Hate socializing but wish we had more friends! Am I weird? (girlfriend, husband)
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Soooo when Saturday night rolls around I often wish we had a circle of friends to go to dinner with or even attend concerts or shows with. Once in a while I would enjoy hosting a small dinner party, too. We moved last year about 20 miles away and the 2 couple friends we did hang with infrequently also each moved. So, it looks like we need to work on nurturing some new friends. I joined a few meetup groups .... bookclubs, dining out groups, etc. Also I do some volunteer work.
But, when its time for an event I never want to go. And when I force myself to go, I don't enjoy myself. My husband goes with me to events sometimes. But he also is on a running team and they have several early morning runs. So if something is scheduled on an evening before a run he doesn't want to participate. I fully understand.
This evening is a holiday party with the group I have been a volunteer with for 9 years. I know several of the people. The event is 30 miles from my home and I did RSVP but I am soooo dreading attending. I don't want to drive there myself. I don't want to aimlessly wander looking for people to talk to....
It's just being an introvert. I usually have a good time when I go, except if it's at my husbands work or with his colleagues, but I dread it so much. I try not to think too much about it ahead of time.
It took 40 years for me to realize that I am a true introvert. I do much better with friends one on one than I do in a group, and I am very uncomfortable in a group of people I don't know. Theoretically, I'd love to have that great group of girlfriends to hang with, but in reality, I'm happier at home, or with one good friend. It is hard sometimes, but the older I get the more I just don't care what everyone else does or thinks. We have to do what works for us.
Soooo when Saturday night rolls around I often wish we had a circle of friends to go to dinner with or even attend concerts or shows with. Once in a while I would enjoy hosting a small dinner party, too. We moved last year about 20 miles away and the 2 couple friends we did hang with infrequently also each moved. So, it looks like we need to work on nurturing some new friends. I joined a few meetup groups .... bookclubs, dining out groups, etc. Also I do some volunteer work.
But, when its time for an event I never want to go. And when I force myself to go, I don't enjoy myself. My husband goes with me to events sometimes. But he also is on a running team and they have several early morning runs. So if something is scheduled on an evening before a run he doesn't want to participate. I fully understand.
This evening is a holiday party with the group I have been a volunteer with for 9 years. I know several of the people. The event is 30 miles from my home and I did RSVP but I am soooo dreading attending. I don't want to drive there myself. I don't want to aimlessly wander looking for people to talk to....
Does anyone else have this problem?
Yes! I know how you feel. We moved out of state five years ago. Before we moved, we had a circle of friends that we did things with. We also had family there. Between friends and family we rarely spent a weekend without having guests, or being guests, or going out to dinner. I loved having company and cooking for people.
When we first moved here I missed our friends and the social connections, but now I really feel relieved. Being bright, perky and charming is a strain. So is having something to wear, having a perfect house, and having enough money to keep the social whirl going. Since we live in warm climate, we get a few visits with old friends on the way to Florida. we enjoy seeing them for a night or two, but that is plenty.
Now, when Saturday night rolls around, I feel relieved that I can just sit around in my pjs, have a cocktail, and watch a movie. I have picked up a volunteer job on Fridays, in which I spend time with some other women, but really, I feel resentment and dread whenever I must be somewhere at a certain time.
I am also struggling with finding friends after i moved to a new town. I had to leave behind a lot of good friends. I had invested many years & lot of time to make solid friendships & now i have to do it all over again. I am trying to build some friendships at work & in my neighborhood. I usually invite them to have lunch on a weekday so that it doesn't interfere with our free time in evenings or weekends. Hanging out should be easy & on the go. I also go to gym & take group exercise classes so that helps me connect with sane people i see few times a week. Its more difficult to find a couple or a group of friends as there too many different personalities to along.
I'm the same way...never had friends my whole life, except for 1 here & there throughout my life. Yet, I don't care for parties & get togethers. I'd just be happy w/ having a couple individual people as friends to get together with here & there. I was NEVER in my life part of a group of friends & I never asked for that & not asking for it now.
