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In short,my mother pretty much decided for me that I will be either be a doctor. She made me volunteer in a hospital in high school. She more or less forced me into my college because it's good for pre med. It's a psychological thing for her, in short she was trying to live through me.
After my spring semester of freshman year, I told my mom that's not what I'm going to do with my life [switched to economics and computer science]. My relationship with my mother has been considerably more difficult after the switch.
It's summer, and I got an internship close to home. Everyday I hear something to the tune of: "you are wasting our hard earned money on your worthless degrees. you are a complete failure and disappointment. why won't you just commit suicide". My dad [who spent most of his life working as a software engineer] stays out or tacitly agrees with my mom: "You aren't meant for techy things. your brain isn't wired that way. you should have stayed with biology/pre med".
Anyway, is this a fair trade off in exchange for them paying for college? I graduate in May.
Also, will it be terrible to cut my parents out of my life the minute I get self sufficient? I'm an only child. My parents [and I] haven't talked to another family member in around 13 years. My parents have no friends. They can barely tolerate each other. They don't have much in " human bonds", but they are financially set. I'm sure they can pay for their own retirement and funeral expenses.
It's not really about college. It's about control. Unless you enforce boundaries NOW, you will deal with this your whole life.
If you can't afford college, then you will have to tolerate their criticism. You can ASSERT yourself each time they say anything by saying a dead-end statement like, "I hear your concern, but please do not insult me. I will explain my choice of major to you if you will listen. But if you only want to criticize, I need to go study."
Say it every time. Don't get sucked into the argument. It doesn't sound like they have threatened to stop paying your tuition, so just keep moving forward if you think you have a good plan.
Along the way, get a part-time job and start paying your own tuition.
Basically- tough it out for another year. Then get a job,and move out as soon as possible. Show your parents that you can live a life doing as you please. What's that old saying- "living well is the best revenge".
Once you're on your own and out of the house your relationship with them may change. As an independent adult, you'll be able to control how often you see them, etc. Don't forget to thank them for putting you through college. You don't have to cut them out of your life- just minimize your relationship with them. Just hang in there for another year. Good luck
When you turned 18 you had a choice. Head out on your own or accept money from your parents and attend college. You could have attended college and paid for it yourself.
Since you accepted the obvious terms of taking someone else's money, you have 2 choices:
either renegotiate the terms or stop taking their money and go off on your own.
Your parents don't owe you anything once you turn 18. Does that mean you parent isn't being unreasonable? Of course not but it is their money, not yours so when you as an adult accept money you also accept what goes along with it. Either that or don't take the money.
In short,my mother pretty much decided for me that I will be either be a doctor. She made me volunteer in a hospital in high school. She more or less forced me into my college because it's good for pre med. It's a psychological thing for her, in short she was trying to live through me.
After my spring semester of freshman year, I told my mom that's not what I'm going to do with my life [switched to economics and computer science]. My relationship with my mother has been considerably more difficult after the switch.
It's summer, and I got an internship close to home. Everyday I hear something to the tune of: "you are wasting our hard earned money on your worthless degrees. you are a complete failure and disappointment. why won't you just commit suicide". My dad [who spent most of his life working as a software engineer] stays out or tacitly agrees with my mom: "You aren't meant for techy things. your brain isn't wired that way. you should have stayed with biology/pre med".
Anyway, is this a fair trade off in exchange for them paying for college? I graduate in May.
Also, will it be terrible to cut my parents out of my life the minute I get self sufficient? I'm an only child. My parents [and I] haven't talked to another family member in around 13 years. My parents have no friends. They can barely tolerate each other. They don't have much in " human bonds", but they are financially set. I'm sure they can pay for their own retirement and funeral expenses.
Computer science is a dead end degree? How about you have ol Mom'O head over to the BlS sight which gives most computers jobs am 17-20 percent growth rate, which is far above the average.
In short,my mother pretty much decided for me that I will be either be a doctor. She made me volunteer in a hospital in high school. She more or less forced me into my college because it's good for pre med. It's a psychological thing for her, in short she was trying to live through me.
After my spring semester of freshman year, I told my mom that's not what I'm going to do with my life [switched to economics and computer science]. My relationship with my mother has been considerably more difficult after the switch.
It's summer, and I got an internship close to home. Everyday I hear something to the tune of: "you are wasting our hard earned money on your worthless degrees. you are a complete failure and disappointment. why won't you just commit suicide". My dad [who spent most of his life working as a software engineer] stays out or tacitly agrees with my mom: "You aren't meant for techy things. your brain isn't wired that way. you should have stayed with biology/pre med".
Anyway, is this a fair trade off in exchange for them paying for college? I graduate in May.
Also, will it be terrible to cut my parents out of my life the minute I get self sufficient? I'm an only child. My parents [and I] haven't talked to another family member in around 13 years. My parents have no friends. They can barely tolerate each other. They don't have much in " human bonds", but they are financially set. I'm sure they can pay for their own retirement and funeral expenses.
It sounds like your Mother in general *maybe your Father as well* doesn't know how to interact with people. I would also agree with you, she is trying to live her dream through you. There is not much you can do besides suck it up and wait until you are done with school.
I don't agree with parents dictating a course of study, no matter who is paying for it. I see no reason to cut them out of your life over it though. Let your future success convince them they were wrong.
The sooner you learn that the better off you'll be.
You're getting a free college education. MILLIONS of people would love to be in your position. If your biggest problem in life is a mouthy mother you are a VERY lucky person.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 06-20-2014 at 05:27 PM..
No it isn't fair of your mother to berate you for your choice of major. However, I assume that you are aware that there are many things in life that aren't fair.
Your parents are paying for your education and I hope that you can be grateful for that. You are an adult and you can decide to cut your parents out of your life if you choose to do that. I think that if you choose that route you will regret it but it really is your decision.
One thing that you can do once you graduate is simply tell your parents that your choice of occupation is not up for discussion. And then you have to stick to it. Every time they try to discuss it you need to cut the conversation. They will eventually get it. I assume that once you graduate and have a job you will move out of your parents home. Once you do that I think your relationship will improve.
Soooo...you are considering cutting your parents out of your life....but not until AFTER they finish paying for your college education?
Do they continue to pay for your tuition even though you've changed majors? They either have a sincere discussion with them beginning by thanking them for all they do and then having a discussion about what you would like to do and what your plans are to utilize the course of study you'd like to pursue. An adult discussion, not a whiney-teen discussion. Do your research, keep your cool.
Choice number 2 is to make plans to become self-supporting (including tuition) yourself. Then cut them out or not.
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