Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm not saying you should "bail out" people who make poor financial choices.
The OP never answered the question at to how old is this person.
And I wouldn't worry about the OP taking on any responsibility if and when this relative is unable to care for themselves.
There is some underlying resentment here, the comments about "she has a four year degree, I barely got out of HS" says a lot.
A person doesn't have to have "underlying resentment" to point out why someone is not helpless. Nobody is happier than I am that they have a degree. I'll be even happier when they start using it.
Anyone who has read my posts on this thread can see that I'm far from resentful. I'd just like to live in peace without being expected to rescue my family members who willingly put themselves in adverse situations. This is not an isolated occurrence.
Whether or not it will be my responsibility to take care of this family member when they can't take care of themselves is another issue entirely. Perhaps I'll bring that up when (or if) that happens. Right now, they CAN take care of themselves, so that's what they will need to do for the time being.
The person is 95 years old. There. You have an age.
Thank you for posting.
Last edited by ScoopSeeker; 09-06-2014 at 04:47 PM..
A person doesn't have to have "underlying resentment" to point out why someone is not helpless. Nobody is happier than I am that they have a degree. I'll be even happier when they start using it.
Anyone who has read my posts on this thread can see that I'm far from resentful. I'd just like to live in peace without being expected to rescue my family members who willingly put themselves in adverse situations. This is not an isolated occurrence.
Whether or not it will be my responsibility to take care of this family member when they can't take care of themselves is another issue entirely. Perhaps I'll bring that up when (or if) that happens. Right now, they CAN take care of themselves, so that's what they will need to do for the time being.
The person is 95 years old. There. You have an age.
Thank you for posting.
Your words "This person has a 4-year college degree. I graduated high school by the skin of my teeth (after having to go to summer school)"....you're resentful whether you admit or not.
I bet you walked to school, uphill both ways.
Have seen it myself. "Well you went to college don't why don't you know that". As if getting a four year degree means you have the knowledge of the universe or it guarantees a good paying job.
Lot's of people walking around who think anyone who has more of an education than they do, resent it, I could understand if someone brags about it or uses it to put others down, but I get the feeling you resent her for that and think how can anyone who went to college find themselves in this position.
Well maybe her degree is a useless one like a major in 18th century English literature.
A place to live obviously. I see so many "swag" guys who drive a Mustang or BMW, anyway really expensive cars but they still live with their parents. You know, you could spend the 50K and rent an apartment ..but that's just me.
I'm not saying you should "bail out" people who make poor financial choices.
The OP never answered the question at to how old is this person.
And I wouldn't worry about the OP taking on any responsibility if and when this relative is unable to care for themselves.
There is some underlying resentment here, the comments about "she has a four year degree, I barely got out of HS" says a lot.
What does age have anything to do with this situation? It does not matter because the scenario could be the same for someone who is 15/25/35/ 115, etc.
Why are you stuck on the whole age thing?
There is no resentment that I see, unless she is finally starting to resent the fact that the relatives expect her to clean up after them but don't take responsibility for their own actions and acknowledge that they themselves caused the issue in the first place.
Yeah, I'd get pretty resentful about that issue as well especially if it continued to happen over and over.
Your words "This person has a 4-year college degree. I graduated high school by the skin of my teeth (after having to go to summer school)"....you're resentful whether you admit or not.
Getting a college education, is about much more than earning a big paycheck. The ability to obtain a college degree shows (at the very least) that you are able to comprehend, retain and recall information at an advanced level. Haven't you noticed that most companies that require a college education aren't even that picky about what the degree is in? That's because (at the end of the day) it doesn't matter. They'll have to train you anyway. What they are after is a proven ability to comprehend, retain and recall information.
There's nothing wrong this person's mind. They are capable of making good decisions when they have to. This is a textbook example of wanting to have your cake and eat it to. I could have let this person move in with me, but that would have just moved the problem into my home. And the previous poster was correct. It probably would have taken an act of Congress to get her out of here.
No. I'm not resentful nor do I begrudge her getting a education. But I will hold this person accountable for what I know they are capable of. At least in regards to the option of setting up camp in my apartment. I have to leave the house to change my mind as it is.
