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I'm going to be a wise @ss and tell you what I'd do.
You predicted this is exactly what she'd do. I don't lie and I don't promote it but I'm going to in this instance. Give her a taste of her own medicine.
Call her back and act like you're as sick as a dog. Pile on the BS as she does to you. Tell her you've been sick since yesterday with a fever and going from both ends with no strength to do anything but sleep and you're not feeling any better. Make your voice sound like you're sick. Even pretend to gag like you're going to throw up and tell her you'll call her back! lol I know it sounds cruel. I know you're probably too kind to do this, but you knew she was going to do this.
She has to stop thinking she can play on your sympathies and you just have to drop everything for her drama. Tell her to quit the job.
You can or she can go to care.com and you can offer to pay for a babysitter in order for her to get some sleep as opposed to having the 2 kids and an infant dropped off for 3 days so she can have a little vacation. Maybe she'll think a little bit harder before she takes another job that doesn't suit her situation.
I think she needs to learn that she can't manipulate you at the drop of a hat. I know... it's easier said than done, but enough is enough.
Good luck!
Although, cam's suggestion is somewhat dramatic, think about what would happen if you were really sick and needed her help? Would she drop everything and come to help you?
A few months ago my husband was ill and was admitted to the hospital. I called my son, a married man with a young child, who lives 2,000 miles away, to let him know. His first questions were "How sick is he? Should I come right home? I can be on a flight home later today." That is what a responsible, loving adult child will do for their parent, drop everything and help them if they need help.
Would your daughter do that? Or would she insist that even though you have the flu, pneumonia or whatever illness, you need to be always available for her needs at her convenience. (BTW, after a week in intensive care my husband was fine, but my son was very willing at any point that I asked him, to come home to help).
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-10-2015 at 06:17 PM..
A good friend of mine for over 35 years has lived exactly what you have described. I thought I would tell you about her experiences so you can get an idea about how enabling a child can end up, and how things could very well end up for you and your husband the way they have for my friend.
When I met Kathy her daughter was 7. At the time Kathy had a very good, although demanding, job in a factory where she worked 12 hour shifts, 4 am to 4 pm. She took her young daughter to a friend's house on her way to work, the friend got her daughter off to school along with her own young daughter, and then Kathy's daughter went to daycare after school. When her daughter, Angie, turned 14 Kathy thought that was old enough for Angie to go home after school instead of continuing to go to daycare.
When I met Kathy she already owned her home (she was just in her early 30s), she drove nice/new vehicles, and she had savings. She and her daughter had the best of everything. This will be important later in my post.
We hadn't been friends very long before I recognized that Angie was VERY spoiled, and a difficult child to say the least. Kathy has admitted that she has always felt guilty that Angie only had one parent (her father wasn't involved by his own choosing), and she takes full responsibility for how Angie's life turned out because of letting Angie go home alone after school. When Angie was 10 Kathy took her for a makeup consult and bought everything, took her to get artificial nails, then bought her a pair of very tight jeans. All because she didn't want the confrontation there would have been if she had said No. When she told me about this and I saw the jeans on Angie I told her that she was just inviting problems, that Angie was much to young for any of those things. And it turned out that I was right. Angie got pregnant just a few months after she had started staying home alone after school until her Mom got off work.
Angie is now in her early 40s, had a second child with the guy she married when she got pregnant with her first child. She ended up divorced a few years ago. During all those years right up until today Kathy has been footing the bill for almost everything Angie had or wanted, including rent, car payments, car insurance, etc. Her husband was actually a pretty decent guy and when he got out of school he went right to work, and still had the same job when they divorced. He paid his child support, and a lot more for the kids. Angie attempted to work a few times after the divorce but it never worked out. She ended up on Medicaid, going to the rehab place where they give you whatever meds you want, or as in her case, however you can "fool" them into believing you need them as Angie has bragged to me she did. Early on in her adult life she was deemed by Kathy as unable to work, and because of her grandkids Kathy was still footing the bill for almost everything, while Angie spent the child support and whatever money she would have access to like tax returns, etc. on gadgets, papered expensive puppies which she has always given away after just a few months, only to replace them with another puppy (or sometimes two).
