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Me and my best friend have known each other since we are about 8 years old. We were neighbors and then we both moved to Philly from Pittsburgh for college and shared an apartment. I love him like a brother.
We have always had different political views, I'm a moderate republican (believe in capitalist/unregulated free markets and am pretty live and let live/if I dont like it I don't do it on most social issues, believe in strong and aggressive foreign policy and am opposed to illegal immigration strongly) and he has always been a moderate/lefty democrat but nothing too extreme. I've always been under the impression that we were both in the middle and I am just one step right and he is one step left and we have had many civil discussions. He is dating some granola hipster girl (I'm married and expecting a baby) and she has somehow made a legit communist out of him. Every conversation we have turns into him going into some tangent about class war and quoting Das Kapital or something. He has been saying some extreme stuff like, "the family unit should be obliterated and kids raised communally" (not the thing to say to a soon to be daddy) and "churches should be burned to the ground" (I'm a practicing catholic) and just some other extreme and outlandish stuff. I let him know that he is entitled to believe what he wants but some of his positions offend me so let's just refrain from talking politics so we can keep it civil. However he won't stop, he's constantly emailing me/texting me/posting on my Facebook timeline with extreme Marxist stuff, hateful things about Christianity and he called my family who owns a business and employed him for years "capitalist pigs".
I have a hard time believing that he actually believes this kind of crap and I want to believe that he is just trying to rile me up and/or impress his girlfriend but regardless I have literally begged him to stop and he said that I was "being a fascist and stifling his dissenting views"
He is my best friend and I don't care what he believes but I just don't want to argue about it anymore. I'm a grown man with a pregnant wife and when I have a free couple hours to hang out with my friends I would rather have fun, watch sports, and not get into heated political duels..it's draining. I had to remove him from posting on my FB because it's tied to my family's business page and every Friday when me and all my high school friends usually get together I haven't been including him because he makes everything miserable.
Like I said, I seriously really care about him and I just want him to stop so we can hang out and be normal without him picking some insane fight. I don't know what to say to him to get him to shut up, should I just drop him? Ughh
Sometimes friendships wear out. I am very much like you, practicing Catholic and conservative. I have very liberal friends but they don't try to change me and I don't try to change them. In fact we joke about it sometimes. I have a couple NUT relatives who sound a bit like your friend. I unfriended them from Facebook because they were very offensive. Who needs that in their life? Luckily we aren't all that close and live in different parts of the country.
I know you don't want to end your friendship but he's not the same guy anymore. He is allowing his extremism to take over his life and now yours. And yes I do believe him to be extreme. Sadly people do believe that. I can't imagine anyone raising my children but me.
I would drift away. If he asks why tell him because you find his views to be extreme and he needs to learn to back off. He is not going to change you.
I would suggest dropping him. You've let him know how you feel plus asked him to refrain from discussing politics, yet he disrespects your wishes.
It doesn't have to be a dramatic end to the friendship. Just gradually start drifting away by not keeping in touch.
I have been avoiding him but he is relentless and if I don't reply to a text he will just keep texting. It hurts me because I care for him, I was gonna ask him to be my sons godfather but not after this. He is entitled to believe whatever he likes but I don't get why he is being such a tool about me and my family. I have always treated him like my brother, he had crazy parents and would stay at my house for weeks and my parents would feed him, give him somewhere to stay, bus fare, rides to school (he went to public and I went to catholic after junior high so it's not like he would tag along) and my dad employed him and tried to teach him a trade..it just hurts that he is ruining our friendship over such petty BS. I wish he would just shut up and let us move on and be friends
Sometimes friendships wear out. I am very much like you, practicing Catholic and conservative. I have very liberal friends but they don't try to change me and I don't try to change them. In fact we joke about it sometimes. I have a couple NUT relatives who sound a bit like your friend. I unfriended them from Facebook because they were very offensive. Who needs that in their life? Luckily we aren't all that close and live in different parts of the country.
I know you don't want to end your friendship but he's not the same guy anymore. He is allowing his extremism to take over his life and now yours. And yes I do believe him to be extreme. Sadly people do believe that. I can't imagine anyone raising my children but me.
I would drift away. If he asks why tell him because you find his views to be extreme and he needs to learn to back off. He is not going to change you.
Yeah he really has become extreme. We are both in our early 20s and graduated last year and moved back to Pgh and since then our lives have kind of diverged, he works minimum wage and lives with roommates, I'm newlywed (9 months) and expecting a kid in less than 12 weeks at this point, on top transitioning into running the family business and just put an offer on a home. I don't fault or judge him for that but we have less and less in common. I used to be happy that when we were teens and in college we would stay up on my porch, or on the phone or later in college in our apartment and have intellectual conversations about politics, religion, history etc. and disagree but be civil and learn from each other, now he has become so extreme and confrontational it's sad and a little scary
I know I need to drop him but it's hard because we were very integrated into each other's lives. A good 3/4 of all my school memories and pictures have him playing some kind of role, subconsciously I feel like dropping him will mean I will have to discard all of those awesome memories because thinking about it would make me sad
If only early 20s, it might just be a phase. Your having a baby is probably making him examine his own views on parenthood, baptism, etc. He might also be jealous of you and coping by over rationalizing his beliefs.
