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Ok, I have severe RA--rheumatoid arthritis. I've had it for about 30 years, and its put me through some bad times. I've had multiple joint replacements, had to take a stint of disability leave, and in general it has made comprimises in my life. However, I've always landed on my feet. I've always paid all my own medical bills and other expenses, and have really depended on others very little. I do find, though, that people like to exaggerate a situation and their role in it, so they can complain about what a "burden" you are to them.
Over the years, I've turned to family very little, if at all. I had an aunt in Houston I stayed with maybe a total of 6 nights, not consecutive, just 1-2 nights while in town for medical care. And those 6 nights were over a period of 30+ years! I spent more time---and money---in hotels just because I got the distinct impression they were being two-faced----oh, anytime, anything we can do, our door is always open. Then, I would hear 2nd hand that I was "always" hitting them up for "help" wanting to stay with them, borrowing money----I NEVER borrowed a single cent from them! But it makes a good story!
Well, I have a cousin who bugs the crap out of me. Every time she calls, every single time, she always says "are you alright"? or I haven't heard from you in awhile, just calling to see if you're ok. Yes, I'm ok, how about you? Are you ok? Like she's trying to keep that myth going----that I'm the family panhandler, always looking for someone to sponge off of!
I've tried putting it back in her lap---how are YOU? Are YOU alright? But she still doesn't seem to get it Look, if I did have a problem, I certainly wouldn't turn to them, anyways. I sometimes feel she is playing to a background audience, like her husband. Oh, I have to return Mary's phone call---when I probably hadn't called----then says later to her husband, well, you know, that's her, always wanting us to "help" but, like I keep telling her, we have our own constraints, can't help, but she keeps calling................
i'm so fed up with that patronizing crap! I've just stopped calling and correspond via email, she will probably make something of that, too, but at least I don't have to hear it!
So, how would you respond? I'm NOT looking for someone to inflict myself on, I've NEVER asked for money, seldom asked for a small favor, others ask for much more, but because I have a disabling condition, I'm looking for someone to be a burden on, and they'd best stay out of the way. I'm sick of them dancing around a scenario that only exists in their imagination. So, perhaps just cut off any relationship with this cousin because all she does is annoy me
There's nothing you can do to keep your family or this cousin from talking (false) sh** about you. What you can do is stop talking to her, so her ability to annoy you is greatly reduced. Are you 100% sure she's not genuine in her concern for you? If so, you already know what top do!
There's nothing you can do to keep your family or this cousin from talking (false) sh** about you. What you can do is stop talking to her, so her ability to annoy you is greatly reduced. Are you 100% sure she's not genuine in her concern for you? If so, you already know what top do!
No, she has no concern for me. She's just afraid I might hit her up for something. Time and again we've had plans to meet, she always cancels at the last minute. She loves to brag about how successful her dh is---partner at a law firm, etc, etc, they're always buying some new, expensive toy----car, boat, furniture, etc, etc.......she's all hogwash! She's afraid it will backfire and poor little ML will come begging for some of her largess, then she will be exposed for the fraud she really is. I've never once been to her house, we usually just meet at the mall or somewhere. She likes to paint a picture of herself as the Grande Dame, but then lives in fear of exposure.
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Truth be known I'm much more financially solvent than she is
No, she has no concern for me. She's just afraid I might hit her up for something. Time and again we've had plans to meet, she always cancels at the last minute. She loves to brag about how successful her dh is---partner at a law firm, etc, etc, they're always buying some new, expensive toy----car, boat, furniture, etc, etc.......she's all hogwash! She's afraid it will backfire and poor little ML will come begging for some of her largess, then she will be exposed for the fraud she really is. I've never once been to her house, we usually just meet at the mall or somewhere. She likes to paint a picture of herself as the Grande Dame, but then lives in fear of exposure.
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Truth be known I'm much more financially solvent than she is
If you're sure, I say just ignore her calls, If she calls, don't bother with answering. Or, just tell her off. Just say "I don't need anything from you, and have no intention of coming to you for anything, so please stop with the pity calls."
I just go ignore, depending on who I am dealing with though. If it's someone stubborn, then talking with them does no good because hey're always right and justified. lol
As for would it annoy me. Maybe. Lots of things annoy me. lol
1. Women and girls asking if I have a boyfriend, then wanting to ask "Why" when I tell them no.
2. People just blurting out and asking what my ethnicity is. Most have no clue
3. People making small talk and wanting to "catch up" knowing full well they don't give a damn about me. Move on with the fake niceness.
4. People calling me "hun", "sweetie" or any other names that sound condescending.
5. Compliments from other women & family. I don't take them seriously, so they count for nothing.
6. My father wanting to horse around with me
7. My grandfather talking baby talk to me. I never speak to him if I can help it, since he seems to love messing around as if I am 2.
etc.
