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I hope your sister is successful with the litigation. She may need a statement from you. Punks are punks and once mom is gone he will find someone else to suck dry.
If he is doing what you say he's doing, he is embezzling and he is committing elder abuse, both are probably felonies. I will take a wild guess and surmise there are some drugs involved in his lifestyle.
Preying on the elderly is crime for the depraved. When it's your own mother it's an even worse sin.
Sounds like prison is where he should be, among his own kind.
As others have said, we all need to make our way to deleting the abusers from our lives.
It will not get better. They will not have an Awakening and discover they are cowardly thugs and small time terrorists and miraculously decide they should change, be nice, and turn their lives into a Jimmy Stewart movie.
They feed off the abuse and get energy from abusing others. They are vampires.
You are SO right. The problem is he calls me from my Mothers house, that way I think its my Mother calling. I should have hung up on him but I ended up threatening him, I told him he could either let me speak with my MOm or I would have ONE MORE thing to talk to the judge about. I wanted to check and see if she was OK.
My daughter was the one who answered the phone, thinking she was going to get to talk with my Mom.
ya i need to talk on this subject my cousin used to be relatively easy to get along with but as i have hung out with her more and go closer i have noticed that she is very verbally abusive and cutting in things she says and finally tonight she completely crossed the line which is making me to consider cutting all ties with her
ya i need to talk on this subject my cousin used to be relatively easy to get along with but as i have hung out with her more and go closer i have noticed that she is very verbally abusive and cutting in things she says and finally tonight she completely crossed the line which is making me to consider cutting all ties with her
I too have a cousin like this. She is so harsh to my aged grandmother that I have pulled her behind the barn more than once. If only the law would recognize the right to dispose of two legged varmints. Consequently I don't get to see my granny as much as I need to. My "cousin" lives right next to her so being around her is unavoidable on visits. . If my financial situation keeps improving like it is I am considering asking my granny if she would like to come live with us. I would like nothing more than to get her out of that situation.
People do what you allow them. Your sister needs to try talking to me like that and she will get her feelings hurt something serious. What you need to do is say the most hateful thing possible to get her shook to the point of tears and maybe once you've hurt her the same way she hurts you, she'll know how you feel and get it together. It worked for a few family members of mine and now they know not to cross me because I'll spit that venom.
I would love to, but what about Mom? Do I just make her keep me private?
I think so. Your mother obviously tolerates abuse, she tolerated it for herself and she has allowed your sister to abuse you because your mother thinks it's normal.
Just tell your mother your thoughts, that you love her but you want nothing to do with your sister, that's it's a toxic relationship and you want out.
So yes, tell your mom that you will continue to have a relationship with only her, and to leave your sister out of your life.
I've been verbally abused as a kid by my mother who was too by her mother when she was a kid and now I struggle with being verbally abusive towards my aging father. I wouldn't describe myself as being 'evil' but I guess this is something bad I learned long ago and need to work on which is easier said than done of course. Probably most of the time I have no idea of the hurtful things that come out of my mouth but they do. Not making excuses for myself but I can trace this maladaptive behavior going back at least 100 years in my family as it was passed down from 1 person to another and I would not describe my grandmother, mother, or myself as 'bad' people but we do express ourselves inapropriately. Other than my father I do not talk badly to people because I know they will not put up with the nonsense and if my father was to hold up a mirror and echo back to me the things I sometimes say I would no doubt be horrified by myself
I've been verbally abused as a kid by my mother who was too by her mother when she was a kid and now I struggle with being verbally abusive towards my aging father. I wouldn't describe myself as being 'evil' but I guess this is something bad I learned long ago and need to work on which is easier said than done of course. Probably most of the time I have no idea of the hurtful things that come out of my mouth but they do. Not making excuses for myself but I can trace this maladaptive behavior going back at least 100 years in my family as it was passed down from 1 person to another and I would not describe my grandmother, mother, or myself as 'bad' people but we do express ourselves inapropriately. Other than my father I do not talk badly to people because I know they will not put up with the nonsense and if my father was to hold up a mirror and echo back to me the things I sometimes say I would no doubt be horrified by myself
Wow! I have to say, it took alot of guts to be so candid...it sounds like you are moving in the right direction by admitting you think you need to change your behavior.
You know, do not do what I did for 30 years and that is say nothing in the hopes that some day the abuser will wake up and treat you with respect. They won't. They feel power when they feel they can bully you around. I wish I had woke up much, much sooner. I cannot tell you how satisfied I am that my half-brother and his brood are totally out of my life. I don't hate them...I just reject them totally now. They just are not important to me and my life anymore.
How did you do it ? How did you finally realize you could no longer ever reach them with the truth of the matter & move on?
I have a Narcissistic mother- now grandmother to my daughter now who was brainwashed into thinking I was totally evil... I never see my 4 yr old grandson, I am told I need a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist says its not just my fault but I was wanting to end my living hell, so I found help.
I just feel like running away, far far away & changing my name & finding a new life, without my past which I cannot change nor can I survive in it..
How did you "ignore" blood relatives & forget in order to live your happy good life?
I reserve the right to hang up on rude people. I reserve to speak my mind when insulted. I reserve the right to chuckle at siblings whose lives are a total shamble, because they've spent their lives being rude, manipulate, hateful, arrogant and say, "Yeah...huhuhu..thanks for the advice, it's worked so well for you, eh?" Oh....LOL "Kiss my a$$" works too! hehe. No, seriously, speak your mind, it's your right. I'd let sis know that IYHO, and from your constant observations of her behavior, she is a miserable, mean, rude human being and you don't associate with that type of people." My hubby and I have many siblings each....there are only a few whom we associate with. Our home, our rules....we will not have our children thinking that they have to willingly associate with horrible people. You can't choose your relatives, but you can choose your friends. When you do spend time with your mom, and Ms. Obnoxious is there and being rude...pretend she's invisible. I have an evil brother, in his 60's who lives off of my mother....I use to rise to his bait, but graduated into dismissing his advice with facts.....then moved on to simply not "seeing or hearing" him. After a couple of visits, he learned to simply go find something else to do while we were visiting! I know that sounds cold....but he's about as evil as they get.
Not to worry there is hope, for you. Your approaching that crucial moment when you break free. Don't give your Mother, free reign to influence your child further embittering you. I had to break free from the narcissism BP disorder, I only wish I'd done it much sooner. The entire family is toxic. After all the damage she'd done, my family actually thought I would help care for her in her elderly years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karie5744
How did you do it ? How did you finally realize you could no longer ever reach them with the truth of the matter & move on?
I have a Narcissistic mother- now grandmother to my daughter now who was brainwashed into thinking I was totally evil... I never see my 4 yr old grandson, I am told I need a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist says its not just my fault but I was wanting to end my living hell, so I found help.
I just feel like running away, far far away & changing my name & finding a new life, without my past which I cannot change nor can I survive in it..
How did you "ignore" blood relatives & forget in order to live your happy good life?
Karen
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. Consequently I don't get to see my granny as much as I need to. My "cousin" lives right next to her so being around her is unavoidable on visits. 
. If my financial situation keeps improving like it is I am considering asking my granny if she would like to come live with us. I would like nothing more than to get her out of that situation.
