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Almost all of my family (at least the family members I care most about) lives in the Hartford, CT area. Four months ago, I relocated from Fairfield County, CT to Columbus, OH. Everything has been fine (other than losing my job), but please allow me to complain about one thing: living far from family is a PAIN IN THE!!!
My personal preference is to be able to see my family at least 5-6 times per year. They are in their mid-to-late 50's and only getting older. My grandma is 80 and not in the best mental health, and of course, only getting older, too. Then there are most of my siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. Almost all of these people live in the Hartford, CT area.
But here's the reality. Every single time I want to visit them, it's a freekin' ordeal with travel arrangements. Airfare is EXPENSIVE, and when I travel to them, I typically don't have my own car, which really sucks. And if I rent a car, it's only going to be even more expensive. Even without renting a car, it would cost me at least $2,000 per year to travel to visit family. Even more, if you factor in extra high airfare prices during holiday periods. I could also drive, but it's a 10-hour drive and my lower back and tailbone cannot withstand long car rides. It's very uncomfortable and painful. This just means that that's $2,000 per year that could have been saved or used for other purposes. What a shame.
The other thing that sucks is that I would have to use my precious PTO/vacation days from my job just in order to visit family, in most cases. When I lived close by to family, I could actually use my PTO for REAL vacations.
Another thing that sucks is that I have to spend typically 3 nights sleeping over their house when visiting them, and use their bathroom, etc. I can't stand it. When I lived near them, I never had to sleep over, and could simply go back home and sleep in the comfort of my own home.
Not to mention, the travel time and hassle in general. It's exhausting.
I want to see my family 5-6 times per year though. And they really have no practical reason to come and visit me. I mean, they have five kids and simply cannot make multiple trips per year devoted entirely to just me. And it was my choice to relocate far away.
Now, the thing that truly sucks is that it's virtually impossible to get a suitable job in the area where they live. It's highly unlikely that I can live near them again.
How do you deal with situations like this?!
What would you do in this situation?!
I appreciate your wanting to see your family often, but the reality is that people all over the country have this same problem. You find the best solution possible in terms of where to stay, when to visit, and then you do it. Don't complain about using vacation time to visit family. That's what everyone does. You made the decision to relocate, and regardless of the factors that may have caused it, it was still your decision, so you have to live with the consequences. For 40 years my husband and I lived across the country from our family. We returned every Christmas, and a few people would come out to visit in between. We made it a goal to have my mother come out for a 2 week visit every summer so that there would be some grandma experience with our child. It isn't the best thing in the world, but there it is. You make the best of it. Now, with technology making it so easy to write, send pictures, recordings and even use Skype, communications are so much better than they were 40 years ago. Use the technology! Now that you've had your rant, settle in and enjoy your new home.
A lot of people can only afford a visit of that distance only once every 2 - 3 years. If you're getting there once a year, you're doing better than many people.
You can't afford to go see them as often, emotionally or financially. It's part of growing up and cutting the apron strings. You'll have to figure out how to tell them. But, you can't have it both ways.
Depending on the situation, maybe identify locations where both you and family members want to go on vacation, and use your PTO to meet in those places. This would give you the chance to stay connected with loved ones, but avoid the annoyances associated with staying in their residence - or hosting family in your own. I do realize this may not be feasible with relatives who are especially old or have health issues that prevent them from traveling.
Alternatively, look for jobs within a comfortable driving distance from your hometown. Easier said than done, but if your current skill sets don't match the openings in the area, work out what you need to do to obtain those skills. Greater Hartford is a rather affluent region with over 1 million residents, so it obviously has suitable opportunities for a lot of people.
Depending on the situation, maybe identify locations where both you and family members want to go on vacation, and use your PTO to meet in those places. This would give you the chance to stay connected with loved ones, but avoid the annoyances associated with staying in their residence - or hosting family in your own. I do realize this may not be feasible with relatives who are especially old or have health issues that prevent them from traveling.
Alternatively, look for jobs within a comfortable driving distance from your hometown. Easier said than done, but if your current skill sets don't match the openings in the area, work out what you need to do to obtain those skills. Greater Hartford is a rather affluent region with over 1 million residents, so it obviously has suitable opportunities for a lot of people.
As I have stated in my initial post, greater Hartford has barely any opportunities for me. I've been looking every single day and it's like scraping the bucket. There were only two jobs there for me to apply to, so far. The next closest places with jobs are places that I would not really want to live in, such as southwestern CT and eastern Mass.
If you visit family 5-6 times a year, where does that leave time for vacation for yourself? I agree with the others though, if you visit only once a year then you're doing a pretty good job. Honestly, I live where I want and don't let family enter into the equation for me.
It looks like you have two options: job or living close to family.
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