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My family lives across the country, and that's just my sister, so my past few Thanksgivings have been a small Thanksgiving dinner with one of my best friends. His parents always go away from Thanksgiving so he and I just have a relaxing time with us and our dogs. I actually make the turkey. The past couple of years another friend has joined us. This year we've rented a cabin in the mountains for Thanksgiving weekend. We have sort of made it our own "family" Thanksgiving.
Every year I politely turn down one or more of your invitations by saying that I have "plans".
Actually that is how it is supposed to work without any bitterness for the invite. If you prefer to stay home or your own agenda/company for the day those of us that host "orphan" events would prefer that you don't attend out of any sense of obligation. Nothing worse than a bad, better than the proceedings, bored, or entitled guests. The invite is for people that prefer some company and community on a normally "family" holiday, not a plot to force people to join in.
My family/friends are all "over" the turkey, the overeating, the football, the parades so this is our second year traveling to a southern beach town and a rented villa with a private pool/hot tub, shrimp on the grill, easy times. No drama.
BTW, I never make anyone cook when I host guests, nor do I ask for dishes to be brought being a person that loves to cook and is good at it. If someone brings a dish I serve it but I never ask, ever. IMO that is being a bad host.
I think it's just the 'idea' of being with family during the holidays. It's compounded with the commercialization of the holidays that pushes this false ideal. So everyone starts feeling a little anxious if they don't have family to spend it with.
I would rather have the holidays for my husband and I to travel once in awhile, but I know both sides of the family wouldn't forgive us and would show it in passive aggressive ways.
If you are estranged from family and have no friends, I think the problem is probably a bit bigger than where to spend the holidays.
That's not fair and does not apply to all.
My family is all dead, my kids and ex-wife were killed in a car accident years ago. The job I had until I retired a few months ago, limited the number of people I would associate with, and for many years I was moving from state-to-state or even to other countries. And the job was not what many would consider to be a job where friends are made.
The friends I do have live far away, the closest is about 500 miles while most are over 1500. So for TG and Christmas, I get big juicy steaks, a packaged salad, a good movie and sit and eat while my Malamutes goes crazy with the smells. Before dinner, the dogs get a nice long walk, but that happens every day so it is not a big thing.
There are many people in this world without family and without any local friends. That does not denote they have a problem like you assume.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
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I'm probably going to spend most of Thanksgiving weekend working on a final paper for grad school, if I'm not invited somewhere. My mom wanted to come to DC for thanksgiving but I was honest and told her I'd rather have her here for Christmas when there is no assignment hanging over my head.
It doesn't cost that much to buy a box of stovetop stuffing and a few slices of turkey. If the OP were to fix her own meal, despite the fact she sounds to lazy to do anything on her own behalf, then she and the housemates could have leftovers for days.
But her problem seems to come from the fact that she's let herself become socially isolated and doesn't know what to do.
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