U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 09-10-2014, 04:36 PM
Location: South Florida
1,007 posts, read 863,085 times
Reputation: 1562


I have received some gifts I didn't like. Some I returned, like clothes, I just said it wasn't my size. Some I kept. One particularly ugly decorative plate was "accidentally" broken by the cat. But, none of this stuff was very expensive. I don't think any family or friends would ever buy me expensive jewelry. My spouse would take me to the store and have me pick out something.

I guess it depends on the relationship. If it is a spouse and you know they would rather you return the gift and get what you want, then OK. If you are not married yet, then maybe it's better to keep it. If it is your child, definitely keep it! Any other relationship... I only know I would feel quite awkward.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 09-11-2014, 01:21 AM
3,947 posts, read 4,112,890 times
Reputation: 4711
Originally Posted by diddlydudette View Post
What would you do if your spouse/good friend/family member spent a lot of effort and time into getting you something they thought that you would absolutely love. They were excited for the time that you would open up the gift and be surprised and excited to get such a nice gift from them. Their heart was really in it from picking it out, to wrapping it and signing the card.

Then you open it and for whatever reason it's not your style or you just dislike the piece.

Let's say the piece of jewelry cost around $500.00. Your spouse/good friend/family member tells you if you don't like it that you can exchange it for something you like better.

Would you trade it in for something you like better? Or would you behave as if you love it because you know the time and effort that went into picking out the gift and you know a lot of heart went into it and it would break you spouse/good friend/family member's heart if you traded it in?

Or would you think that if they spend that much for a nice gift that they would probably want you to have something that you enjoy wearing and you'd trade it in for something you prefer to wear?

Personally I'd keep it and wear it proudly. Id' be afraid if I traded it in it might burst their bubble and they might not be so inclined to make that type of purchase for me anymore. It's more important for me to have something they picked out for me than to chance breaking their heart. It would mean the world to me to have that piece no matter how much I hated it as long as it wasn't a large donkey 8 inches in diameter pendant hanging on a chain. Oh heck, I'd still keep it and wear it.
If it's an S.O., depends on how I feel about him? If it's my family member, I usually keep the jewelry.

If I'm not looking to get serious with the guy, I will tell him I appreciate the gift, but will adamantly get him to return the present, and then slowly express why I don't think we would work out.

I don't like the thought of stringing someone along, and I don't want to keep an expensive present that makes me feel obligated in some way..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-11-2014, 09:55 PM
479 posts, read 675,224 times
Reputation: 383
Originally Posted by chrissycs View Post
Doh! This happened to me with my ENGAGEMENT RING!!!! We had looked at rings together, so he thought he knew what I liked, but somehow got it completely wrong. Completely. I wanted a simple solitaire ring with a little bit of filagree. He got me a complicated, overdone solitaire ring (Tacori).

I agreed to wear it for awhile before deciding definitively. I now LOVE the ring. It's not my taste, really. But it is very much who HE is. And that's why I love it. And I get compliments on it everywhere I go.

A dear friend and his wife gave me a bracelet a couple of weekends ago. I don't really wear bracelets. And I'm not sure I would have picked out this particular one for myself. But it is tasteful and simple, and I LOVE my friend, so I LOVE the bracelet and have not taken it off.
I didn't like my engagement ring when I first got it either. I wanted an emerald ring with diamond accents. I got a princess cut diamond. I still don't really like it, but I know it was expensive and my husband's style. My husband's friend's wives all have similar rings. Come to think of it, my husband has never bought me anything emerald. He knows I love them. I just grin and bear it, because I can pass them on when I die. I don't wear jewelry often.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-11-2014, 10:56 PM
Location: california
5,625 posts, read 4,849,575 times
Reputation: 6614
One could learn how to make jewelry and modify the gift to fit.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-12-2014, 10:40 AM
Location: Colorado
11,640 posts, read 7,203,216 times
Reputation: 20957
Giving and receiving gifts is another social area that can be more complex than it seems on the surface, IMO. I try to be somewhat sensitive to the way things stand with the giver, if I'm receiving a gift.

I have some family members for whom the giving is a really big deal, it's more about them, and they need a lot of validation in general. Not only do you have to love it, they will bring it up 20 years later and expect you to remember it and still love it. If you die, 50 years after the fact, that piece of jewelry had BETTER be in your jewelry box for them to reclaim because it was worth a lot of money. (Not even kidding, my Grandma acted crazy over bits of jewelry when my Great Aunt -her sister- passed on. Making me search her condo for this and that thing she'd given her decades ago and wanted back.)