Over the years Kathy has asked me numerous times what she should do, and every time I have told her that she needed to cut off the money, stop enabling Angie by making her face up to her responsibilities or fall on her face. I told Kathy that Angie really needed to fall in order to realize that she could change things by growing up and accepting her responsibilities. But Kathy never took my advice, and to this day she is still paying most/all of Angie's bills. I'm talking about her car payment and insurance (she drives a gorgeous car), her house payment (she talked her Mom into putting 2 acres of the country home and property she inherited from her parents when they passed away as the down payment on a new mobile home, which Angie has since left sitting empty when she decided she wanted to move back to town. Kathy HAS to make the payment or lose the property which in turn would cause ALL kinds of problems with her siblings who own portions of the property also, i.e. having strangers living on the repossessed property in the middle of THEIR property), rent for the apartment they moved to, all utilities and any groceries above what Angie's food stamps pay for. After she retired Kathy took a job sitting 24/7 with an elderly lady that paid....get ready for this....$1100 a WEEK. Yep, you read that right. She had that job for 6 years, until the lady passed away, and today she complains that she has absolutely nothing to show for that. Kathy is 64 now and Angie is in her 40s. The oldest boy left home when he was sixteen, but now is married, works a full time job, and is very responsible. The youngest son is almost 19 but still living at home with his Mom AND Kathy. Yes, Angie has convinced Kathy that she needs her Mom living with them because she is afraid of them being alone (Kathy sold her home in town when she moved in with Angie, and the truth, I believe, is that it makes it easier for Angie to control her Mother's money with her living there). Kathy is retired now and draws a VERY nice retirement check, plus her social security which is also a nice amount because of her high wages before her retirement. Somewhere in the neighboorhood of about $4500 a month total.
Kathy called me not too long ago crying, and said that the day after she got her retirement check it was ALL gone, and she dreaded her SS check coming because Angie already had it spent. She had to take a part time job sitting with an elderly lady a few hours a week in order to have gas money. Meanwhile, Angie has 3 top of the line computers, printers, etc. and of course 2 purebred dogs, a HUGE entertainment center, she and son have the expensive fancy cell phones, etc. I reminded Kathy of that and told her that if she would just refuse to give Angie any more money, Angie would be forced to use the money she is blowing in the wind to pay her own bills.
And Kathy said she is miserable living with Angie because she has such a terrible temper and there is always someone arguing, either her and Angie, or Angie and her son. Kathy wants to go to her own home, the home she inherited, but she says she is waiting until her grandson moves out as she feels he needs her support there with all the problems with his Mom, which in turn makes more trouble between her and Angie. A vicious cycle. Of course I have told Kathy to just pick up and go home, but she says she will when the grandson has left. Oh, another thing is that Kathy has to sleep on the couch, there are only 2 bedrooms and she doesn't like to sleep with her daughter because her daughter complains that she can't sleep when her Mom is in the bed with her. Kathy is a very heavy set woman, and sleeping on the couch has caused the couch cushions to become misshapen, so now she is in trouble for "ruining" Angie's couch and has been told that she "owes" Angie a new one.
An ugly story to be sure, but a true one. I shared it to show you how enabling your kids can turn out, and because this could be you and your husband if you don't tighten the purse strings while you still have money for retirement. Your daughter won't quit depending on you for money until you make her understand that there won't be anymore coming, then stand by that.
You are most welcome....Wish that I had some magic words to make this better....It is hard to parent....I always say bigger kids bigger problems.
She could well have some sort of disorder, borderline sounds about right...especially reading your last post..But in your original post you said that she has always had certain characteristics that seem like ADHD or ODD to me. That also would explain your fears if she is single again....People who are compromised by disabilities need a safe haven, and oftentimes that is their S.O. or their parents, anyone or anything that helps center them.
I hope that you'll keep posting, I'm hoping the support helps. Also, there are some great threads in the mental health section that you might want to go read...some great posters and caring folks that I've read many times on this forum....We get our characters, but most folks are here to offer a helpful comment and compassion. Hang in there
Just FYI, I did say in an earlier post that one of Pam's diagnoses was ODD, and others were RAD, depression, and Conduct Disorder, but she was never diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. In fact, until middle school, she was a very good student academically (and she generally behaved well in the classroom); and she scored very high on all kinds of scholastic testing, even though her IQ was estimated to be "only" about 115.
Thanks again! (And I think your suggestion to check out the mental health section is a good one, if only to see how others cope with their relatives, if nothing else).
I'm going to be a wise @ss and tell you what I'd do.
You predicted this is exactly what she'd do. I don't lie and I don't promote it but I'm going to in this instance. Give her a taste of her own medicine.
