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Have you ever had a hard time getting an old friend out of your life once you knew it as a toxic friendship? What finally worked for you. Does anyone have any ideas on how to get a friend out of your life who refuses to leave without having to get a court order? Thanks for all your help.
I have tried twice to get this person out of my life, but she would keep calling, and if I didn't answer the phone she would come over and bring gifts. One day when I would not answer the door she went through the gate and began knocking on the back door, so my dh let her in. Then she pleads with me, says she is sorry, etc. and I feel bad for her and take her back. I had even written her emails telling her that our friendship was ended and why, but that just brought her to my door with her telling me that the devil comes out in me when i email, and I said, "That is how I feel."" I just had an emotional two weeks at an event we went to, and I am the one blamed for what happened by her. She is insensitive to my feelings, discounts me, and has no empathy. For example, I have had facial pain for a year, but I learned to not talk about it because she said that it was all in my head. Another woman said that she called her for up to a year before she gave up calling.
I think I have to take this lighter, make a game of it, or I will go nutts. Right now I can't sleep. By making a game of it I mean try onething after another to see what works and that way making a game. I don't know. I once emailed her husband and told him to tell her to leave me alone. She came right over and said that she never listens to him.
It may be time for you to get a restraining order out on her. I'm serious. With people like her (she sounds emotionally unstable) you never know what they will stoop to doing.
It may be time for you to get a restraining order out on her. I'm serious. With people like her (she sounds emotionally unstable) you never know what they will stoop to doing.
This is easier to say than to do. There are two types of restraining orders. One applies specifically to domestic abuse, so that wouldn't work here. The other type is known in many places as a Civil Harassment Order (CHO). It's the kind that may be filed against a person with whom the victim lacks any relationship of blood or marriage, whether the person is known or unknown. (Some people don't even know their harasser.) But in order to take one out, the court will require proof of stalking, harassing, committing a violent act, or threatening to do so against the victim and/or his or her minor children.
It doesn't sound to me as if anything of that level has yet occurred. Not to say it won't, but the court doesn't usually award protection from abuse if there is no documented "abuse." That means: start the documentation. Keep a record of any time this person contacts you in any way (phone calls, E-mails, snail mail, visits, messages sent via a surrogate, etc.) Dates and descriptions. It would be good to get a witness who can testify that s/he saw you ask the harasser to stop approaching you. Keep any and all documents addressed to you or photographs of anything the harasser gives you.
Once you have any significant amount of proof of that type, then you will be prepared to file for protection. Which really doesn't do much for the victim short of giving her or him the ability to have the harasser charged with a crime when and if order is violated.
I have tried twice to get this person out of my life, but she would keep calling, and if I didn't answer the phone she would come over and bring gifts. One day when I would not answer the door she went through the gate and began knocking on the back door, so my dh let her in. Then she pleads with me, says she is sorry, etc. and I feel bad for her and take her back. I had even written her emails telling her that our friendship was ended and why, but that just brought her to my door with her telling me that the devil comes out in me when i email, and I said, "That is how I feel."" I just had an emotional two weeks at an event we went to, and I am the one blamed for what happened by her. She is insensitive to my feelings, discounts me, and has no empathy. For example, I have had facial pain for a year, but I learned to not talk about it because she said that it was all in my head. Another woman said that she called her for up to a year before she gave up calling.
I think I have to take this lighter, make a game of it, or I will go nutts. Right now I can't sleep. By making a game of it I mean try onething after another to see what works and that way making a game. I don't know. I once emailed her husband and told him to tell her to leave me alone. She came right over and said that she never listens to him.
Thanks for any advice.
Tell her one more time the friendship is over and you will not be involved with her on any level in the future.
Also block her email, texts, phone calls etc. and inform her that you will file charges for harrassment/stalking if she does not leave you alone.
Then tell your husband that you have ended the friendship and he is not to allow her into your home again.
The main issue I see is that you have not shown her any boundaries and stuck to them.
If you tell her that you are no longer going to be involved with her then don't be involved with her.
You either stand up for yourself and do as you say you are going to do or you continue to allow her to treat you as she does.
Telling her that you're not going to be her friend anymore and why makes her feel like it's something she can fix. It's an admirably direct method of dealing with someone, but it's not going to work on this lady. She seems to enjoy the idea of having a problem and then making up afterwards. She probably has this pattern with other people too.
Instead of being upfront about ending the friendship, be too busy when she wants to get together. Let the calls go to voice mail, or answer and say you're waiting for a return call from the doctor/plumber/whoever and you don't want to miss it (of course you have call waiting, but she probably won't think fast enough to point that out). If she invites you to do something with her, say, "Yeah, we should do that sometime," and just never do it. Limit all interactions with her to ten minutes or less. Eventually she will find someone else to bother.
What you could do is turn the tables on her. Invade her space, call her all the time. Wake her up late at night. But be careful she might like the attention. I would be careful with her. That's way not normal.
Can you change your number? If you can I would do that. Like others said though, start documenting. She seems extremely unstable and is exhibiting stalker tendencies. Don't answer her. Ever. No matter what's said, just ignore her, even if she is saying negative things just to try and pull you in.
Send one email stating you wish to stop talking to her and to not call you, email you, or come to your home. If she does say you will call the police. Tell your husband to not answer her either. People like this thrive on attention and if you stop giving it to her she will eventually find somebody else to bother.
Rent "Single White Female" and watch repeatedly until you grow a back bone.
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