Then I have more reasonable relatives of a completely different mindset that would keep the receipt and fully expect me to return anything I didn't love. They'd never spend so much money as to make me feel overwhelmed. But if, say, I let them know my son needed a costly new musical instrument to continue with his Orchestra after several years of playing, they would then spend the money on something that really matters. I much prefer their approach, obviously.

I think that couples should communicate a lot, and men trying to impress women with fancy expensive gifts had better know what the wife's preferences are. Or ask, if you must. But it's better if you remember when she tells you. The most meaningful thing a guy can do is know the little things that he remembered a woman loves and give them unexpectedly. Unless she is a high maintenance diva, the little things will mean a lot. I'd much rather my husband recalled some particular soda (Stewart's Lime to be precise) or hard to find candy bar, and bought it for me when he sees it, than give me a big flashy expensive hunk of gold and diamond because "chicks like this sort of thing, right?" Not this one. I'm with Stagemomma in my preference for handcrafted silver actually.

The challenge I find when gifting men is that they often have hobby interests not shared by the wife. Remembering one likes a particular little thing is not the same as expecting her to become an expert in golf or fishing or hot rods, motorcycles or Nascar collectibles and not only learning what items are good but also what he's already got...and gift cards are kind of lame because a lot of guys hate to shop. I think the best gift I can give my husband is either something handmade, a sexy outfit for ME to wear, or the best of both worlds...handcrafted lingerie? lol Guys, you're not the only ones who have it tough in the world of getting the right gift...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-13-2014, 04:38 PM
1,190 posts, read 1,417,871 times
Reputation: 2466
It's happened to me. All gifts from my family. I can only think of one piece I would have picked out for myself. I wear them with a smile because I know when they saw the jewelry, something about it made them want me to wear it. So I do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-13-2014, 08:48 PM
Location: Georgia
4,560 posts, read 4,065,612 times
Reputation: 15762
We have a particular jewelry store that we have been going to for years. About a month before my birthday, anniversary or the holidays, I'll wander by and pick out two or three items that I particularly like. The store owner remembers. :-) Then, when husband comes in, he and the store owner spend a half hour talking sports, and then the owner will mention that I was in "a few weeks ago" and seemed to particularly like -- ta, da! -- these items . . . Husband will either choose one of them, or something else that is similar. I trust the jeweler -- he knows what I like. :-)

Win-win. :-) He has done the same, too, when he was looking for a nice watch.

When my husband and I were first engaged, he was determined that I should have a platinum band -- even though all of my jewelry up to that point was gold, and I was rather thinking that gold would be nice . . . but nothing in gold suited him. As someone mentioned, I realized later that his mother's ring is platinum, and to him, that is what an engagement ring should be. My mother's was gold. I love my platinum wedding set. :-)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-14-2014, 02:57 AM
Location: Texas
43,427 posts, read 52,413,699 times
Reputation: 70393
I would keep it.
Not because I was trying to spare their feelings.
But because if they really put all that time and effort and thought, that means much more to me than how much I actually like the piece.

Besides, I don't think I have ever really seen a piece of jewelry that was so offensive that I HATED it...not one that anyone who knew me well enough to spend $500 would think I'd like.

(In fact, people who know me well know I like watches and not jewelry.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-14-2014, 04:33 AM
Location: Europe
2,730 posts, read 2,073,761 times
Reputation: 4158
I would say I don't like that style of jewellery to not get more of them. But they know what I like, we tell those things.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-14-2014, 07:36 AM
Location: Loudon, TN
5,645 posts, read 4,760,087 times
Reputation: 18885
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
I would keep it.
Not because I was trying to spare their feelings.
But because if they really put all that time and effort and thought, that means much more to me than how much I actually like the piece.
This is what I don't get...how much time. effort, and thought could have gone into something you really don't like and is not your style. The time and effort should go into ascertaining what you like, and buying that. To simply pick out something that THEY like or they THINK you like shows no real effort to me. Before I would spend several hundred dollars on jewelry for someone, I would take the time to notice if they wore silver or gold, diamonds or colored stones, if they wore a watch or not, if they seemed to like dangly earrings or skipped earrings altogether. I would listen to them when we window-shopped, etc.

About 2 years ago my 87 year old MIL gave me a hideous cocktail ring, it had been hers and she wanted me to have it. I thanked her profusely, the ring had several diamonds, including a half carat center stone. The ring was far too small, so I said that I would have to have it re-sized and put it away. About a year later she told me that she had the stone set in that ring because when her mother gave it to her it was in a setting that was not her style, "too ugly" she said. She told me that, if I wanted, I should have it reset in a ring that worked for me because the stone was from her grandmother's engagement ring! I did that recently and now proudly wear the old mine diamond, which has been in my DH's family for 120 years, in a setting that I consider beautiful. MIL is happy, and I am thrilled.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:33 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top