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I can't imagine moving/purchasing a home somewhere you've never been before. I would rent there first and see if I liked it. When I was thinking of moving to Houston, I got a temp job and signed an apartment lease for 6 months, while keeping my own place here in case I didn't. Just because a town is small doesn't mean the residents are warm and friendly. There are many small towns especially in the south and the far north, where it's well known they don't like outsiders as much as their own. There are also other places where they do welcome newcomers but are also rural and/or friendly. I moved to the town I live in now because it has a very friendly, corny, Mayberry-ish vibe, vs the town I lived in before, typical suburb 60 minutes north, but completely different vibe. You can't assume all towns in an area have the same type vibe. Try it out first next time. Are you going to stay or look for someone you like better?
I'll share a story from my parent's neighborhood. We had a neighbor move in and we called them "The Smith Family, The New Neighbors". For years we called them "The New Neighbors".
At one point we realized that they had lived there for over 40 years and we still were calling them "The Smith Family -The New Neighbors". Of course, my family has lived there for almost 100 years, the people across the street, one family for 110 years and the other for 85 years, the neighbor up the road for 70 years, another neighbor up the road 90 years, and on and on.
What about the New, new neighbors? If you haven't lived there at least 10 to 20 years not everyone even knows your full name (I'm sort of joking, but not really).
I see that you've listed Durham, NC as place of residence and you think Durham is one of the most conservative counties in NC. You need to get out more. Durham is a veritable hotbed of liberal hippies compared to some communities in NC.
I'm not sure what you are doing to pi$$ people off, but I'm guessing it isn't the clean shirt and smile. By any chance, have you mentioned to the locals how "worldly" you are?
I'm still stuck on that the sex statement. By any chance, have your romantic overtures to others been poorly received? Perhaps that's the source of the visible anger amongst the women folk
Before you move, and I strongly encourage you to do so as North Carolina does not seem to be a good fit, might I suggest meeting with a therapist to hash out some of these issues.
Durham's pretty gangsta.. Rural Durham has alot of racist old southern people, lol. But, RDU growth has blown up in the past however many years, so plenty has changed.. Durham hosts alot of cool art/music/sports events, if you're into that.. Same w/ Chapel Hill and Raleigh- close enough commute. And there are vegans everywhere, lol.
I feel for ya. It's hard to be progressive in some neighborhoods. I just checked Meetup for Durham and it seems like you have some options there to make friends, especially if you're interesting in certain sports activities like biking, fitness walking, or kayaking. There is an over-50 singles social group that does things like dining and going to movies and a group called "Sushi, Saki, and Beyond" that meets several times a month to sample ethnic foods. That sounds pretty worldly. There is a meditation and reiki group and two book clubs in Cary looking for new members.
I would also recommend doing some volunteer work for the Democratic Party. The candidates are probably never going to win, but it would give you the opportunity to meet with people who have somewhat thoughts to the left of Liddy Dole. Check out MoveOn, too. You can register online and they'll send you invitations to political events at people's homes in your area. I got to meet a lot of like-minded people in Arizona that way. I also find the public library to be a place of interest. Sometimes chess clubs, Scrabble groups, garden clubs, etc., meet at the public library.
I know I'm just in a stage ... or I hope so, but any suggestions when reading this?
That part of NC is what it is. If it's not your thing, best shake the dust off your sandals and move to some place that is your thing. Life's too short.
Thanks everyone for your comments.
Good food for thought all around.
I have to admit that the ones about being a "Vegan" read the craziest to me...
Quote:
Originally Posted by theoldnorthstate
in that case being a vegan is probably the worst of it.
What the heck does being a vegan, vegetarian, omnivore, or hebivore have to do with anything?
If your wife, mother, or best friend came down with a stomach illness and had to stop eating dairy, would that suddenly change who they were?
Carl: "Oh my gawd, momma can't eat dairy any more!
Thelma: "OH NO... we're going to have to quit gong to church. She's going to start smoking meth, staying out all night, and voting Communist."
Really?
Last edited by veganwriter; 07-28-2014 at 06:27 PM..
But since I posted the question, I began thinking...
Midlife kinda beat the brakes off my, "All or Nothing" thinking... and travel shows me that wherever I go... there I am...
So it's more an issue of, "inner work"?
At least that's the direction I'm going to take for now.
No one has shown up with tar and feathers yet, so it's really about what thoughts I think... what's going on inside my own head.
I've been doing some YouTube marathons about, "Being" ... and we'll just say, "spiritual stuff."
Me thinks a lot of it is about being centered in my own sense of "love."
That is what I told myself why I moved here... to heal from the turmoil of urban life, and to try and fall in love with myself again.
"Misery Loves Company" everywhere.
Irrational jealousy is everywhere.
Bullies and dunderheads are -- everywhere.
So, it's more about how much attention I give them, and being satisfied with the fact that it's okay not to fit here. Perhaps if I can condition my thinking to be okay here, I'll be okay with whatever is going on wherever I move to next? ((chuckle))
While I'm at home, it's peaceful. I want to enjoy that some more.
I was out on my riding mower the other day... and I took a break from the confusion in my own head and looked around. I used to PAY to drive out to national parks to see all this "greenery" ... utterly beautiful.
I guess I'll have to just search harder to find some meditation sits to still my mind. (I think a lot of people who live out in the country all their lives let nature do its work on them without much over-thinking it.)
The world is our mirror.
Think I'll turn my towards myself more... clean it... and appreciate what I see more.
Being right with self does a LoT.
Thanks everyone for your comments.
Good food for thought all around.
I have to admit that the ones about being a "Vegan" read the craziest to me...
What the heck does being a vegan, vegetarian, omnivore, or hebivore have to do with anything?
If your wife, mother, or best friend came down with a stomach illness and had to stop eating dairy, would that suddenly change who they were?
Carl: "Oh my gawd, momma can't eat dairy any more!
Thelma: "OH NO... we're going to have to quit gong to church. She's going to start smoking meth, staying out all night, and voting Communist."
Really?
it was a polite way of saying that you apparently are not partaking of the bar b que and local culture. it was in reference to the previous posts which listed some of your personal aspects which seem not to apply where you live, hence it must be not partaking that could be your stumbling block. Nothing more than that.
Last edited by theoldnorthstate; 07-30-2014 at 09:34 AM..
theoldnorthstate ... I have NO idea what you mean.
Are you saying that since YOU THINK I don't "partake" of Bar-B-Que... THAT'S MY PROBLEM??
Really?
Seriously... that's the depth of your thinking around this???
Allow me to come clean.
Life is not static and neither am I.
When I opened this account, I was a vegan.
Then I moved to DC -- a classic meat and potatoes town at the time. I began to fear that I would starve to death. (There's only so many potato chips and fries you can eat...)
I've kept the account here on City-Data ... but since I moved here ... at no time has anyone asked me what my diet was.
Really.
I swear.
Scouts honor.
((LMAO))
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Thanks everyone