I'm not envious of anyone who went to college. Nor do I believe that all people are resentful of others who are more educated than they are. Mentioning someone's level of education in comparison to your own is not necessarily because of resentment.
As far as "climbing up hill both ways", I'm not sure what you mean by that... but okay.
Thank you for posting and providing your point of view.
What does age have anything to do with this situation? It does not matter because the scenario could be the same for someone who is 15/25/35/ 115, etc.
Why are you stuck on the whole age thing?
There is no resentment that I see, unless she is finally starting to resent the fact that the relatives expect her to clean up after them but don't take responsibility for their own actions and acknowledge that they themselves caused the issue in the first place.
Yeah, I'd get pretty resentful about that issue as well especially if it continued to happen over and over.
Thank you, CD. In my opinion, when the car got repo'd the first time, she should have let them have it. Now that thing is just a drain on her finances and her peace of mind.
A place to live obviously. I see so many "swag" guys who drive a Mustang or BMW, anyway really expensive cars but they still live with their parents. You know, you could spend the 50K and rent an apartment ..but that's just me.
In certain circles, not having a car and using public transportation is stigmatized. I believe that people get and keep cars that they cannot afford for 2 reasons:
1. They are addicted to the convenience.
2. Their pride won't allow them to be seen waiting on a bus.
I know that age and health problems have been mentioned a lot on this thread. I think that public transportation is safer for elderly people than driving on the road with some of these maniacs. You need cat-like reflexes to avoid being killed during rush hour.
And if you are sick and clutching a car that is making it hard for you to get your prescriptions filled or keep good, healthy food in the house; you might need to reconsider your priorities. There are MANY seniors who ride the bus in my city. And they aren't all poor either. I see them ride together to Wal-Mart to do their weekly grocery shopping, then they pile up in a cab to go back home. Now that's the life.
Have a good evening and thank you for responding.
Last edited by ScoopSeeker; 09-06-2014 at 07:00 PM..
I'm not saying you should "bail out" people who make poor financial choices.
The OP never answered the question at to how old is this person.
And I wouldn't worry about the OP taking on any responsibility if and when this relative is unable to care for themselves.
There is some underlying resentment here, the comments about "she has a four year degree, I barely got out of HS" says a lot.
But she didn't need to disclose her exact age. She said in her OP that she has a pension and Social Security.
She may have gotten an early pension somewhere around 55. NORMALLY, you don't get one until 65. It all depends but that's the ballpark average. At the phone company with 30 years you can start collecting or take a lump sum at around 55. OR you get a deferred vested pension that isn't available until age 65. Other jobs like police or politicians or other people might get it vested sooner say, after 20 years. She obviously is COLLECTING so it's FIXED now and won't change much.
Social Security you cannot collect until age 62 and it's penalized if you do so take it that young, you collect LESS than if you wait. Unless you qualify for a Social Security Disability.
So I'd say she's over 62.
What does it matter? She doesn't work and the OP didn't state she needed a car to get to work.
She chose to buy a car with payments on THAT particular income and if she intended to work she would have to juggle the rules with Social Security about how much you can work part time yada yada.
We have apartments here in my area of FL starting very LOW at around 400.00 for seniors. And free bus. So I'm pretty sure I'll never be evicted with a Social Security around 2600 (the max) or whatever even if I had no savings or pension. I own my own condo but just sayin...
It's also possible this lady did not pay into SS enough to collect "the max" and is collecting less that many people. Which makes her decisions even worse, IMO. Alot of people work part time or have employment gaps their whole lives so they collect less Social Security. OR WORK UNDER THE TABLE.
If this lady has NO other relatives, I'd bet a dollar the OP WOULD facilitate whatever she needed to do to get her the help she needed if she had to go to a medicaid home or whatever.
But this was a choice not an unforseeable emergency like a brain tumor or whatnot.
I mean seriously. WHY should a person give UP their entire lives/peace of mind and be aggravated having to live with someone.... to let a roommate in who has shown bad judgement just "because"? It's not like they're YOUNG and it's TEMPORARY. It only gets "worse".
Ever see that movie Pacific Heights? They couldn't even get the psychopath out of their rental apartment LOL.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
, I agree she doesn't need a car.
