Advice on Upcoming Tense 40th High School Reunion (wife, person, wedding)
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Next Saturday night is my 40th High School reunion. After thinking about it, I posted my issues concerning the reunion on the Class of 75's Moderator cut: edit Page. Enough people with whom I have not been in regular contact have urged me to come. The problems crystallize as follows. Three of my life's closest friends (friendships dating from 1964-72) are attending.
One of the three is a constant tennis partner, and we talk regularly. That one's wife is in remission, but has serious health problems. I don't need a reunion to see him.
The other two out of the three are a different story. These are people I'm not talking to; one since his rude handling of the 1995 and 2005 reunions, and the other for about 10 months (despite his inviting me to his daughter's wedding in May. These are the two prior threads on this individual:
As a matter of principal, I will not make "small talk" with either of these two people until I "clear the air." With the first one, i.e. the one who was rude at the last two reunions, an apology will do. For the second one (the one who the threads here are about) the matter is not so simple. He has often, over the period of our relationship, shut off contact, usually based upon some spurious grievance and then reappeared as if nothing happened.
Should I accept that for what would now be the fifth or sixth such time?
Last edited by Miss Blue; 10-03-2015 at 07:43 PM..
Reason: FB is temporarily banned in this forum
Next Saturday night is my 40th High School reunion. After thinking about it, I posted my issues concerning the reunion on the Class of 75's Facebook Page. Enough people with whom I have not been in regular contact have urged me to come. The problems crystallize as follows. Three of my life's closest friends (friendships dating from 1964-72) are attending.
One of the three is a constant tennis partner, and we talk regularly. That one's wife is in remission, but has serious health problems. I don't need a reunion to see him.
The other two out of the three are a different story. These are people I'm not talking to; one since his rude handling of the 1995 and 2005 reunions, and the other for about 10 months (despite his inviting me to his daughter's wedding in May. These are the two prior threads on this individual:
As a matter of principal, I will not make "small talk" with either of these two people until I "clear the air." With the first one, i.e. the one who was rude at the last two reunions, an apology will do. For the second one (the one who the threads here are about) the matter is not so simple. He has often, over the period of our relationship, shut off contact, usually based upon some spurious grievance and then reappeared as if nothing happened.
Should I accept that for what would now be the fifth or sixth such time?
You really do brood over these things. I'd have to say, no. You will just ruin things for the others.
It is enlightening that you nurse grudges and decide how the other person should make amends. Life doesn't usually work like that. But since you are still angry, I'd say the reunion would probably just make things worse for you.
Do find a positive thing to occupy yourself with next Saturday. Do something you like doing; don't sit at home and brood. Then you would just be making yourself miserable.
You really do brood over these things. I'd have to say, no. You will just ruin things for the others.
It is enlightening that you nurse grudges and decide how the other person should make amends. Life doesn't usually work like that. But since you are still angry, I'd say the reunion would probably just make things worse for you.
Do find a positive thing to occupy yourself with next Saturday. Do something you like doing; don't sit at home and brood. Then you would just be making yourself miserable.
I agree. Stay home. Let the other attendees enjoy the night without a black cloud.
You really do brood over these things. I'd have to say, no. You will just ruin things for the others.
It is enlightening that you nurse grudges and decide how the other person should make amends. Life doesn't usually work like that. But since you are still angry, I'd say the reunion would probably just make things worse for you.
Do find a positive thing to occupy yourself with next Saturday. Do something you like doing; don't sit at home and brood. Then you would just be making yourself miserable.
I am going to the reunion at the specific request of about five people. The issue is how, short of punching out the other two, do I handle them?
Be adult, nonconfrontational, and polite. It is one evening not a relationship you must continue with outside of the reunion. Enjoy those you enjoy. Ignore the others.
I agree. Stay home. Let the other attendees enjoy the night without a black cloud.
You are stuck in high school drama mode. And now that you've aired your grievances to the rest of the class, all eyes will be on you. Do everybody, but especially yourself, a favor, and stay home.
Either be an adult and be polite and gracious to *everyone* in attendance, or stay home.
It doesn't matter that five people have asked that you be there. If you go with an unforgiving attitude toward some of the attendees, you will create an unpleasant atmosphere for the others.
Will there be no other people there you can talk to??
There will be plenty of people to talk to. When the one whom the other threads are about strolls over to start shooting the breeze about the election, or about Israel, or whatever small talk topic is on his mind, there's going to be a problem.
My intention is to say "I have as much to talk to you about as you did in the last six calls on which you practically hung up on me." And I may add: "You know, one of those calls was when my mother died. You said "before I hang up, keep (a certain date) free for my daughter's wedding. I want you there." I then said "I don't know if you know but Rusty (my mother) died in December." Without saying he was sorry to hear he said "I didn't know that" and then hung up. Small talk doesn't come to the lips too easily at that point.
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