I do wish I had a couple more friends. Currently, I have a long time significant other & this gal pal who I get together with maybe once a year for the day. We don't ever talk by phone, but we email each other from time to time. On top of it all, I'm an only child, so I've had & am used to having a very solitary life.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 11-14-2015 at 07:28 PM..
I wish I had more friends but it's for selfish reasons so I can't do it. These days you can't get a job without networking and I have no network.
But beyond the job seeking aspect, though I don't wish for friends on a personal level I sometimes long for "kindred spirits". There has been the rare occasion where I think I've found one but they've changed/it turns out to be lie. I believe I have one now but he is unattainable. Being an observant loner I guess it makes it easy to connect with people out of my reach which would explain why in the past I used to connect with more people online. However I can't even connect with people on the internet like I used to. Of course I can converse and have them on my friends list/follow list so it's not a total tragedy but it's never like it was. I never spend hours into the night chatting to them and laughing like I did with one girl years ago. Basically, people tend to understand where I'm coming from on the surface but it is rare for me to find someone who I connect with on a deep level.
I would say the closest I got besides maybe my mom (esp IRL) is my bf but I can't always tell him how I'm feeling. Sometimes it's clear he doesn't understand.
Last edited by Nickchick; 11-15-2015 at 04:15 PM..
Soooo when Saturday night rolls around I often wish we had a circle of friends to go to dinner with or even attend concerts or shows with. Once in a while I would enjoy hosting a small dinner party, too. We moved last year about 20 miles away and the 2 couple friends we did hang with infrequently also each moved. So, it looks like we need to work on nurturing some new friends. I joined a few meetup groups .... bookclubs, dining out groups, etc. Also I do some volunteer work.
But, when its time for an event I never want to go. And when I force myself to go, I don't enjoy myself. My husband goes with me to events sometimes. But he also is on a running team and they have several early morning runs. So if something is scheduled on an evening before a run he doesn't want to participate. I fully understand.
This evening is a holiday party with the group I have been a volunteer with for 9 years. I know several of the people. The event is 30 miles from my home and I did RSVP but I am soooo dreading attending. I don't want to drive there myself. I don't want to aimlessly wander looking for people to talk to....
Does anyone else have this problem?
Funny, I am kind of the same. What I found out about myself is that the time of day and the duration of the event or visit is what makes a motivational decision. I am a morning person and if a "meet up" is to happen in the evening after 4 pm, forget it! No longer than 2 hours, sometimes 1 hour is enough.
Try to make your engagements on your terms and I think you're motivation will change.
How 'bout a cup of coffee at 7 before I go for my morning walk? yeah, sounds good to me. OK, See you then! This is an example of how I keep a few friends. I can do this one without having too much obligation and at my time of day. I hope I helped some. Good luck!
Funny, I am kind of the same. What I found out about myself is that the time of day and the duration of the event or visit is what makes a motivational decision. I am a morning person and if a "meet up" is to happen in the evening after 4 pm, forget it! No longer than 2 hours, sometimes 1 hour is enough.
Try to make your engagements on your terms and I think you're motivation will change.
How 'bout a cup of coffee at 7 before I go for my morning walk? yeah, sounds good to me. OK, See you then! This is an example of how I keep a few friends. I can do this one without having too much obligation and at my time of day. I hope I helped some. Good luck!
I am this way too. Like, today I have been up since 4am or so, and by 4pm my day is over. I just want to be home, planning dinner, and have a nice quiet evening at home.
It's said that as we age, it gets harder to make friends. I think that's true.
I think there are fewer situations in which we are involuntarily placed with other people, so we don't have that "we're all in this together" feeling or a set of shared experiences. I was part of a group of girls in high school. Each of us had the same challenges: Not popular, sometimes asked to prom but mostly not, A or B+ students.
It's also why almost everyone makes friends in the workplace.
I'll bet everyone posting here would, if trapped on a stuck elevator with strangers, emerge from the experience with one new friend. The "Miracle on the Hudson" passengers have annual reunions. A marriage has even resulted.
I expect that one dreads these social events because it all feels forced and artificial.
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