Call her back and act like you're as sick as a dog. Pile on the BS as she does to you. Tell her you've been sick since yesterday with a fever and going from both ends with no strength to do anything but sleep and you're not feeling any better. Make your voice sound like you're sick. Even pretend to gag like you're going to throw up and tell her you'll call her back! lol I know it sounds cruel. I know you're probably too kind to do this, but you knew she was going to do this.
She has to stop thinking she can play on your sympathies and you just have to drop everything for her drama. Tell her to quit the job.
You can or she can go to care.com and you can offer to pay for a babysitter in order for her to get some sleep as opposed to having the 2 kids and an infant dropped off for 3 days so she can have a little vacation. Maybe she'll think a little bit harder before she takes another job that doesn't suit her situation.
I think she needs to learn that she can't manipulate you at the drop of a hat. I know... it's easier said than done, but enough is enough.
Good luck!
Thanks for chiming in -- and I know where you're coming from -- and, actually, the thought of faking it on my end had already occurred to me! However, like you, I don't lie. Evade, yes, but not lie. I also cannot force her to quit her job. (I wish I could!) I strongly advised her not to take the job when she first told me about (and stated all the reasons), but as I have indicated, Pam is very willful.!
Thanks for your suggestion of care.com! I will suggest it to her and check into it. My only concern about that would be that the idea would be for her to get some rest -- and speaking for myself, I could never relax enough to sleep knowing that there was a stranger in my house looking after my kids. However, that did bring up the idea of maybe having her look into a drop-in daycare center, if there is one in her town. (However, I wonder if drop-in centers would accept infants?)
If they get married, even if he does not legally adopt her first two children, they will still be his step-children. Aren't they almost his step-children right now since they are engaged and living together?
And, even if his parents only care for their biological grandchild for a few days or so that will take some of the burden off of them. I only had two children, but I have had several parents who have three children say three children vs. just two children was a lot, a lot more difficult.
I wonder why it has not ever occurred to Greg to ask his parents to babysit for a while to give him a break? (or have his parents cared for the baby or for all three children, too) Is it because he is manipulating/taking advantage of you, too?
Good luck to you.
I only met them once, but Greg's parents are FANTASTIC. About ten months ago, I met them when they came to my city on some kind of business. They had picked up Greg, Pam, Amy and Tom (this was before Paul was born, of course), on their way and dropped off the kids so they could take Pam and Greg out to dinner, while my husband and I babysat, and then Pam, Greg, and the kids spent the night with us, and Greg's parents picked them up the next day.
They actually bought the house that Pam and Greg are living in on a "rent to own" basis specifically for them. (When I said it was a long-term lease, I was just trying to make a long story short!) So, because the house was a fixer-upper, and Greg's dad is in his late 50's, I think and retired and "handy", and Greg's mom is in her early-to-mid 50's, I think, and is in real estate (and so she has a somewhat flexible schedule), they do go to the house often anyway, despite the long distance. Pam says they show up about every two weeks or so, and that Greg's dad has made fixing up their house his retirement hobby.
And not only that, but Greg's parents have treated Amy and Tom like their grandkids from the time Greg and Pam first moved in together -- my grandkids are very cute (and Tom is also very sweet, although Amy has the same personality as her mom). They even gave a year's worth of dance lessons to Amy for her third birthday. Plus -- and this more directly answers your question -- they have taken Amy and Tom to their home for two weekends, that I know of.
So, I doubt that anyone could expect them to do anything more! (Of course, I am not "scolding" you, Germaine, but answering your question!)
Anyway, I don't think Greg is a manipulator, but Pam definitely is. Like many people like her, she can appear to be very sweet and charming if it is in her interest to be so. I am sure that she has given them a very good story (and much of it probably true) about how she came to be in her situation, and so they probably feel very sorry for her. Plus, as I said, she is a very loving, caring, and attentive mother, and she is now the fiancee' of their son and their grandchild's mother.
Last edited by katharsis; 06-11-2015 at 07:31 AM..
I only met them once, but Greg's parents are FANTASTIC. About ten months ago, I met them when they came to my city on some kind of business. They had picked up Greg, Pam, Amy and Tom (this was before Paul was born, of course), on their way and dropped off the kids so they could take Pam and Greg out to dinner, while my husband and I babysat, and then Pam, Greg, and the kids spent the night with us, and Greg's parents picked them up the next day.
They actually bought the house that Pam and Greg are living in on a "rent to own" basis specifically for them. (When I said it was a long-term lease, I was just trying to make a long story short!) So, because the house was a fixer-upper, and Greg's dad is in his late 50's, I think and retired and "handy", and Greg's mom is in her early-to-mid 50's, I think, and is in real estate (and so she has a somewhat flexible schedule), they do go to the house often anyway, despite the long distance. Pam says they show up about every two weeks or so, and that Greg's dad has made fixing up their house his retirement hobby.
And not only that, but Greg's parents have treated Amy and Tom like their grandkids from the time Greg and Pam first moved in together -- my grandkids are very cute (and Tom is also very sweet, although Amy has the same personality as her mom). They even gave a year's worth of dance lessons to Amy for her third birthday. Plus -- and this more directly answers your question -- they have taken Amy and Tom to their home for two weekends, that I know of.
So, I doubt that anyone could expect them to do anything more! (Of course, I am not "scolding" you, Germaine, but answering your question!)
Anyway, I don't think Greg is a manipulator, but Jessica definitely is. Like many people like her, she can appear to be very sweet and charming if it is in her interest to be so. I am sure that she has given them a very good story (and much of it probably true) about how she came to be in her situation, and so they probably feel very sorry for her. Plus, as I said, she is a very loving, caring, and attentive mother, and she is now the fiancee' of her son and their grandchild's mother.
Thank you for the update. Obviously his parents are doing a lot for the young couple. I just raised the issue because I have seen other situations where, for various reasons, all of the "work" or "pressure" or financial assistance fell to one set of parents and the others were completely not involved.
However, the information that you added causes me to look at the situation with your daughter even more critically. IMHO, she is a part of young couple getting far, far more help and assistance than most young couples receive and she is still demanding more, and more and MORE help from you. You are saying that you would not expect his parents to do anything more so why are you thinking that you need to do more?
I know that this must be very difficult for you but I have personally seen situations (although, not as dramatic as this one) where an adult child just takes and takes and takes from the parent and never learns how to "stand on their own two fee" and grow up to be a functioning independent adult. In the short run the parent believes that they are being helpful but in the long run they are really doing a disservice to their adult child.
A good friend of mine for over 35 years has lived exactly what you have described. I thought I would tell you about her experiences so you can get an idea about how enabling a child can end up, and how things could very well end up for you and your husband the way they have for my friend..
Thank you so much for sharing such a long and sad story with me, but I can assure you with 99% certainty that this won't happen with us and Pam. As I said in my original post, to tell everything would take pages, but this is what I meant when I said she certainly is not spoiled:
We live in a community with some sections being middle class (us) and some sections being upper-middle class. Pam was exposed to kids with a lot more money and things than we have, and she resented the fact that we NEVER even tried to "keep up" with anyone else.
Although we did give the usual middle class things to her -- a yearly birthday party, new (but not designer) clothes, and about a half-dozen non-extravagant gifts for Christmas and birthdays -- we never spoiled her in the sense of giving her a car for her sixteenth birthday, for example. Until she earned her own money, she had to earn her spending money by behaving well at home and at school. (She started out with so much a week, but then money was subtracted for bad behavior.) Yes, she was taught to do chores, and I also taught her to sew and knit a little, but trying to get her behavior to be acceptable was more important to us than making sure she helped around the house. After she was sixteen and making her own money, the only way to "control" her at all was to not provide transportation if her behavior was not acceptable.
(The only way in which she received much more than most kids were in the area of activities -- whenever she showed an interest in anything, we paid for lessons. A partial list includes ice-skating lesson, gymnastics, piano lessons, ballet lessons, Brownies, and swim lessons. She was also on the community she took piano lessons, ballet lessons, and swim lessons. She was also on the community swim team until she sabotaged the league finals because she was mad at her teammates. However, the lessons only continued as long as she put in real effort. If she didn't do the work or misbehaved in class, we stopped the classes after giving her two warnings.)
So, my point is that we definitely do not believe in anyone getting anything for nothing -- and that includes Pam! The only reason I am so involved now is, to repeat, because of the grandkids. (And, yes, I do realize that she might be using them to manipulate us!)
Btw, I do realize that I have probably come across as being VERY defensive, but if you have endured as many years as being viewed as possibly being a "bad parent" as I have been, you probably would be defensive, too!
Thanks for chiming in -- and I know where you're coming from -- and, actually, the thought of faking it on my end had already occurred to me! However, like you, I don't lie. Evade, yes, but not lie. I also cannot force her to quit her job. (I wish I could!) I strongly advised her not to take the job when she first told me about (and stated all the reasons), but as I have indicated, Pam is very willful.!
Thanks for your suggestion of care.com! I will suggest it to her and check into it. My only concern about that would be that the idea would be for her to get some rest -- and speaking for myself, I could never relax enough to sleep knowing that there was a stranger in my house looking after my kids. However, that did bring up the idea of maybe having her look into a drop-in daycare center, if there is one in her town. (However, I wonder if drop-in centers would accept infants?)
Thanks again!
Although I did not do it often, I have hired babysitters to care for my children in my home while I slept after an illness or a difficult week at work. If the babysitter is qualified and you trust her it is no different than if you hire someone to watch your children while you go on a date or go to work.
I am guessing that it is not unusual for third shift workers, who are single parents or whose spouse leaves for their job, to have someone in their home providing child care while they sleep. Whocares, just because you find it odd or would have trouble sleeping does not mean that your daughter, especially after a long night of work, would have any problem doing that. Don't put your hang ups or fears into the equation. Since it is summer vacation I bet your daughter could easily find a responsible older teenager or college student who is looking for part time work.
If your daughter intends on keeping this job I bet that she can find an in home (their home not your daughter's home) child care provider or day care center that will care for the children on a part time basis. And, yes, most places do accept infants, however, the cost is usually higher.
First off--don't blame yourself for Pam's difficulties. It sounds as if you and your husband have been good parents for her. The unfortunate thing is that she arrived in your home with many problems and years of neglect (and probably abuse). You've made the best of a sad situation.
The next part may sound harsh. Please understand I am not faulting you. You've done a fine parenting job.
I'm getting conflicting messages from you. First you mention Pam's sense of entitlement. Then you indicate that you didn't want her to take this job. You don't say it, but it also seems as if you don't think she is capable of taking care of herself or making good decisions. I understand she's made some bad decisions in the past. If I'm picking up on these mixed messages, Pam surely is also. It's time to let her become an adult. With being an adult comes mistakes and difficulties sometimes. Her children really will be fine. She's already proven that she knows how to get WIC, etc. It's time to let her fly on her own.
If you want to stop the entitlement, stop supporting it. I'm not suggesting you don't help her financially. I am suggesting that you tie financial assistance to Pam doing something to be better prepared to financially support her small family with or without Greg. Not only will that make your life easier, it will also help Pam. You mentioned she was a high school dropout. Did she ever complete high school or receive a GED? If not, offer to pay for the courses and send a small amount each month while she does so--perhaps $400-500.
Has she ever considered community college? You said she was intelligent. Many community colleges offer 2 year programs that often lead to jobs in high demand--nursing, IT, other health care fields. Her areas of interest might not pay the bills, and she may need to work in another area. Once the family is better on their feet and the children are a bit older she can pursue those interests as hobbies/fun. Online programs are widely available. Given Pam's financial status she maybe able to go for free or nearly so. Instead of sending her the $800/month, offer to help out with books or send a smaller amount monthly. Any assistance you give her should be directly tied to her actions to improve her situation.
For the entitled attitude to end, Pam needs to struggle to succeed. She needs to make her own way through her own efforts. This will have a tremendous, positive impact on her self-esteem and sense of accomplishment. You can be there to support those efforts. Wouldn't you rather Pam call you for help with the kids because she needs to study for exams rather than being tired and sick?
As far as the IUD/Depo Provera business. I'm calling it a lie. There are very few instances when a woman cannot/should not use an IUD. I've also never heard of a doctor saying he didn't believe in Depo Provera--especially for a young woman with three very young children. Next time she mentions it suggest she see a different doctor.
First off--don't blame yourself for Pam's difficulties. It sounds as if you and your husband have been good parents for her. The unfortunate thing is that she arrived in your home with many problems and years of neglect (and probably abuse). You've made the best of a sad situation.
The next part may sound harsh. Please understand I am not faulting you. You've done a fine parenting job.
I'm getting conflicting messages from you. First you mention Pam's sense of entitlement. Then you indicate that you didn't want her to take this job. You don't say it, but it also seems as if you don't think she is capable of taking care of herself or making good decisions. I understand she's made some bad decisions in the past. If I'm picking up on these mixed messages, Pam surely is also. It's time to let her become an adult. With being an adult comes mistakes and difficulties sometimes. Her children really will be fine. She's already proven that she knows how to get WIC, etc. It's time to let her fly on her own.
If you want to stop the entitlement, stop supporting it. I'm not suggesting you don't help her financially. I am suggesting that you tie financial assistance to Pam doing something to be better prepared to financially support her small family with or without Greg. Not only will that make your life easier, it will also help Pam. You mentioned she was a high school dropout. Did she ever complete high school or receive a GED? If not, offer to pay for the courses and send a small amount each month while she does so--perhaps $400-500.
Has she ever considered community college? You said she was intelligent. Many community colleges offer 2 year programs that often lead to jobs in high demand--nursing, IT, other health care fields. Her areas of interest might not pay the bills, and she may need to work in another area. Once the family is better on their feet and the children are a bit older she can pursue those interests as hobbies/fun. Online programs are widely available. Given Pam's financial status she maybe able to go for free or nearly so. Instead of sending her the $800/month, offer to help out with books or send a smaller amount monthly. Any assistance you give her should be directly tied to her actions to improve her situation.
For the entitled attitude to end, Pam needs to struggle to succeed. She needs to make her own way through her own efforts. This will have a tremendous, positive impact on her self-esteem and sense of accomplishment. You can be there to support those efforts. Wouldn't you rather Pam call you for help with the kids because she needs to study for exams rather than being tired and sick?
As far as the IUD/Depo Provera business. I'm calling it a lie. There are very few instances when a woman cannot/should not use an IUD. I've also never heard of a doctor saying he didn't believe in Depo Provera--especially for a young woman with three very young children. Next time she mentions it suggest she see a different doctor.
Thanks for your kind words and advice.
I don’t blame you for getting conflicting messages from my posts. The main entitlement issue, as concerns THIS particular situation, is that she has acted like she expects me to rescue her with babysitting whenever she is sick, exhausted or even just "too tired". And, to repeat, they live three hours away, and as we only have one car as my husband is still working and I don’t really need one, it is not that easy to for us to “just take the kids” in times of trouble. And another problem is that she has seldom given us any warning because she has waited until she is "at the end of her rope" to call us, always expecting us to just drop everything to "rescue" her, which we have done (again, mainly for the sake of the kids). So that is why I started this thread -- because I do not want to continue to "enable" her or encourage her sense of "entitlement", but I honestly did not know what to do. So now, thanks to everyone who has been kind enough to advise me, I now have decided what to do. (See the P.S. below.)
Also, to try to make this more clear, the reason I don’t want her continuing in that job is ONLY because with three small children, I just don’t think she can handle an overnight job AND continue to take care of the kids well –- and, as I have said several times before, right now I am more concerned about the kids than I am about Pam. I am frankly afraid that either Pam or Greg might “explode” from the added amount of stress, exhaustion, and too little sleep. Again, I want to make clear that this is the last thing I would be worried about IF it weren't for the added stress of her working three consecutive overnight shifts, as both Pam and Greg are wonderful with the kids. But let’s face it: caring for a three-year-old, a two-year-old and an infant all by oneself is stressful enough, anyway, even without an outside job, too! I honestly don’t know how any low- or middle-income SAHMs do it, even if they have a day job and daycare! (And, yes, as I have said before, I know that I am a chronic worrier, and that is a defect in my personality!)
Pam did get her GED, she said, a couple of years ago. She has also enrolled in some community college classes in the past – and she says she would eventually like to eventually become a counselor to troubled kids – but she has never completed even one class because of her personal problems and decisions. After the youngest is in school, we would be more than happy to supplement her education IF she proves that she can stick to it and be successful at it.
And, yes, I do think she was telling me a falsehood about the IUD/Depo – and maybe about the Pill just failing!
P.S. To anyone else who previously posted and is now just "checking back" today: Pam called me last night, still sounding like she had a bad case of laryngitis, and said that her e-mail was working again, so today I sent Pam an e-mail to say that we will take the kids for ONE long (three-day) weekend of her choice in the second half of this summer, with 24 hours' notice, but that will be all we will do regarding babysitting this summer. I also said that if she felt like she really needed a babysitter before or after then, we would deduct the money from the account we have set aside for her for emergencies and told her about care.com, which cam1957 recommended. I also asked her about the possibility of them qualifying for Obamacare, and I said that we would help with paying for insurance, if that was the reason she needs to bring in more money. So, now, I am just waiting to see how she responds.
Last edited by katharsis; 06-12-2015 at 10:43 AM..
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