Do You Have trouble saying the words: " I Love You" to your parents? (siblings, children)
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Those words were never used in my house when growing up, and I honestly don't know why, as we actually did love each other. My parents divorced when I was 18, and I blame my mother for it, so I have no feelings of love for her anymore. But my father and I were always very close.
I told him "I love you" exactly twice in my life. The first time was after I graduated from college and had come home only long enough to load up my stuff into my car and move away. I said those words, then got in the car and drove away; he later told me that he cried as I turned the corner and was gone. (I had never seen him cry.) The other time was the day before he died, when I saw him for the last time and I knew that the end was nigh. And I remain eternally grateful that I was given that one final opportunity to say it, and took it.
When I was growing up my family just never said "I Love You" to one another. It was a cultural thing for us. We just knew we loved each other and had no need to say it to one another.
As I have got older and started a family of my own I have learned to say "I Love You" to my family and the ones I loved. I think it is really important to let them hear it verbally. My parents have slowly understood this and now say it much more with me, my brother, my wife, and their grandkids.
I do wish that we would have said it as a family when I was growing up.
I didn't grow up in a house that said I love you very often (if ever) so I do feel kind of weird saying now. Once in awhile my dad will say it now and it always throws me off a bit. I do say it back but it doesn't feel natural even though I do love him.
I didn't want that type of cold relationship with my own child so I constantly said it to my daughter while she was growing up and we say it just about every time we speak.
I have never said that to my parents nor would I ever. It would be more like I hate you instead. I'm so glad they are out of my life. They both passed early.
I always said it to my mother, because she always said it to me.
My father was a different story. He was uncomfortable with emotions and honestly, I am not sure if I actually loved him - or if he loved us. I know he loved my mother.
If you are one of the people that had good parents and a good life while at home but still never heard or said I love you, why not start now? Deciding to do it after I became an adult was one of the best decisions I ever made. I sometimes think about it and wonder if the only time either of my parents ever heard it was from each other, and it makes me very sad because that would mean each of them had only heard I love you from one person their whole life before I started telling them. Only ONE person! That's terribly sad, and I am SO glad that I took the first step by telling them. And my kids started saying it to them when they were old enough to talk because for my kids it was part of loving someone to tell them, so before they passed they were hearing it a lot, and in turn my kids got to hear their grandparents tell them that they loved them. For all of us it was a win/win situation.
Yes, it was a bit uncomfortable the first time I said it to them, but after that first time it was like we had always said it, plus I got to hear my parents say it to me, something I had never had before. At least think about it if you feel love for them. Give them and yourself that precious gift before it's too late.
I don't even like my parents - they are both horrible, self-centred people. They even hate each other and have been on about divorcing for the past 30-odd years! I wish I could divorce them!
I have a hard time saying that to my mom, because 1) it isn't true and 2) she really badly wants me to say it. Part of her narcissism is to be loved unconditionally and receive credit for 'trying' to be a good parent. So I don't want to validate her fantasy world by letting her think for an instant that I think she was a good parent. She got some things right, but she ruined so many things by being mean, selfish, petty and self-centered. Still is.
I know, it sounds mean. but she could have actually been loving to me when I was a child and would be getting it back 10 thousand-fold. I just can't fake it.
My parents have been married for 43+ yrs now & I'm their only 40 y.o. "child".
I've always been able to say it to my Mom, who I'm very close to.
I never said it really to my Dad until recently now that he's extremely elderly & frail. We were never close, but we just knew we always loved each other, just never said it really to each other until recently.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 11-05-2015 at 08:28 PM..
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