Last edited by HappyRain; 01-30-2015 at 10:32 PM..
Sad, because she is one of my few relatives I still have a relationship with. Others have either died, or just faded away. I valued the relationship because she is the last person I can share a memory with. However, we can't live in the past. she's literally bugging the crap out of me! Its not just that patronizing stuff. she also obliquely insults my parenting.
Look she lives in another state, and, our schools are on different schedules. She's a teacher. Every year, she asks me when does school start? The exact date I don't have memorized, and usually we're somewhere I don't have access to a school calendar. no matter what answer I give, she always says "are you sure"? then she says school started here a week ago. Then I patiently point out to her that teachers go back about a week before the kids, and different states have different schedules. I mean, this crap has been going on for years---are you sure? That seems strange to me, our schools have already started. then, last Fall, she even had the nerve to say maybe you should call and check, just to be sure. Ok, now how does one respond to that? Oh, maybe you're right, maybe I have no idea what's going on, perhaps school has been in session for a couple of weeks now, maybe I should "call and check" because, after all, I'm too dumb to know WTH is really going on! I even told her look, I know what I'm doing, but if it bothers you so much, here's the school district name, YOU call them or google and find out, just to satisfy yourself!
I mean, there's simply no way to respond to such with any dignity, when a person dliliberatly insults you like that!
No, just consider her a leaf on my tree, send a Christmas Card, and let her fade out of my life.
if your family isn't doing this out of concern- because they care or checking up on you- which is a good thing,,,,,if they are really bugging you,,then yes, ask them for money or a cat,,,,,they will leave you alone,,
if that don't work, tell them you talk to dead people...
Would you feel comfortable telling your cousin how you feel and what is bothering you about your relationship? You could even say how you feel people are talking about you and that you have not asked for anything and don't plan to other then their friendship/support.
I am sorry you have this condition. I have chronic health issues and also some family members who like to gossip. For awhile I did have to take a break from someone because I felt it was unhealthy mentally for me to speak with them.
I think you should do what is healthy for you because added stress does not help you physically. That being said sometimes if you say how you feel to this person it may help clear the air and make the relationship better.
Would you feel comfortable telling your cousin how you feel and what is bothering you about your relationship? You could even say how you feel people are talking about you and that you have not asked for anything and don't plan to other then their friendship/support.
I am sorry you have this condition. I have chronic health issues and also some family members who like to gossip. For awhile I did have to take a break from someone because I felt it was unhealthy mentally for me to speak with them.
I think you should do what is healthy for you because added stress does not help you physically. That being said sometimes if you say how you feel to this person it may help clear the air and make the relationship better.
I don't know.....I would like to get this out in the open to discuss what's bothering me, in the hope of saving the relationship. But, I've found such heart-to-heart talks usually don't help and even make the situation worse.
First, the person is going to vehemently deny and attempt at "gigging" a person, she's not going to agree with my interpretation of things.Then, she has even more to cry about---oh, I was just trying to be "nice" and ML took it all wrong Well, then she maintains her position asWorld's Greatest Cousin, without doing a damned thing!
Actually, in the past, she has "fished" to find out what my health problem of the week is, then takes great pains to make herself scarce during that time. For example, I was scheduled for a hip replacement Feb 17.. All of a sudden, she and her dh were taking a cruise then! Strange she didn't mention it sooner! Look, I wasn't figuring on her involvement or help, anyways, so I just said have a nice trip. Well the week of the "so-called trip, she happened to call me from her cell. How's the trip? uh-oh....then she trips all over herself, the trip was postponed, etc. Well, it just so happened I have to postpone my surgery as well. Then, she gets real evasive, oh, she's got another call, bye!
Seems she's always "watching out for me" not to see when and how she can be of assistance, but how she can contrive something to not be available at that time. Look, its not like I've ever asked her so much as an afternoon babysitting, but....there's always a first time. Don't have much to do with ML so she won't get ideas you're available. I'm sick of trying to pretend I'm so dense I can't figure out what's going on
Oh, well, just a late-night vent, take care, my fellow night owls!
Your family gives you shelter when you have appointments. Your family calls to inquire about you.
Anything else is unimportant. I would not worry about it, and I would not read into ulterior motives.
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Look, if I did have a problem, I certainly wouldn't turn to them, anyways. I sometimes feel she is playing to a background audience, like her husband. Oh, I have to return Mary's phone call---when I probably hadn't called----then says later to her husband, well, you know, that's her, always wanting us to "help" but, like I keep telling her, we have our own constraints, can't help, but she keeps calling................
Well, then she maintains her position asWorld's Greatest Cousin, without doing a damned thing!
