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I hate that. I think it's nosy. Like they're going to judge you if you answer the wrong way. Don't you just want to make something up? Something seedy? Can you imagine? "I gas dogs at the shelter"
When someone asks how long we've been married I want to answer "oh no, we're not married. We're just shackin'"
What would you deem an acceptable conversation starter?
What is the fascination with this question? Is it to compare themselves to others? To "one-up" someone subtly? To be sure they're in your socio-economic class? Just to get the conversation flowing?
Yes, perhaps, not necessarily, and yes.
It's a way to get a conversation going, and since people spend a lot of time at their jobs, it's a good way to see if they have anything in common. Not to mention, it's highly unlikely to provide fodder for hatred or awkward moments. I once tried to get a conversation going, with a guy from a business networking group whom I knew was a political candidate for a city office, by asking him what party he belonged to... figuring that anyone in that conservative area who was a businessperson and thought he had a chance at winning an office in the town where we lived had to be Republican. Nope... Democrat. AWK-ward. Even someone else who was with us noticed the awkwardness and was like "well, that sure stopped the conversation now didn't it?" Yeah.
I'm just wondering because to me, it's somewhat annoying.
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Originally Posted by nj21
I'd prefer someone ask me about my hobbies, movies I enjoy, or places I have traveled.
If your hobby is hunting and your conversation partner is a save-the-animals type, automatically it's an awkward moment.
If you like a movie that your conversation partner hated, awkward.
If you haven't traveled anywhere because you really couldn't afford to travel, awkward.
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Originally Posted by nj21
How do you feel about this question? Maybe I'm just overreacting, but it's gotten to the point that I am asked that question so much that it is an instant turn-off and I either say starving artist or still finding out.
Hey, that does break the ice. But I think you're overreacting. People are trying to establish commonality while minimizing the chance for awkwardness.
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Originally Posted by nj21
So again, how do you feel about this question? If you ask, then what is your reason for doing so?
I don't mind this question at all. "I'm a performing musician, along with my wife." It doesn't get any better than that and every asker knows it. Let 'em try to one-up that. They won't be able to. So, in my case, it merely gets the conversation flowing.
I'm amazed that some posters on this thread fear being labelled by their job but have no problem being labelled as nasty and sarcastic. Do you really think that being nasty and sarcastic makes a better first impression?
It's to get an idea of where people are on the social ladder, in relation to us. Also, it can be a good conversation-starter. And it can tell you a lot about the person's interests and talents.
I have been on both the receiving end and the asking end of this question hundreds of times in my life, and never once did the question appear to be asked for any of the three reasons you listed. Never have I given or received a snarky answer to the question. Never did anyone appear to take offense.
In fact, never did anything happen other than a pleasant conversation started! Whatever answer was given always opened the door to other, more intriguing questions, to common ground, mutual connections, etc.
I'm not saying that it is the ONLY or necessarily the FIRST question that has come up in conversation with a person I've just met, but it certainly has come up many, many times in my life. I've lived a lot of places, and apparently no one I've ever met got the memo that this is a rude question.
For those of you who think it is rude, and who think it is cute to give a snarky answer, why would you not reply with a simple, "Oh, that is something I prefer not to discuss." It seems quite ironic that you find it acceptable to respond to unintentional "rudeness" (rude in your opinion) with deliberate, slam-the-door-shut-to-this-conversation, real rudeness.
"Oh, that is something I prefer not to discuss" is the most awkward answer to that question that I can think of. If the conversation continues after that (and that seems a pretty big if unless you change the subject really deftly immediately after saying that), one would have to think that that particular method of non-answer would be on the back of the question asker's mind for the remainder of the conversation. It's more polite than a sarcastic answer, sure, but politeness isn't always the key consideration. Sometimes it is, depending who is being addressed.
Basically the intent, or perceived intent anyway, behind the asking of the question is what matters. You and I have had different experiences regarding the asking of that question...and I've asked it a few times myself, typically if someone references some job activity which hints at what the profession might be, or as a follow-up to being asked it myself (in the estimated 10% of cases that don't fall into the categories mentioned above, heh). I personally used to really, really enjoy being sarcastic, and while I'm not at all what I used to be, it's questions like these that often give me the chance to relive my past sarcastic glories.
"Oh, that is something I prefer not to discuss" is the most awkward answer to that question that I can think of. If the conversation continues after that (and that seems a pretty big if unless you change the subject really deftly immediately after saying that), one would have to think that that particular method of non-answer would be on the back of the question asker's mind for the remainder of the conversation. It's more polite than a sarcastic answer, sure, but politeness isn't always the key consideration. Sometimes it is, depending who is being addressed.
Well, some pleasant variation of that, said with a genuine smile, in my opinion, would be much better than the snide responses I've been reading in this thread.
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Basically the intent, or perceived intent anyway, behind the asking of the question is what matters. You and I have had different experiences regarding the asking of that question...and I've asked it a few times myself, typically if someone references some job activity which hints at what the profession might be, or as a follow-up to being asked it myself (in the estimated 10% of cases that don't fall into the categories mentioned above, heh). I personally used to really, really enjoy being sarcastic, and while I'm not at all what I used to be, it's questions like these that often give me the chance to relive my past sarcastic glories.
And I absolutely agree with the bolded. Perhaps because I couldn't care less about someone's social class, and I'm not the type to try to use someone upon our first meeting, people with whom I converse recognize that I have no ulterior motives behind this question. It truly had never occurred to me that anyone would ask it as a way to determine if the other person was "worth their time." I'm very much a people person, and I love conversing with total strangers, as every person I encounter has experiences, perspectives, and life stories that can enrich and broaden my own views.
Not true. You don't have an accurate interpretation of the concept of what "teasing" is supposed to be. It's supposed to be good natured, not snarky and rude. Unless you're only looking for low self-esteem or low quality girls, that is.
I'm very much a people person, and I love conversing with total strangers, as every person I encounter has experiences, perspectives, and life stories that can enrich and broaden my own views.
If everyone was operating from this mindset, then I wouldn't have a problem with the question we've been discussing...or pretty much any other question....
Since I'm new to town, I usually open conversations with "How long have you been in Tampa?" I don't mind if someone asks me what I do. I answer honestly. For some it's just a conversation starter.
If they are condescending or trying to one up me, I'll know soon enough and the friendship won't blossom.
When someone asks me what I do I usually reply based on my mood and their annoyance factor;
Wouldn't YOU like to know?
Whatever I want!
I observe human behavior and report my findings back to my home planet.
I'm a time traveler, I arrived from the past to meet you in this time...later I'll be in the future.
I do THIS (breath in and then out deeply) and I do other stuff too...
I count stupid questions....one thousand four...
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