Talk to him and mention that you are "thinking about Godparents" and see how the conversation goes from there.
I think you'll have to be blunt. Tell him you'll miss his friendship, but his inability to focus on what you still have in common makes it necessary to step away. Tell him you'll leave the door open if he wants to leave politics at the curb.
I would drift away. Block him on Facebook, block his texts, etc. What you and he have in common is your childhoods. What's happeing to you now is pretty typical and common.
You're grown up, as has your friend. And you've simply developed into very different people as adults. It may be it's time to move on and develop other friends more in keeping with who you are now. This takes nothing away from your previous friendship with this friend. Remember it fondly. But also remember that it now belongs in the past.
What happened in childhood/ teenage years/college does not always carry over into mature adulthood. As you go through life, friends are going to come and go in your life. Enjoy them during the times you mesh emotionally and intellectually and be ready to move on. If you're very lucky, you may across one or two people with whom you'll be on the same page for decades. Most friends, however, can be long term, but still temporary.
Me and my best friend have known each other since we are about 8 years old. We were neighbors and then we both moved to Philly from Pittsburgh for college and shared an apartment. I love him like a brother.
We have always had different political views, I'm a moderate republican (believe in capitalist/unregulated free markets and am pretty live and let live/if I dont like it I don't do it on most social issues, believe in strong and aggressive foreign policy and am opposed to illegal immigration strongly) and he has always been a moderate/lefty democrat but nothing too extreme. I've always been under the impression that we were both in the middle and I am just one step right and he is one step left and we have had many civil discussions. He is dating some granola hipster girl (I'm married and expecting a baby) and she has somehow made a legit communist out of him. Every conversation we have turns into him going into some tangent about class war and quoting Das Kapital or something. He has been saying some extreme stuff like, "the family unit should be obliterated and kids raised communally" (not the thing to say to a soon to be daddy) and "churches should be burned to the ground" (I'm a practicing catholic) and just some other extreme and outlandish stuff. I let him know that he is entitled to believe what he wants but some of his positions offend me so let's just refrain from talking politics so we can keep it civil. However he won't stop, he's constantly emailing me/texting me/posting on my Facebook timeline with extreme Marxist stuff, hateful things about Christianity and he called my family who owns a business and employed him for years "capitalist pigs".
I have a hard time believing that he actually believes this kind of crap and I want to believe that he is just trying to rile me up and/or impress his girlfriend but regardless I have literally begged him to stop and he said that I was "being a fascist and stifling his dissenting views"
He is my best friend and I don't care what he believes but I just don't want to argue about it anymore. I'm a grown man with a pregnant wife and when I have a free couple hours to hang out with my friends I would rather have fun, watch sports, and not get into heated political duels..it's draining. I had to remove him from posting on my FB because it's tied to my family's business page and every Friday when me and all my high school friends usually get together I haven't been including him because he makes everything miserable.
Like I said, I seriously really care about him and I just want him to stop so we can hang out and be normal without him picking some insane fight. I don't know what to say to him to get him to shut up, should I just drop him? Ughh
He's whipped.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PghYinzer92
I have been avoiding him but he is relentless and if I don't reply to a text he will just keep texting. It hurts me because I care for him, I was gonna ask him to be my sons godfather but not after this. He is entitled to believe whatever he likes but I don't get why he is being such a tool about me and my family. I have always treated him like my brother, he had crazy parents and would stay at my house for weeks and my parents would feed him, give him somewhere to stay, bus fare, rides to school (he went to public and I went to catholic after junior high so it's not like he would tag along) and my dad employed him and tried to teach him a trade..it just hurts that he is ruining our friendship over such petty BS. I wish he would just shut up and let us move on and be friends
If his parents were not there for him then that also explains his views on families.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PghYinzer92
Yeah he really has become extreme. We are both in our early 20s and graduated last year and moved back to Pgh and since then our lives have kind of diverged, he works minimum wage and lives with roommates, I'm newlywed (9 months) and expecting a kid in less than 12 weeks at this point, on top transitioning into running the family business and just put an offer on a home. I don't fault or judge him for that but we have less and less in common. I used to be happy that when we were teens and in college we would stay up on my porch, or on the phone or later in college in our apartment and have intellectual conversations about politics, religion, history etc. and disagree but be civil and learn from each other, now he has become so extreme and confrontational it's sad and a little scary
If you really consider him your brother and even were kinda raised as brothers then you have to remember that brothers don't necessarily get a long perfectly at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PghYinzer92
I know I need to drop him but it's hard because we were very integrated into each other's lives. A good 3/4 of all my school memories and pictures have him playing some kind of role, subconsciously I feel like dropping him will mean I will have to discard all of those awesome memories because thinking about it would make me sad
I don't have any awesome memories to discard.
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Give It A Rest But Don't Give Up:
