Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
As I've grown older, I've begun to notice a very damaging yet overlooked habit that many people have that should get more attention than it does.
Projection
People project their own feelings and beliefs into others. They believe that whatever makes them happy is going to make everyone happy ignoring the fact that there are people in this world who are different from them and do not want the same things out of life that they themselves want.
Many people make statements like that women did with the best intentions and that's actually the worst part of it! Because the person projecting feels no need to analyze their behavior how it affects the person they are projecting towards.
People who project themselves onto others tell others how they either feel or should feel in any given situation even though you may honestly not feel that way at all for example here being married and having children. You may not feel unfulfilled or unhappy but because that woman might believe that being married and having children is everything to her it should be everything to you.
Now even though most of the time it comes from good intentions it's a very selfish and egotistical thing people do and most of the time it only alienates others.
I think YOU may be projecting onto others what YOU may do.
What that women said, however, IS A STATISTIC. It's a fact. Of the four groups (married men, single women, single men, married women), married men are the happiest group. Single women next. Married women are last.
The OP is younger. He'll age and realize what others are telling him. The single men I've met over a certain age all seem to have a sort of "lost" quality to them. Men seem hardwired for marriage. In fact, men are the ones who created the institution in the first place.
That doesn't mean single men will be overly lonely or unhappy. But statistically, they will be unhappier than married men or single women. Men seem not just to survive, but thrive in marriage, for some reason.
It's just a statistic. Nothing being projected by stating a fact.
I think YOU may be projecting onto others what YOU may do.
What that women said, however, IS A STATISTIC. It's a fact. Of the four groups (married men, single women, single men, married women), married men are the happiest group. Single women next. Married women are last.
The OP is younger. He'll age and realize what others are telling him. The single men I've met over a certain age all seem to have a sort of "lost" quality to them. Men seem hardwired for marriage. In fact, men are the ones who created the institution in the first place.
That doesn't mean single men will be overly lonely or unhappy. But statistically, they will be unhappier than married men or single women. Men seem not just to survive, but thrive in marriage, for some reason.
It's just a statistic. Nothing being projected by stating a fact.
And how am I projecting? I've never told anyone they'll be happier single or married. I respect people's life choices and believe that they know what's best for themselves. And I don't know how those stats affect how the OP feels. Should he be unhappy being single just because stats compiled from surveys tell him he should be?
Are you assuming that I said that you were projecting?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen
I think YOU may be projecting onto others what YOU may do.
What that women said, however, IS A STATISTIC. It's a fact. Of the four groups (married men, single women, single men, married women), married men are the happiest group. Single women next. Married women are last.
The OP is younger. He'll age and realize what others are telling him. The single men I've met over a certain age all seem to have a sort of "lost" quality to them. Men seem hardwired for marriage. In fact, men are the ones who created the institution in the first place.
That doesn't mean single men will be overly lonely or unhappy. But statistically, they will be unhappier than married men or single women. Men seem not just to survive, but thrive in marriage, for some reason.
It's just a statistic. Nothing being projected by stating a fact.
Well it is impossible to accurately measure such an internal feeling such as happiness. I really think you used that survey, by the way you didn't cite to a reputable source, to project your own views on marriage.
I guess there are people out there that think that's the only thing life has to offer.
I keep myself very busy and fulfilled and I've never felt lonely. Maybe I'm missing something.
Do NOT let others goad, guilt, shame you into living a life that THEY think is "appropriate"...including your own family members!
It took me until age 32 to figure out it is MY LIFE TO LIVE, NOT anyone else's to live!!!
I did NOT find MOH {My Other Half} until I was in my later 30s. That was 15 years ago. We are now in our 50's. And we have no children, either...
I went through some relationships along the way that did't pan out, before I met/fell in love with MOH.
I figured a long time ago that If I didn't have kids by age 40 {when I'd be in my early 60's to see them off to college about retirement time, and I didn't want that!}. Since we had basically just met and done got hitched, we just did not go for children...neither of us really wanted them.
We are happy together as is, sans children.
Go on and live your life as you think is {preferably legally} satisfactory for you!
I think its a depends answer. If you find the right life mate it can be but it can also not be if not. Have a friend who was married three times. He said the difference in first two and last are like suddenly being satisfied and happy just living without all the other things. But then there are people who function best it seems alone.The ladies views are much the same strength as others of opposite views here it seems to me.
You told us you keep busy then linked it to being happy.
All I meant and said is that if you have someone half way compatible, your better half, you don't need to stay busy. You'll be content anyhow. I also added that this is a generalization, it means most people are like this. Not everyone, but I believe you are happier with someone but haven't found it yet. I could be wrong of course
Yes, it could also be a projection of mine but that doesn't diminish it's truths.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
