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Maybe this belongs in the Romantic relationship thread but here it goes.....
I have a friend (of 15 years, and pretty much family) whose roommate could no longer pay rent... I told my Girlfriend about it because she was having trouble at her apartment and we are all friends to begin with.
My GF has been there a couple months now.
My GF has nothing of hers in the apartment besides whats in her room. This is because the other guy didnt have much, so my friend just has all her "junk" everywhere.
My GF has a lot of pressure on her to keep the place clean and do chores, which is OK but she is NEVER the one making the mess.
My friend recently told my GF that if Im going to be staying there a lot I need to start pitching in... As in cleaning and buying food and paying rent..She has told me this as well. I do vacuum and take the trash out and cook (food that I/GF buys), I dont want my GF carrying anything heavy.
I could see paying rent... But I would be splitting the smaller room and I wouldnt have any other room for what little stuff I have.
I do not shower there. I do not go in the fridge and eat their food. I do not wash my clothes there. I use my GFs toothpaste. I dont even go "number 2" there.
ALL I do is go there after work to see my GF and usually end up staying there..
Weve talked about splitting half of my GFs rent... That didnt work out so well because its not fair, even though I would literally be splitting a room and nothing else.
Ive asked my GF and she says she doesnt care that I dont pay anything because I dont live there and I dont mooch off of them. My GF doesnt see a point for me to pay rent when Im just sleeping over......
We are thinking about moving in together somewhere else but my current employment is unpredictable with when they could be laying me off. Im in the process of finding a more secure job where I dont have to worry about this..
Any advice would be appreciated, Ive never really been in this type of situation.
I don't think so, based on what you're saying. It's a 2 bedroom apartment, and the rent is split between the two occupants, right? You are a frequent guest, but don't actually live there? I don't think it much matters that the friend needed somebody to sublease while the gf was looking to move. In other words, the friend doesn't owe you, but you don't owe her either.
My GF and I have only talked about moving in together and havent looked around or anything. So thats on hold for now.
My friend wont have a problem finding someone to take my GFs spot since Ive already talked about this to her brother who is my good friend. He said he would take the spot because I told him I about the situation and I wouldnt want my friend to be stranded with no roommate.\
I don't think so, based on what you're saying. It's a 2 bedroom apartment, and the rent is split between the two occupants, right? You are a frequent guest, but don't actually live there? I don't think it much matters that the friend needed somebody to sublease while the gf was looking to move. In other words, the friend doesn't owe you, but you don't owe her either.
I'm going to speak to the other side.
My daughter shared a two bedroom apartment a year ago. Her room mate's girl friend slept over 3 or 4 (sometimes 5) nights a week and spent almost every evening at the apartment even if she did not sleep over.
My daughter got along well with both women but ended up very, very frustrated with the situation.
DD said that she would get home from work and want to quietly sit and eat dinner and her room mate & GF were always in the living room watching movies or playing cards or just chatting with each other. The bedrooms were pretty small so her room mate & GF spent most of their time in the common areas of the apartment.
Unfortunately the GFs morning schedule & DD's schedule were the same (they both had to be out by 7:30 AM.) The roommate didn't need to leave until 9 AM so DD never even saw her in the morning. Now on the days that the GF slept over they both had to take showers, dry their hair, use the bathroom, etc. DD needed to get up at least 30 minutes earlier on those mornings. A couple of times she didn't realize that the GF had slept over so DD didn't get up early and both of them ended up late to their respective jobs.
My daughter kept telling me that if she would have wanted to have two room mates she would have rented a place with two people. Room mate hardly cooked but her GF loved to cook so there were many times that DD had to wait to make her meals until the GF was out of their tiny kitchen.
The bottom line was that the inconvenience of having an extra person there most nights/mornings and every evening was definitely a problem and certainly not fair to my daughter who paid 50% of the rent yet had to share the apartment 80% of the time with two people.
PS. I just read the original post. OP did not shower there, cook there, do laundry there, or spend most of his time there, that is a lot different than the situation with my daughter.
PSS. And, how do you prevent "going #2" at the apartment? Run across the street to the gas station if you feel that urge?
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-04-2014 at 05:48 PM..
However, My friend is always having people over. One of her friends will stay a week straight without going home. She is always having people over all hours of the night, sometimes until 3-4am.
I need my sleep so I like to be laying down around 11pm.
Its a double standard. My GF has friends over and they need to be quiet at night... But my friend has people over and they are noisy and laughing and watching TV, even after my GF tells them to try and quiet down...
This is very annoying to me because they have no idea how physically demanding my job is and they dont care. I dont ask them to care and I deal with it because I just want to see my GF. I would NEVER ask them to be quiet, Id be overstepping my boundaries and I know I cant do that.
Maybe the other roommate resents that even though you don't take a shower or do laundry there, you are there most nights and that cuts down on her privacy. Maybe it's hard enough for her to live with one other person and she's having to live with 2 other people. Maybe she feels as if you're living there??? I don't know.
Maybe y'all make a little 'noise' at night and it wakes her up and she's jealous she isn't getting any so she's giving y'all a bad time? ....just trying to see things from her view and what she might be thinking.
ETA: Maybe y'all stay at your place some nights to give her roomy her time? Maybe then she'd be less inclined to ask that you pay rent too.
ETA again to change his to her. Didn't realize room mate is a girl.
Last edited by diddlydudette; 06-04-2014 at 06:23 PM..
However, My friend is always having people over. One of her friends will stay a week straight without going home. She is always having people over all hours of the night, sometimes until 3-4am.
I need my sleep so I like to be laying down around 11pm.
Its a double standard. My GF has friends over and they need to be quiet at night... But my friend has people over and they are noisy and laughing and watching TV, even after my GF tells them to try and quiet down...
This is very annoying to me because they have no idea how physically demanding my job is and they dont care. I dont ask them to care and I deal with it because I just want to see my GF. I would NEVER ask them to be quiet, Id be overstepping my boundaries and I know I cant do that.
I sounds more like the problem is your GF's room mate is a jerk. And, it does sound like a double standard regarding noise, visitors, etc. After rereading your post it certainly doesn't sound like you should be chipping in for rent.
Can your GF sleep over at your place more often? (The GF of DD's room mate lived at home so the room mate could not sleep over or spend most evenings there.)
What does the lease say about occupancy and guests? The landlord may have set restrictions (as many do) to avoid this sort of thing. Zoning laws in many states also set limits on how many unrelated people can share living space. "Usually staying over there" after work means that you're living there whether you look at it that way or not and, yes, you should either be contributing towards the household financially or having your girlfriend stay at YOUR place. Any particular reason why the latter's not possible?
The friend who actually holds the lease to the apartment is responsible for the actions of anyone else living there who's not on the lease, as well as visitors, and she's probably too nice to tell you straight out that your continual overnight presence is becoming an imposition.
I suggest you spend way fewer nights there until such time as you and your girlfriend have your own place.
PS: And, by the way, the leaseholder can have over whoever she wants to have over and that has absolutely nothing to do with you unless you become a legal tenant of the place..
When I shared a 2BR with a friend, the rule we settled on was that anyone staying there more than half of the month (so basically more than 15 nights) was there enough to cover a third of the next month's rent. We also established set nights of the week that no one could stay over (unless they were contributing a third of the rent).
Last edited by apexgds; 06-04-2014 at 07:11 PM..
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