would be different.
(I know all of this from experience, btw...)
Good luck with whatever you decide.
I had a friend, fat Michael, talk with me about his pedaphelia issue...somehow a bunch of us found out
from the parents of a beautiful little girl about six..no penetration, but touching places...
He TRULY, truly, thought in his sweet/innocent/deluded mind...that this little girl, Brooke, actually was aware;
that her smiles and coyness were deliberately asking for his affections ...as IF she were an adult woman
...deliberately flirting, "knowing'' what she was doing...or effecting him.
I swear those were his words. He really felt she wanted him to touch her under her dress.
I give no comment...I'm not a professional....just telling you this odd up close and personal encounter.
'Odd' is still a judgment...I'll change that to 'unique or unusual encounter'...we were in our late 20s at the time.
He was one of the sweetest, gentlest, folk singers, btw, not some mean person...clinically, very fascinating.
This man needs to be separated from anyone under the age of 16, and I hope he is in therapy. He is neither sweet nor gentle. He is not innocent of mind either. I can't believe that you actually believe this about this pedophile.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
