Only time they call is when they need money! (retirement, conversation, neighborhood)
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Wouldn't it be easier to just give my broke family members the money they need and attempt to buy my way back into their good graces? I am so tired of being cut off and being told I am cheap.
No, it wouldn't be easier! What would be is to just say no and hang up the phone. By saying that you would "think about it" you gave her a reason to keep calling you.
No, it wouldn't be easier! What would be is to just say no and hang up the phone. By saying that you would "think about it" you gave her a reason to keep calling you.
I don't agree with abruptly saying "no" and hanging up the phone as the same message can be delivered without being rude or reacting childishly but, yes, giving a shred of hope and then not returning subsequent phone calls is simply creating unnecessary drama. And maybe that's what the OP thrives upon.
Why would they ask you for money? Aren't you broke and haven't worked for years? Just tell them that!
I have quite a bit of money saved up from when I was working but live a very conservative lifestyle and am tight with my money so if I can't get a full time job, I will survive.
[quote=I'm Retired Now;35202280]I asked her if she had any credit cards and she said yes. I said why don't you write yourself a credit card convenience check? Or go to an ATM and get a cash advance.
I sent her this link in an email and never got a reply.
Wouldn't that be a better route than having a brother you have no relationship with lend you money?[/quote]
I certainly think so! The thing of it is, doing it "your way", would mean that she is legally responsible for satisfying the debt. Doing it "her way" would mean that she is "ethically" responsible for repaying the loan....um, much like the sister who borrowed $5,000. We see how that worked out.
I'm sorry, maybe I sound like a selfish hag, but there's no way in heck I'd attempt to buy someone's love. Furthermore, I wouldn't hand over my hard-earned money to people who don't bother to speak to me until they want something from me. They see you as money....nothing else, clearly. They clearly do not see you as someone that they want to have a relationship with and as others have pointed out, you don't even LIKE or RESPECT these people.
Move on with your life. Create a family of people whom you respect and have things in common with. Familial ties do not always mean that you're going to be personally compatable. Familial ties also do not mean that you are required to be financially responsible for irresponsible adults, either. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for others is be an example and be strong enough to not carry someone who needs to learn to walk on their own two feet!
I have quite a bit of money saved up from when I was working but live a very conservative lifestyle and am tight with my money so if I can't get a full time job, I will survive.
How are your (supposed) trips to Europe part of a conservative lifestyle?
Since you've described this contact as a means to manipulate you into giving her money....Just say, No. You sent a link to suggest another option....That was enough. Even giving time to considering it, which was simply misleading on your part....is negative reinforcement. When you do that, the person will continue to only contact you for money. Next time this happens....and you sense the conversation is going "there" make up an abrupt reason to get off of the phone...."OMG, my dog got out the front door".....Click. Do not call them back. You have got to take control of this routine from the get....You know this song and dance, just nip it in the bud....Abrupt, no room for wavering, on your part or the relative on the line. Do that each time....You got nothing to lose.
I'm sure she will appreciate your assistance in finding alternatives but then again you could save all this drama with a sister you haven't talked to in over a year by simply saying no without fluffing around telling her you'll "think about it" when your decision was likely quite clear in your own mind from the start.
I might think differently if you were a few decades younger but (and although there are times when I'm surprised) I don't think it's unrealistic to assume that by the time one reaches one's 60s one has developed sufficient maturity to deal with such things simply and firmly. And particularly since this is nothing new for you.
Exactly! OP, you've got to learn to say NO, not some wishy washy "I'll think about it'. You're just prolonging the situation that way.
You don't owe your sister anything and you're not going to buy her love by giving her the money. If anything, she's going to feel resentment towards you by dragging this out longer instead of just being upfront with her and saying no the first time she asked.
My older sister was given a $5000 loan a couple of years ago, and never paid me back after the first payment. And then had the nerve to ask me for another loan. When I rejected her I was cut off from the family- and my elderly parents, until this phone call.
Well, there's your out!
"As soon as I get full payment from <older sister's name>, I can lend some to you. I only do one loan at a time."
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