Adult child with unrealistic dreams. How do I respond? (children, definition, mother)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
... assuming she gets the food for free, the truck doesn't require gas or insurance, she pays herself no wages, etc. etc.
Its really inexpensive to get started in that business if you are renting the truck. My friends in Portland own Potato Champion. Thst said i recommend coffee truck instead of sandwiches.
I have one daughter, over 35, with a family of her own. She has always had unrealistic expectations of how her life would turn out, and comes up with some (to my mind) outlandish schemes: horse massage therapy - she made about $50 total after I foolishly paid for the course. Then a bakery business that I'm sure lost money.
Now that I live closer, the great thing is that our relationship is growing closer. What I struggle with is how to react when she talks about some scheme that I know is never going to work out. At first I would be 'gently' discouraging. Now I do better by saying " gee, that's interesting, how would you go about getting started with that?"
Her current plan- buy a food truck and serve organic vegan (or something) food. I can hardly hold back from screaming "do you know how many $7.00 sandwiches you have to sell to make payments on a food truck??"
There must be a better way to handle her out-loud dreaming. Any ideas?
It occurs to me that the guy who came up with the idea for Yeti coolers probably seemed like a real idiot.
I can imagine the conversation with his dad going something like this: "What's that son? You want to build super durable, super insulated coolers and sell them for $400? Do you know how many $400 coolers you would have to sell to pay out the molds and forms that you're going to have to make from scratch? Are you going to do the work yourself or are you going to hire people? Do you know anything about closed-cell polyurethane foam? Do ya? No? Jeez! Just shut up and get a real job so you can move out of my basement, ya deadbeat!"
Of course, there WAS a market for super coolers that would support $13 MM in annual revenues and I would have my doubts about a similar market for vegan hot sandwiches.
Yeah, I have an idea that's different from what anyone else here is saying. How about you ask her what her dreams REALLY are? I'd be willing to bet that she doesn't REALLY want to give horses massages, and that she doesn't REALLY want to sell vegan sandwiches out of a food truck. These aren't "dreams", they're ideas about how to make money on her own without being beholden to the craptasmagoria of a job. you can't fault her for that.
Ask her what she REALLY wants to do with her life. Then push her in that direction. I think the reason why her other ideas haven't worked out is because they're not really dreams. Once she gets going with something she truly loves, you won't have to push her... she'll push herself. And she is far more likely to succeed.
I agree, she probably is looking for a way to make money that doens't involve working for "the man."
I probably come across a lot like the OPs daughter because I am always trying to come up with a new business that I can actually make money at. I actually considered a food truck myself for awhile. I guess the main difference is that I have a successful career and work full time at it and I've never asked family for money for a business idea. I have changed my mind many times though; I get interested in something and jump in with both feet pretty often.
At the end of the day, I am looking for a career or business that I can do without feeling like I am going insane. I thought I had found one last year, it was a franchise business that did not seem scamy and I was really excited about it, even though I was also very worried about losing everything I owned. My husband was on board with things, but my parents were such downers about it that I ended up abandoning the idea. I regret it pretty much every day. I wish I had just done it; the only way I make it thorugh the day here at my boring job is by telling myself that I am saving money so that I can open that business in a couple years.
So you've learned your lesson about funding her...As long as you are not financially involved (including supporting her), why not just say "how interesting! I hope it works out well." ?
Not good advice. Because when you respond like than it is very easy for the person to now launch into "it does sound interesting, glad you think it is a good idea, and the reason why I brought it up is I need to ask you about a loan".
Not good advice. Because when you respond like than it is very easy for the person to now launch into "it does sound interesting, glad you think it is a good idea, and the reason why I brought it up is I need to ask you about a loan".
Macie didn't say anything about it being a "good idea". She left it at "interesting". The OP is free to say no to funding, but there's no reason to stop listening to her daughter.
I would suggest some kind of a service or delivery business.
As we get older we need help with daily stuff like organizing ,cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking etc.
Working people could make use of these services too.
Most of these require little start up cash besides advertizing and maybe a web site. And a vehicle.
Im a house cleaner for older folks so I actually do a lot the above.
Not sure of her interests but heres a few business suggestions.
Grocery delivery . Will need web site for ordering and a stores cooperation.
Cook meals in their home . If you use your house I think you need special equipment? Deliver food from local restaurants . Again web site and cooperation .
Organizing /cleaning houses basements garages etc
I don't know if it is typical or not, but a friend who is a substitute teacher also delivers those "freaky fast delivery" sub sandwiches. He says that he makes far more delivering subs on a 4 or 5 hour Friday or Saturday night shift than he does working a full 8 hour day as a sub teacher ($100 in my area).
Perhaps that is something to check out. It isn't your own business but it would bring in extra cash (if that is her main goal).
I have one daughter, over 35, with a family of her own. She has always had unrealistic expectations of how her life would turn out, and comes up with some (to my mind) outlandish schemes: horse massage therapy - she made about $50 total after I foolishly paid for the course. Then a bakery business that I'm sure lost money.
Now that I live closer, the great thing is that our relationship is growing closer. What I struggle with is how to react when she talks about some scheme that I know is never going to work out. At first I would be 'gently' discouraging. Now I do better by saying " gee, that's interesting, how would you go about getting started with that?"
Her current plan- buy a food truck and serve organic vegan (or something) food. I can hardly hold back from screaming "do you know how many $7.00 sandwiches you have to sell to make payments on a food truck??"
There must be a better way to handle her out-loud dreaming. Any ideas?
As long as you aren't funding any of these dreams, what's the big deal? Humor her. If she asks for money, that's when you give her your honest opinion.
Find out when the next casting event for Shark Tank is.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
